He's really into podcasting!
Turns out that math wasn’t the best topic for De bait
You wont believe what happened next!
I thought I was in treble, but in the mid-dle of my trip, I figured out I was just going to get bass.
Me; "Not on porpoise"
He laughed 12 year old girl next to us cringed and said "porpoise... really?" Joke had desired effect.
Now I’m hooked
He yells "yeah my left one, my right one, and a weeKNEE!" Child giggles ensue. Instilling dad jokes at a young age. Dadding done right. (:
They’ll either catch a fish or die trying.
He wanted to go nuclear fission!
I just knew those traps looked debatable.
Sister (about bites she found on my niece in our family group text chat): it's fleas, I just found one biting her. I'm effing ticked!
Father: no, you're flea'd, not ticked, duh.
I replied "just giving them a taste, soon they'll be begging for us to HOOK them up"
After I said it, we both laughed for a few minutes and I knew I had to share it with you guys.
Thank you to the Disney employee that noticed my Reddit alien shirt last week and suggested r/dadjokes. I forgot how entertaining this group is :)
Once that get a taste, they're hooked.
My Dad: See the problem with hunting bears is you have to bait them and they might not take the bait.
Me: You know what they say, "If you can't bait 'em, join 'em."
I love Anna Kendrick, and my dad sent me an email with the subject line "Anna Kendrick sings and goes topless in new 'The Last Five Years' clip" with a link to this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtG2DJnLBEk
As you can see, Anna does not actually go topless in the trailer. When I questioned his subject line, he responded "She's in a topless car..."
So my daughter is sick and has been taking antibiotics for the past week. These antibiotics cause some unwanted side effects (unholy diarrhea) that require us to put a paste on her butt that keeps it from getting chapped. This lead to the following brief exchange between my wife and I:
(While she was changing an explosive diaper)
Her: Have you seen the butt balm?
Me: Yeah, it's right there in her diaper...