Did you hear about the pirate who had trouble with the alphabet?
He always got lost at sea!
I went to an Eye Doctor because I was having trouble seeing
I thought he would give me glasses, but he said he had a better solution and suddenly squirted ketchup into my eyes!
I was about to object, then realized I could see perfectly! I asked him how it worked, and he shrugged and said...
"Heinz-sight is 20/20"
People give me a lot of trouble for being a necromancer
Can't a guy just raise a family in peace?
Just told my wife this one after she said she was fat, I'm in trouble
Wife : "I feel fat, do you still love me?"
Me : "I'll love you thru Thikk and thin"
I'm having trouble opening a savings account at my local bank without getting distracted
I've always had a lack of interest.
What do you call a weasel that has trouble breathing?
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
I'm having trouble organising a hide-and-seek league.
Good players are hard to find.
Don't pee on the seat, or urine trouble.
So last week i got myself in a bit of trouble when i mixed up the words jacuzzi and yakuza
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
I'm having trouble getting rid of my old magazines.
The owner of the Indianpolis Colts will be in trouble if he has to speak in court, because no matter what he says the judge will think...
Why don't comedians have much trouble eating?
Because everything they do in-jest!
Why was the cow in trouble?
Cause he was being a bully.
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.
"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.
I've created a toilet locator for those who have trouble finding one
What do you call an insect that's in trouble with the law?
What do you call an alligator that always tries to stir up trouble
I would get into trouble as a kid, if I swore in front of an adult.
Now as an adult, I get into trouble for swearing in front of a kid.
I had real trouble getting a spoon out of the dishwasher.
How it got stuck up her butt I'd never know.
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,
But it's my own asterisk.
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
You rarely hear of bees getting in trouble
why do children have trouble looking at their parents after a gender change?
Because parents become Trans-parent
[META] Dad jokes should be clean, not just groan-inducing. That's what makes it a Dad joke, we can tell it to the kids in front of Mom and not get in trouble (other than maybe for the punchline).
Why don't convents have trouble retaining seamstresses?
Because that work is habit forming.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
Made a wooden car with a wooden engine only trouble was
Why do Australian bees never get into trouble?
Because they always beehive
The teacher caught me stirring up trouble in chemistry class...
...so she sent me home with a colloidal suspension.
I’m having trouble making decisions today...
I’m not really sure how I feel about that.
Why did the egyptians have trouble with acceptance?
Because the were in de-Nile.
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...
Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!
Robin: Sure thing, Batman!
A few minutes later...
Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship
Did you know Jeff Bezos has trouble sleeping?
Unless he has his pajamazon
Went to my doctor and said I was having trouble with my hearing.
He asked: “can you describe the symptoms?”
I said: “sure, they’re yellow. Marge has blue hair and Homer’s really fat”.
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
Why did the hand have trouble using its watch?
My Dalmatian has trouble sleeping
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it
I hope it doesn't become a running gag
My wife sometimes has trouble thinking of the right word for things. This morning, she asked me "what's it called when you have no bars?" Without missing a beat, I told her...
"Prohibition." She wasn't as amused as I was, I'm afraid.
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?
If you ever have trouble doing math.
You can always count on a calculator.
I’m really having trouble with my eyesight
The worst of it is that I can’t see my optimitrist
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