How often do pirate attacks occur?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaltingHall0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?

She moved.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bootlebat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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I saw pretty bad mudslide begin to occur...

...it went downhill from there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMeGatoradeMan
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.

That’s it we’re moving!

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Whats the worst crime to occur at a fish market?

Getting battered

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL4Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.

All I see are male in ballots.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaRage83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What do you call someone who saw a crime occur at an Apple Store?

An iWitness

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Some people don’t like all the attention that occurs when you combine the spellings of 3 with 5 to create both a fake word/number.

But personally, I thrive on it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadynasty15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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What occurs when you combine images of plants together?

Photosynthesis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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What Jewish light phenomenon occurs in the northern sky?

Menorah borealis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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At what time during the school day does menarche usually occur?

First period

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Big-Red-Dog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Laughing at a fart joke, a thought occurs to me...

The reek shall inherit the mirth!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talmet456
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2012
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I'm sexually attracted to the note that occurs at 440hz

I'm an Asexual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordOfCinderGwyn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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I asked my dad when most airplane accidents occur and he said...

When they hit the ground Edit: I also told him that when we are in the air it feels like swimming and he said that that is exactly how the Malaysian flight felt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/junjus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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There's an ongoing armed seige occurring at at the zoo...

The gunmen have taken a number of ostriches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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This occurred to me at 1 am and I’ve never been more proud
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Cookiez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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It occurred to me today that I would have loved to see two of my favorite bands from the 90s, led respectively by David Usher and Gavin Rossdale, on the same ticket. The sign on the theatre would have been epic.

Moist Bush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/average_legend
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Friday was roasting saturday and sunday brutally yet they never occurred a word. Wednesday, being a harmonist, asked them why they stayed mum for which they replied, "because we are weakened in front of you guys".

I was dazed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaylicious17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).

The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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My wife is upset with me...

All I said was, "Hi coming, I'm Dad!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoraceSchemer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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After aimlessly walking around the gym for an hour, something occurred to me.

This isn’t working out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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As a US citizen, seeing all of these trade wars occuring with our country has me tarrified.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
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An actual headline in Bloomberg news this morning:

"Saudi Arabia Oil Fears Look Well Founded."

I love it when these things occur in nature!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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A river was depressed and jumped off a cliff. After years of this occurring I asked....

Water you doing?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Scientists have discovered a giant naturally occuring windmill

They say it's Mother nature's biggest fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CJ_Productions
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm.

The man says "One whiskey for me and one for the road"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.

They are looking for a cereal killer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The Doors, in 1966, heard the news about Buddhist monks performing acts of self immolation. After listening to what was occurring, they decided to make a heartfelt song to express their solidarity with the Buddhist plight.

And that’s why we have a song called β€œLight my Friar”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyllyam1111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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According to a new report, adverse side effects from Botox injections occurred in a large number of people last year

None of them seemed surprised

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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My husband got my daughter today. Eye rolling occurred...

Eating at IHOP

Daughter: "What is sugar substitute?"

Dad: "You use that when sugar calls in sick."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilykitt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
🚨︎ report
A massacre occurred one day in the town hall....

Everybody wearing Polo, Nike, Ralph Lauren, ect. was killed. After the cops came the they found one survivor and asked him " How'd you survive son?"

"I was wearing under-armor" he replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siddis76
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2016
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I am ashamed to admit the following occurred during project management training today:

We had begun a section on 'change management', and to prove his point, the facilitator challenged us to try to name one thing that does not involve change.

I proudly shouted out "A CREDIT CARD!"

He looks at me and asks, "A... credit card?"

I reply, "Yes. There is no change when paying with a credit card..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Utsis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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Did you hear about the guy that got pecked to death by a chicken?

It was a murder most fowl

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukurslf
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Chess Pun

Did it ever occur to Magnus Carlsen that he could be eliminated from his own chess tournament?

Norway!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/freewillson
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Brand new protein powder, not even filled half whey
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4Lman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Daughter: I have to do a report on sinkholes. Me: Oh, well do you know the best kind of sinkhole?

Sinkhole de Mayo

πŸ‘︎ 851
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danbertgilbs
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I know it’s not gneiss to say it, but..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report

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