What happens if you eat bad salmon?

You get salmonella.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waffler11
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
What did one salmon say to the other salmon after it ran into a concrete wall?

β€œDam!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GirlMom929
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Who do you call when all of your cured salmon is stuck in the freezer?

The Lox Smith

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Why does nobody trust the baby salmon?

It's a little fishy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...

Man: Do you do fishcakes?

Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.

Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YakDangerous5412
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12
🚨︎ report
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.

He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MagicGuy66
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.

He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unic0rnism
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a salmon always have in its home?

Bagels and locks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ConradFlick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes

He says he likes shooting fish in apparel

πŸ‘︎ 121
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StAnger99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine is making easy money by photographing salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do salmon keep people out of their homes?

With lox!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!

When she asked why I responded β€œyou’ll get salmon-Ella!”

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P1nealColada
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A buddy of mine has a new hobby where he dresses up salmon in tiny outfits and takes pictures of them.

He says its like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mchead22
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night at dinner, we were eating sushi, so I asked my wife, "What do you call refusing to incriminate your salmon?"

She swung and missed (getting to "Pleading the fifth" before eventually ending up at "Salmon the fifth?").

Then my 5-year-old daughter asked, "What was the first word you said?" and when told it was "Pleading," she said, "It would be 'Pleading the FISH'!"

I've never been so proud of her.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshSamBob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do they keep the most valuable salmon?

Under lox and key.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Salmon must have a good data plan...

They are always streaming

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmharper80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the fish kicked from the Salmon group?

'Cause he was being pretty shellfish.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisboishere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My cat, JOJO, fighting Dio (circa, 1886). Tis a purrfect parody. Anime: Jojo’s bizarre adventures. Pun Clarification: Hamon is a fighting energy in the anime, you can see that the pun was replacing the word Salmon.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamJamCuddlyLamb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Quick aside. If admiral ackbar contracted a minnow-scule amount of salmon-ella poisson-ing while tuna-ing his guitar on his carp-et, would he instead need to use his bass tonight?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joker-here
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was up the creek without a paddle, so had to make one out of salmon eggs...

After that, I roe-ed my boat to back to civilization, where I share my wonderful sense of humor!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a recipe for salmon with mozzarella on top.

I call it salmonella

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayTunez
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.

And I can’t find my car in the parking lot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an argument between two linguist salmon?

Salm-antics.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzymilkcactus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in suits, and sell them online.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The police say I stole a salmon!

But they don't have any fishsical evidence

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastAlmsivi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Watching bears fish for salmon in Alaska live on YouTube when my GF asks what I'm watching.

"A live stream."

πŸ‘︎ 416
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youhitdacanadien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip

That's a... Missed steak

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadtoenail69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
This town has a festival every year for the spawning salmon. They are rife with fish puns. It’s my favorite time of year.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBrontosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I wanted some smoked salmon

Unfortunately it quit smoking last week

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirk993
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If smoking is so bad for your health, then how come it cures salmon?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Anything to eat? Wife: There's salmon I baked in the fridge. Me: Next time you should bake it the oven. Waka waka waka!
πŸ‘︎ 449
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
🚨︎ report
My coworker called me selfish for reheating salmon in the microwave.

"But it's not shellfish!", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarWarswasmeh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to a sushi bar and ordered the salmon roe...

It was a spawn-taneous decision

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/artcostanza82
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can't you use a salmon as an instrument?

Because you can't tune a fish

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firesmashman
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2016
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put Nutella on Salmon?

You get Salmonella.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostinasense
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
First Tim SALMON, and now Mike TROUT?

Is this a baseball game, or a Long John Silvers?!?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/svenguillotien
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What kind of soccer do salmon play?

Profishannal soccer

^^^^^imsosorry

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnowedInByEdward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I made salmon for dinner last night...

Girlfriend: "I can't eat this it tastes funny."

Me: "Are you sure? I'm certain the label said salmon and not clown fish."

Cue groans and eye rolling

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/champthebit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2014
🚨︎ report
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is making a lot of easy money by photographing salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put Nutella on salmon?

You get salmonella

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khovel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
What happens when you put Nutella on salmon?

You get salmonella

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salty904
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
🚨︎ report

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