My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
Can I see the result of my eye test
When my kids found that the fall term would be completely online, the result was instant drama and tears.
But now that we had a few drinks, we feel better.
The result of an art competition...
What do you call the kid in class that always demands the teacher give the exam results ASAP?
We received your test results from the urologist...
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..
But then I'd have to kill you.
Picky eater results in epic dad joke from my daughter...
My middle child, who loves rice, declined the yellow rice we offered him because apparently he only likes one type of rice.
Without missing a beat my daughter (11 y/o) exclaimed, "stop being rice-ist."
My job is done, clearly there is no more I can teach her.
What is the result of breeding two redhead bakers?
Theresa May is stepping down on June 7th. As a result, the last week of May is the first week of June.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
What do you call it when it takes more than 24 hours to see any election results?
Hospital told me my blood test results had been 'lost'
I knew I shouldn't have trusted Dr. Acula
We need to discuss your results sir. Please, have a seat.
My NAD test results came back
and it turns out I'm dyslexic
Has anyone got the results from the Iowa...
The results of the post-mortem were in, and it was clear the man had been murdered with a plate of mild curry.
Your test results are pawsitive
I opened a book and counted the average value of how many times the letters A to M appear in each page of the book. After getting the results, I threw them away.
They are only means to an N.
Lawyer - Doctor, as a result of your examinations, would you say the woman was pregnant?
Doctor - Yes, she was pregnant, but not as a result of my examination.
Taken from an actual court hearing
The result of thinking about peanut puns while sleep-deprived
Which piece of punctuation is usually a result of bowel cancer?
You're fired, Jack. The test results came back, and you tested positive for Coke
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
... Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
Received the results back for my blood test, and I was pleased.
I can't believe the results of the Australian Election this year.
Bill really got the shorten of the stick.
If Nokia takes over the Kia company, does that result in No Kia 😂
Just got the results of my assessment to be part of the air display team
I passed with flying colours
Google search result with a dad joke
There are two types of people in the world... Those that can extrapolate results from incomplete data and...
[Meta] can we make it a rule that any comment from pun patrol will result in an insta ban from this subreddit?
It is incredibly lame to see the same comment in each and every thread. Like I don’t understand what fun do they get.
Might result in in-bread kids.
I got my glaucoma test results back..
It was a sight for sore eyes
The result of Germany vs South Korea in World Cup
“The results came back, I have an STI.” “Are you sure?”
"Doctor, are the test results ready? I'm dying from curiosity"
"Heh, not just curiosity"
Scientist publish sensational series of results from their habanero research
Referred to as the Red Hot Chili Papers
Renaming Darth Vader to DarthVader has the same result as killing him...
The fart test results are in...
Kinda proud of this one.
After sharing a pun I saw here with my brother, he destroyed it faroese-ily. Thought y'all might enjoy the finnished result.
My son came up to me the other day asking for the biggest newest iPhone because all his friends had one. I turned to my wife and immediately told her I got my blood test results back I got done earlier in the week.
I turn back to my son and say “it turns out, I’m not made of money”.
The Russian people anxiously awaited the results of their anonymous election...
Me to my husband: I got my 23&me results back and my genes say I am better off on a low-carb diet.
Him: But what did your shirt say?
It was so unexpected, I was proud!
I heard someone say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.
Does anyone know if that's true? I keep looking it up but I can't find anything
It is driving me crazy!
What an outstanding result in potty training.
An envy pee.
(like an MVP, get it..OK I go away now)
All X-ray results are negative.
Got bored.. this was the result.
My IQ test result just came in and I’m really relieved!
Thank God it came back negative!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice
What was the result of the labor dispute at the bowling alley?
I’m glad I kept working out, im finally starting to see results.
I guess good things comes to those who weight.
I got the DNA test results back for my two adopted dogs...
I told my dad that one of the dogs is a purebred plott hound.
Dad says, "So if she gains weight, then the plott thickens."
Why do we call unintended results of taking medications side effects, and not...
Out dad joked by my wife. This one based on the Olympics. We were watching swimming results.
Me:I've participated in the breast stroke.
Wife:And I've won almost every time!
That's where I was headed but she beat me to it.
Doctor: We got the results back, there's staph in your nose..
Me: I don't remember hiring anyone
A lady happily tells her husband, holding a testpack result. "Darling, I'm pregnant!"
Tears running the husband's eyes, he says "Hi pregnant, I'm dad"
(x-post from r/Jokes)
A large group of fat economists probably get better results than a small group of thin economists.
Due to the economists of scale.
My friend's dad decided to do one of those facebook questionnaires, here is the result.
What was the result of the Obi Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Maul battle?