Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
It was an unexpected Journey.
Most days I let her sleep.
They have Cicadian rythm...
They mock-a-doodle-doo!
"For drinking." replies the cop.
"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"
You poker her face.
"For excessive drinking" the officer replies So the prisoner replies "Great, when do we start?"
Man who runs in front of car gets tired. Man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
I prefer pop
There’s caws for alarm.
They have no balls to scratch
Has been a real eye opener for me
To get the moist out of the day.
The pee is silent.
All the children look at him and asks: are you my mummy?
That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."
I'm not really a mourning person 😔
I don’t know what to make of it.
Does that make me Captain America?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
It would be a dream job.
Two guys were walking down the street towards one another, the second guy bumps into the first guy and the first guy goes "Ayee, watch it. I'm Walken 'ere" and the second guy goes "oh, sorry Christopher"
Because it was de-livered.
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
Sometimes, she wakes me up.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
I don’t know what to make of it.
I guess that makes me Uncle coffee
It cuts like a knife.
Hi, I was specifically requested on this day, October 1st, to wake up Green Day. Did anyone wake up Green Day?
Pa pa pa poke her face pa pa poke her face.
I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.
The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”
It was There and Beck again.
It was an unexpected Journey.
To get the moist out of the day.
Because they have no balls to scratch
It was an unexpected Journey.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
But most days I let her sleep
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
Because she has no balls to scratch
You po-po-po-poke her face!
Dawn is tough on Greece.
