We used to tease a kid named Johnny because he had glasses.

Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Everisfunny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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When I went into the barn I saw my father doing a strip tease act in front of our tractor

He explained that he went to a marriage counselor because mom didn't want to be intimate anymore. The counselor told him he should do something sexy to attract her.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABitOfALuddite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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The alphabet is such a tease

First it’s all like HI, then it’s like JK.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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In medieval times the knights would sit around a table and tease Lance.

A lot.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xminus01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Houseflies are arithmetic-whizzes.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamexceptional
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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Whenever I walk out to my backyard pond

My fish first pop out to say hello, but then quickly retreat to cover. Then they'll tease like they're coming out again, but then they'll shy away.

What makes them act so coy!?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FightMilkLLC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 799
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazzukaMy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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That guy has to be teasing
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zCuppz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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My mom teased my dad, he didn't get a sandwhich after his reply.

My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.

Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .

Mom: which one?

Dad: Me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAEInferno
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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A bit of teasing...

100% True story. I was starting a new job at a software company and was talking to one of my coworkers who has many varieties of tea.

Me: That's a lot of tea you got there.

Him: Yeah, I'll let you sample one. Only $50.

Me: But isn't that a little steep?

Edit: Stupid phone formatting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HSLilAce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Did you know Karl Marx was teased by his classmates in school?

Thy teased him because he couldn’t capitalize.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshiau
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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Why are large birds teased so much?

They're easily ostrichsized

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcfinley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Why were the other puppies teasing the sled dog.

He was a little husky.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsandtrees
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Ever heard of the exotic dancer that graduated from MIT?

For her thesis, she did a Mobius strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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Why was the woman's hair crying?

The hairdresser was teasing it!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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I was laughing at my 5-yr-old daughter the other day while I was combing her hair.

When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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A coworker kept making fun of me because I have no sense of direction.

Finally, his teasing became so bad that I got left down and right.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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What do you call a flirty philosoper?

A Socra-tease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reptilegovernment
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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What cereal makes fun of you but doesn’t mean it?

We tease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
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I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip

It was a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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I asked my dad, who was standing in the kitchen, "Can you please turn the kettle on"

So he started doing a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boy_Lilikoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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Dad joke courtesy of my roommate and her boyfriend

My roommate was coughing and her boyfriend asked if she was sick. She said no, she was just coughy. Boyfriend said he thought she was more of a tea person.

I'm so proud because I'm usually the one with the Dad jokes around here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thburningiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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The Tale of Stanley Shithead

Stanley Shithead was made fun of for his entire life. "Shithead, Shithead, Shithead", his peers in highscool would chant. "Hey Shithead, have you finished your paperwork?", his co-workers would tease.

Stanley had had enough of this. He was going to change his name once and for all!

"Here's your paycheck, Mr. Shithead"

"Please, call me Chris"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stampytheman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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Mother's Day Dad Joke

I said something to tease my mom a bit and she goes:

"I'm going to put you back in my womb"

My response: "I don't think there's enough womb".

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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I should have laughed...

So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "ma

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwiikberg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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Beta Apps

Frustrated that I refused to turn on automatic updates because they constantly​ update, my husband, giving me crap, summed up his teasing by replying "Well, stop downloading beta apps, then."

Me: "I think you beta app-ologize for being such a jerk right now."

I'll let myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grumpstick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Dad joked my mom.

She was teasing me, so I said "You better stop, before I show you the back of my hand!"

She said "Do it!"

So I held up the back of my hand and said "See?"

She said "Yeah, that's what I thought."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImurderREALITY
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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A russian, a brit, and a mexican enter a one-liner pickup contest to win over the heart of a super hot covergirl...

...with the caveat that they have to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in their pickup line.

The Russian walks up to her and proudly recites: "My liver aches for you like it does for vodka, and my heart is incomplete like gruyere cheese". Crickets. The girl is a bit confused but is impressed with the guy's large biceps and full beard.

The Brit walks over to her and stammers: "I will tease your fancy with a sliver of cheese and liver". Nonsensical, but his accent did the trick. The girl blushes slightly.

