I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
That’s a wurst kase scenario
Some may even call it Beta
God, dam it!
Florence?! Looks more like Venice to me.
Me and my brother (looking after his son) having a conversation after I got back from a short holiday.
Me: I can't get into my house at the moment...
Brother: Why not?
Me: Turns out it flooded while I was away, hot water pipes burst...
Brother: That must have dampened the mood!
Brother proceeds to move his sons mouth into a mock laughing motion as he chuckles to himself.
For example:
Mum: Your cousin is having a baby this Christmas. Step-dad: Everyone else is having turkey though. Mum: sigh
Mum: Guess what was in iceland today. Step-dad: Freezers.
The list goes on.
Noah let out all the animals. Two by two, they disembarked from the ark.
As Noah breathed a sigh of relief, the two snakes that were on the ark came up.
“Noah, Noah!” they cried. “Can you get us some logs?”
Noah, groaning, complied with the request.
Months pass. Noah is making some food in his home when the two snakes he gave logs return with their kids. A lot of them.
They ask, “Can you get us more logs?”
Noah, clearly pissed, says, “Fine. But why the hell do you need logs to reproduce?”
The dad snake replies, “Oh, we’re adders, we need logs to multiply.”
He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.
Using the mildewey decimal system!
Turns out there was a leek
Rather worried, Noah said “But my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?”
“No, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.” Said the Lord.
“Then why another ark?” Asked Noah.
“I wish for this ark to only house fish.” The Lord replied.
A slightly confused Noah responded “Okay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.”
“But not just any fish; only carp.” The Lord said unto him.
Noah, now more bemused, replied “Uh- okay my Lord.”
“One more thing.” The Lord said unto him “it needs to have multiple levels.”
“Are you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?” Noah pressed.
And God said: “I want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.”
Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.
Dam
Very put out, indeed!
I was ready and wading!
Unfortunately, he didn't remember where he arked.
Because it's an emergent sea.
“Are you having a crisis ?”
His boss found out, and now he’s in deep shit.
All the clothes are now Superwet
One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:
Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam to Kristian's home. As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted. "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Kristian replied. "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner." Justin cried back. "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed....... I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Kristian!!.. 🤪🤣
Your truck comes back, your wife comes back, your dog comes back, your trailer isn’t flooded...
I don't know if this was the right choice, but I decided to tsunami.
Don’t worry, I noah guy.
I only invest in liquid assets.
You’ll only make it worse
I think he was just deluge-ional.
I beat the raining champion.
Canalbalism
His spine.
(i meant into not info)
Let that sink inn!
He dammed it.
All the kids are trying to play tournament games anyway... it's Marsh Madness!
The marina is now under water so I guess it is now a submariner.
...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.
Then he heard something he didn't recognise… a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.
"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"
"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders… so we have to use logs."
Car pool!
The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?
"God will save us" she says.
The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.
"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.
A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.
She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.
"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.
The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".
The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.
Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.
"No" she shakes her head "God will save me!"
The inevitable happens and after she drowns the storms into heaven upset. "God! Why didn't you save me?"
He looks to her and rolls his eyes. "Well I sent a boat, a helicopter and a life jacket what else do you want me to do?"
Sounds like they're a bunch of quacks to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Because it's an emergent sea.
