Sucker Puns

She's got great aspirations.

No, really...

I learned this from an old girlfriend's dad when he did it to her little sister.

Dad: Puts his hand on top of kid's head and squeezes to imitate a rhythmic suction. Then he says "You know what this is?"

Kid: "No what?"

Dad: "It's a brain sucker, you know what it's doing?"

Kid: "Sucking my brain."

Dad: "Nope! It's starving!"

This one gets me every time!

A lunar tick.

I said. What is life to you? some kind of a lime joke.

As long as I can remember he has made this joke, i'm 22 now.

Dad: (puts hand on my head). "Hey son, what's my hand?"

Me: "idunno dad, what?"

Dad: "it's a brain sucker. And what's it doing?"

Me: (partially annoyed cause iv'e heard this a million times) "whaaaaaaaat dad???"

Dad: "Starving." (Walks away with a smirk, like it's the first time he's ever told me it) -_-

A sucker pun-ch

TEN TICKLES !

Okay I’ll see myself out.

It was well armed!

Walk him, then pitch to the rhino. He’s a sucker for a curveball.

Because he was COFFIN.

He gave it a good licking.

Suckers

He’s a sucker for rings...

"My spine, It holds me back."

Because there's a sucker born every minute.

more like dad revelations. I was pulling up carpet and padding Sunday because we adopted two very rude Husky puppies last year that like to urinate in the house. As I was working, I was listening to Parliment Funkadelic on Pandora and I came to the realization that I was listening to P-Funk as I was dealing with pee funk.
Another thing that happened the same day was I took an opened bag of bird feed out of the closet to pull the carpet up and when I looked at it a bit later, I saw beetles all over the bag and crawling on the counter where I had set it. Probably 40 of the little suckers. I had to text my wife about that one. "Honey, I've got bad news. Our bag of bird feed has been infested with beetles. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with... more bird feed."
Anyway, just thought I would share. Carry on with the groaners.

Needless to say, he got sucker punched

Not completely sure this is a dadjoke but it sure got the same reaction. This happened about two years ago.

My wife used to work nights and on Friday and Saturday after she went to work, my then-12yo son and I would often watch a movie together. Sometimes he picked, usually it was a movie from The List, movies I liked when I was his age, things that shaped my sense of humor. I want him to be able to recognize the stupid quotes and references I throw at him. It’s his cultural education.

So we settled in for Groundhog Day. I’m a sucker for time travel shenanigans. Finished it up, he enjoyed it, and the next morning he was off to Boy Scout camp for a week.

He came back, we’re all excited to see him, and I tell him I got Groundhog Day 2 from Netflix. Threw it in the DVD player and we got about 20 minutes into before he looked at me and said “this is just Groundhog Day all over again, isn’t it? There is no Groundhog Day 2.”

So worth an extra week hanging onto the disc.

He's totally a sucker.

Because they have snow-caps!

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

Hard candy is for suckers

My five year old daughter had a blue colored sucker before bed. As I was brushing her teeth, I noticed they were a bit discolored.

“Hey! You’ve got Bluetooth!” I said.

So my wife just got her breast pump all set up. She's got the double suckers rolling, tits out, milk flowing like a minor tributary. And I ASK "ARE YOU PUMPED?!" fucking genius.... She stared silently for like 10 seconds. Then told me to post here.

"So long sucker"

There'd be a lot less suckers in the world.

I’ll miss that sucker.

Poly = many Ticks= blood-suckers

My favorite holiday was Halloween, but my girlfriend gets way too excited for Christmas.

I may be a sucker, but she’s a ho ho hoe

A dumb-bass

so long, suckers!

A seer-sucker.

A Sucker Punch.

Dad: Man! I'm so thirsty I can drink Canada Dry!

Me: (〒︿〒)

A settlement has been reached in one of the sweetest lawsuits ever to be filed in federal court, but details of the payday are under wrappers.

Daryl White Jr. of Belle, Missouri, didn’t sugar coat his anger about paying a dollar apiece for boxes of Mike and Ikes and Hot Tamales that were only two-thirds full. Determined not to be a sucker, he hired counsel and paid the U.S. District Court Western District of Missouri a $400 filing fee to sue Just Born Inc., the candymaker’s parent company, for alleged deceptive advertising and unjust enrichment.

SOURCE

So long, suckers!

Is that one is a slimy, bottom dwelling sum sucker and the other one is a fish.

My sister asked if we ever had shepherd's pie. I told her, "No, but every so often I cook 'matterdaddy.'" She walks off while shaking her head.

My brother doesn't get it and asks, "Matterdaddy? Matterdaddy? What the heck is a matterdaddy?"

I immediately respond with "Nothing. What's a matter with you?"

He groaned loudly and my sister just responds with "You're such a sucker for falling for that."

Give it ten tickles (tentacles).