What happens if you eat bad salmon?
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︎ May 28 2021
What did one salmon say to the other salmon after it ran into a concrete wall?
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︎ May 10 2021
Who do you call when all of your cured salmon is stuck in the freezer?
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︎ May 13 2021
Why does nobody trust the baby salmon?
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︎ Apr 12 2021
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...
Man: Do you do fishcakes?
Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.
Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today
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︎ Mar 12 2021
My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.
He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Sep 11 2020
What does a salmon always have in its home?
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︎ Nov 11 2020
A buddy of mine likes taking pictures of salmon in clothes
He says he likes shooting fish in apparel
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︎ Aug 30 2020
How do salmon keep people out of their homes?
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︎ Jul 25 2020
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DONβT EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded βyouβll get salmon-Ella!β
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︎ May 28 2020
A buddy of mine has a new hobby where he dresses up salmon in tiny outfits and takes pictures of them.
He says its like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Last night at dinner, we were eating sushi, so I asked my wife, "What do you call refusing to incriminate your salmon?"
She swung and missed (getting to "Pleading the fifth" before eventually ending up at "Salmon the fifth?").
Then my 5-year-old daughter asked, "What was the first word you said?" and when told it was "Pleading," she said, "It would be 'Pleading the FISH'!"
I've never been so proud of her.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Where do they keep the most valuable salmon?
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︎ May 14 2020
Salmon must have a good data plan...
They are always streaming
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︎ Nov 12 2019
Why was the fish kicked from the Salmon group?
'Cause he was being pretty shellfish.
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︎ Oct 27 2019
My cat, JOJO, fighting Dio (circa, 1886). Tis a purrfect parody. Anime: Jojoβs bizarre adventures. Pun Clarification: Hamon is a fighting energy in the anime, you can see that the pun was replacing the word Salmon.
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︎ Aug 22 2019
Quick aside. If admiral ackbar contracted a minnow-scule amount of salmon-ella poisson-ing while tuna-ing his guitar on his carp-et, would he instead need to use his bass tonight?
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︎ Oct 03 2019
I was up the creek without a paddle, so had to make one out of salmon eggs...
After that, I roe-ed my boat to back to civilization, where I share my wonderful sense of humor!
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︎ Nov 05 2019
I have a recipe for salmon with mozzarella on top.
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︎ May 28 2019
Salmon are born in a river, swim out to sea for most of their lives, and then one day years later swim back against insurmountable odds to the very spot where they were born.
And I canβt find my car in the parking lot.
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︎ Nov 22 2019
What do you call an argument between two linguist salmon?
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︎ Nov 25 2019
The police say I stole a salmon!
But they don't have any fishsical evidence
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︎ Apr 06 2019
Watching bears fish for salmon in Alaska live on YouTube when my GF asks what I'm watching.
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︎ Aug 16 2017
When you regret ordering salmon over a New York strip
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︎ Jun 06 2019
This town has a festival every year for the spawning salmon. They are rife with fish puns. Itβs my favorite time of year.
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︎ Dec 21 2018
I wanted some smoked salmon
Unfortunately it quit smoking last week
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︎ May 15 2019
If smoking is so bad for your health, then how come it cures salmon?
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︎ Jan 25 2019
Me: Anything to eat? Wife: There's salmon I baked in the fridge. Me: Next time you should bake it the oven. Waka waka waka!
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︎ Apr 04 2014
My coworker called me selfish for reheating salmon in the microwave.
"But it's not shellfish!", I replied.
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︎ Jan 14 2018
I went to a sushi bar and ordered the salmon roe...
It was a spawn-taneous decision
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︎ Nov 20 2018
Why can't you use a salmon as an instrument?
Because you can't tune a fish
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︎ May 02 2016
First Tim SALMON, and now Mike TROUT?
Is this a baseball game, or a Long John Silvers?!?
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︎ Jul 18 2018
What kind of soccer do salmon play?
Profishannal soccer
^^^^^imsosorry
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︎ Apr 13 2015
I made salmon for dinner last night...
Girlfriend: "I can't eat this it tastes funny."
Me: "Are you sure? I'm certain the label said salmon and not clown fish."
Cue groans and eye rolling
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︎ Sep 16 2014
If you want to make easy money, just take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
My friend hit it big taking pictures of salmon in human clothes.
He said it was like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jan 20 2020
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
A friend of mine is making easy money by photographing salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
My friend is making a lot of money by selling photos of salmon dressed up in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Nov 29 2018
My friend is making a lot of easy money by photographing salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel!
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︎ Oct 02 2019
If you want to make easy money, just take photographs of salmon dressed in suits, and sell them online.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
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︎ Jul 18 2019
What happens when you put Nutella on Salmon?
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︎ Jun 18 2018
What happens when you put Nutella on salmon?
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︎ Jul 22 2017
What happens when you put Nutella on salmon?
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︎ Nov 10 2016
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