Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….

EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❀️

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a painter gets cold?

He/she puts on another coat.

πŸ‘︎ 196
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKillahG
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
The trees around the house are starting to bud. I said to my wife, "Honey, do you know what happens when the trees leaf out?"

A look of hopeful curiosity washed over her as she fell into my trap. "No, what?"

"Very SHADY things."

It must've reminded her that she had something else to do that was very important.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RuberDuky009
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a meteorologist get angry?

They storm β›ˆ out!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/getswole717
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aksurah
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Baby Roach: β€œPapa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?”

Papa Roach: β€œSuffocation. No breathing.”

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunPeach0
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you fight a dinosaur?

You get jurasskicked

πŸ‘︎ 286
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNaJoKing
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a frog parks illegally?

They get toad.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKillahG
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What would happen if the USA switched from Pounds to Kilograms?

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 945
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a frogs car breaks down?

It has to be toad away.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerWonton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you accidentally drop you Viagra on your clock?

Your gonna have a hard time...

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/corninmyface
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?

European.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FadiCh2002
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put your hand in a blender ?

You get a hand shake.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My 9 year old told me this: What happens if you party to hard on May the Fourth?

>! Revenge of the Fifth!<

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BockBock2000
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you mix alcohol and literature?

Tequila mockingbird

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/belizzb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when the CIA go to sleep?

They go undercover.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_kermie__
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a commander walks into a bar?

He orders everyone around.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jgfum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a Hogwarts student runs a marathon then trips and hits their head...

They get a Hufflelump

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rysefin
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you go the bathroom in Europe?

Euro-pea-an

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to open a museum dedicated to bracelets that happen to be magnetic.

Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
If the end of the world happens, I want it to be hailing taxis.
πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MerseySideAlt9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
what happens when a dad joke is too dark and edgy for this subreddit!

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NearDead-Star
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I just saw an announcement on TV. Seems there’s a fortune teller that happens to be a dwarf, wanted by the FBI

To sum it up, there’s a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst thing that’ll happen to the Gaetz household if he gets busted?

His son will end up an empty Nestor.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/calicouple271
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you try to kick a volcano?

You Krakatoa!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens to someone who farts in church?

They have to sit in their own pew.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthLukas71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when Bigfoot learns how to play an instrument?

He becomes Saxquatch

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you die and come back as a cowboy?

Reintarnation

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Splopest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
So I had a classmate in chemistry ask what would happen if we were to use gamma rays to cook food, so I said...

It would give a whole new meaning to nuking your food

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_bored_wolf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens if a polar bear sits too long on the ice?

It get polaroids

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantity_Weary
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you're alone and freezing ?

You feel ice-olated.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
79% of accidents happens at home.

Finally, great news for the homeless.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you run a magical lamp underwater?

You get an hydrogenie

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tadashi4
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you have a bladder infection?

Urine trouble

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shrexymexy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you take a photo of a car with a single wheel?

Nothing happens, You don't take a photo of anything with a wheel, you use a camera/mobile phone instead.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Sea what happens.
πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dickiedaydream
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when the sun goes out in Bangladesh?

It gets Dhaka

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shubh_Gupta70248
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a giovanna runs out of breathe?

They become golden winded

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRelyk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crow where everytime it makes a noise sornething big happens?

It has a caws and effect relationship

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens to Werewolf's house when its the full moon?

It becomes a warehouse.

Credit to Haldzur, the newest dad in our party.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eagle_Vision_13
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Closely watch what happens
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ching_a_bling
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the friend say after his brother asked what will happen after he gets his glasses?

"We'll see."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrouchingTiger8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens to you if you pee on the floor?

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aksurah
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens if you put your hand in the blender?

You get a handshake

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lil_biggyeeeet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad

πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?

You get a Hand Shake!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fatrat55673
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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