Waking Puns

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Two guys were walking down the street towards one another, the second guy bumps into the first guy and the first guy goes "Ayee, watch it. I'm Walken 'ere" and the second guy goes "oh, sorry Christopher"

Because dawn is tough on Greece.

Because Dawn is tough of Grease

Morning wood.

The other was a salted..

Except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awoken by the dustmen.

He replies, "the state of confusion!"

Man, surgery really takes it out of you.

I hate these late night rebooty calls.

It's Tw'early

I came back with this http://imgur.com/9KgUeRK

Dad jokes are the best medicine

I told her it's just a recurrying nightmare.

So I woke up my son by shaking his bed and calling it an earthquake. He did not get up. Then I got a cup of water and sprinkled some in him and said its a flood. Still did not get up. Then I blew in his face and called it a hurricane. Finally I threw his blanket off him and called it a tornado. That worked. He got up. Later I was explaining it to my wife and said he was woken up by some disasters. He chimed in. "More like Dad-sasters".

I woke up and my wife was getting ready in the bathroom. She came back to bed and snuggled into me and all I could smell was hair spray.

I said, "That hair spray is a little intense."

She retorted, "You're intense!"

I replied, "Actually I'm in a bed."

*commence eye rolling *

Tell my roommate my face hurts because I probably fell off my bed at night. He responds, " did you fall off at tooth-thirty?!?"...

I woke her up on Sunday morning and she opened her eyes and... Wife: "What have you been doing?" Me: "Picking up the house." Wife: "Where are you taking it?" SMH

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Dawn is tough on Greece.

It's because Dawn is tough on Greece.