What do blm protestors and cod players have in common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joemama16839301
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a cod under his arm...

He says to the bloke behind the counter,

β€œDo you do fishcakes?”

The man behind the counter nods his head and smiles.

β€œYeah mate.”

Customer points to the cod under his arm.

β€œBetter make him one then mate, it’s his birthday.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cromantica
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My girlfriend tried giving me some flatfish last night instead of cod!

Know your plaice woman!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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I don’t know these kids are so obsessed with COD.

Seems a little fishy to be honest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KeaneIsABanana
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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My son won’t eat Atlantic cod

He has Pacific taste in seafood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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I was in a conversation with two other people. One asked do vegetarians like Cod. The other said that’s pescatarian and not vegetarian. Then they asked what I thought.

So I said no that’s gamers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tosser53
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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I cod have died
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
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Thanks to cod-liver pills my son is a genius at painting and computing.

He’s got arty-fish-oil intelligence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
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I threw a bottle of Omega 3 cod liver oil pills at my son earlier...

His injuries are nothing more than super fish oil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peter_j_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
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My dad bought me the ultimate dad joke mug while in Cape Cod imgur.com/sam3Y0g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diltay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2013
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Cape Cod
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashalot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2013
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An Orca was questioned by the cods about a potential murder.

But he didn't admit to anything. His lips were sealed. https://imgur.com/ogcyNTN

(My dad came up with this one on the fly when we visited Monterey when I was a kid).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
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I'm more proud of this joke I made up than the actual drawing, but, some OC for Christmas reddit.com/gallery/kjidtv
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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My friend is making a lot of easy money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It’s like shooting fish in apparel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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The guy who lost the fishing competition was really upset.

He was totally out of line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgetrandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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What do you call a fish wearing a tie

Sofishticated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harvest86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I was hit by a bottle of Omega-3 capsules

Luckily, I only suffered super fish oil injuries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in hi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why are fish easy to weigh?

They have their own scales!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ct2k7
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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My GF left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants

Turns out she was only with me for my mussels

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJBGaming
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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They’re punning lyrics to a song from a movie.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ATMiceli
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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What’s a fish’s favorite first person shooter?

Cod.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Calcium
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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The fish and chip shop: β€œSorry sir we’re all out of fish.”

Me: β€œI knew it, there is no cod!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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...... :)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byatric3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2020
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A fish ran into a wall and said

β€œDAM”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-of-the-tiger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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A magician walks up to a fisherman's booth.

The magician pulls a quarter from the fisherman's ear. The fisherman looks at the magician annoyed. The magician says can you do any better? The fisherman says sure and then pauses. The magician says annoyed "How are you going to start the trick. The fisherman just says... Pick a cod, any cod!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jolly2284
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.

I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide I’m sure you’ll sea the porpoise isn’t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that I’m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and I’ll gladly clam up. I’d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Minnow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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What would you call someone who programs female robots ?

Cod-her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Who is Ronald McDonald's favorite musician?

Phil A. of Phish

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.

He "cod" me by surprise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishmam7and7
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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If you think about it..

COD is a very fishy game..

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Bad, but I love it!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elarandra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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Some unexpected consequences of coronavirus..

So it's been almost 3 weeks since a lockdown was triggered in the UK and there have been quite a few knock on effects.. Some good and some bad which I want to share in this post.

Firstly one of my friends lost his job. He worked as a psychic.. Never saw it coming. Its been a difficult couple of weeks and he is now considering a complete career change...considering becoming a baker of all things.. But I suppose he really kneads the dough. I suggested he focus on photography, but nothing ever developed.

Another of my friends was also made redundant. He managed to get a Skype interview for a position in Tescos within a few days. The interviewer asked him: "what is your biggest weakness?", he replied "I don't know when to quit". The interviewer said "OK, your hired". He said "I quit".

Work has been busy for me but since I can't enjoy the things I usually do I have been looking for some new things to do around the house. It's been nice have the thyme to do more cooking. I randomly star

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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I was pretty hungry so I decided to go fishing...

You know, just for the halibut...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Saw this at my local Tookies
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firedog26
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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What kind of fish are you supposed to eat when you are angry?

Cod, damn it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewUser579169
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Net fix and chill
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pottsie03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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Interesting breakthroughs in plant-based diets!

Researchers have discovered that when mixed with spices found in popular Hispanic dishes, ground peanuts make a great meat substitute!

It's also been found that an offshoot of the banana family, when fried, makes an awesome faux-fish sandwich!

Craving a frozen treat, but can't handle dairy? Some have found that chilled grapes and prunes can hit that sweet spot in a healthy way!

Keep experimenting with cruelty-free ideas!

TL/DR:

If you like peanut-chiladas, and getting cod from plantains, if you're not into yogurt 'cause you have lactose pains, you could make a lovely delight with some prunes and some grapes. Here's the grub that you've looked for, get that meat off your plate!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chadimus_Prime
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamieTheMusician
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Something's a little fishy here
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_my_wig
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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Why couldn't the fish stay in grad school?

Because all of his grades were under a sea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Haha
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxiTaxi27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Every time my son is eating a banana, I comment...

"Son, that looks appealing! Orange you glad you have a berry funny Dad like me? That's it, I'm plum out of jokes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterS42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
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What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peengwen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chennai_buzzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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