The Mexican guy sees his opportunity and loudly yells: "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xandros91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Yesterday, I learned that my wife is a dad

Before dinner last night, I was teasing the kids about how we were going to have them for dinner. My daughter (4yo) had a moment where she was afraid I was serious and might actually cook her in her sleep, so I took a moment to assure her that we would never, ever eat her, and it was always just a joke.

Relaying this to my wife during dinner (partly so she'd know to be a little extra careful when making that kind of jokes for a bit), she told me "Making jokes about eating the children is in... wait for it... poor taste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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Girlfriend dad joked me at her birthday supper.

So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.

She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kill_Frosty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Dad got my mom after dinner

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evonb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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Doing the laundry

I was staring the laundry, and accidently dropped a sock as I carried the pile of clothes to the washing machine.

My wife picked it up and teasingly said "your dropped a sock".

I responded "geeze, who kew doing the laundry could be so agitating".

The look of confusion, then shock and statements of "no... No... Why!" were worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuranei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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The story of a boy named Bonnie

There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.

Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.

Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
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I always wanted to try mock duck,

but I am afraid of being teased.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tift
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2016
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u/Turk3ysDad was always so smooth with the bill

Not so much a joke, but just something my dad does:

Whenever we go out to eat, he must sense when the waiter/waitress is going to ask if we're ready for the bill, he pulls out his wallet and in one smooth motion presents he the credit card and says "Let me give you this now and save you the trip."

He must have a sixth sense about cause I have never been able to pull off that maneuver as easily. He might of been doing it subconsciously, because the one time I bring it up and tease him a little; he stopped doing it.

Legend has it once as he handed the card to the waitress she said, "Oh, that will save me a trip!" However I was not there so who really knows what happened that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TURK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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I pulled off a gutsy dad joke this morning.

My wife woke up late. So she asked me to help her with her morning routine, things like making her a lunch and stuff like that. When she was ready for work, she said, "Thanks, Husband. Sorry you had to pick up the slack. I got a little behind."

I teasingly said, "Is it under the rest of it?" ^^Oh ^^man, ^^I ^^hope ^^she ^^finds ^^this ^^funny.

Thankfully, she got a good laugh out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k_kolsch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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Joked a girl I was talking to last night.

I was teasing her about how short she was and she says "I know I hate it. I have really bad genes from my grandma." "Do they at least fit well?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/niggalai
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
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My mother defending her height

My mom is not more than 5 foot, so we all tease her about being short. My daughter is now as tall as her, so in church my mom is introducing her granddaughter to some friends and says that she has to wear elevator shoes to stay taller than her. I chime in, "yes, sometimes her elevator doesn't go to the top floor." The couple lost it, my mom was stunned, my daughter laughing her head off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeeper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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Working at Hannaford Supermarket, a customer asked if I wanted her "number"

I said, "Lady, we just met!"

Luckily, she had a great sense of humor. She was referring to, of course, a phone number for a rewards member look-up, but Hannaford Supermarkets does not have a membership card anymore; it was too easy, I had to tease her!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdheath
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2014
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Conflict of Interest: Romance vs. A Perfectly Executed Dad Joke

So I'm texting a guy I like. There was a miscommunication in text and he thought I called him shampoo. We were teasing each other about it for a minute when he said, "I am insulted."

To which I replied, "No. You are shampoo."

Think he'll still date me?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctrembs03
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
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Talking about my hair at breakfast and my uncle pulled this one...

I was talking about getting ready this morning while eating breakfast (including fixing my hair): Uncle: Do you want me to tease your hair? Me: ... Uncle: Na-na-na-na-boo-boo! Me: facepalm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leahm087
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2014
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Talking about my sister's boyfriend

His last name is Gaza, and we were talking about him. My dad promptly says

"Maybe he can do a gaza strip-tease for her"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frostbitex5
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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Too fun

Teasing my fiancΓ© last night.

Me: you are no fun.

Her: I am too fun.

Me: well maybe you should kick it up to three fun then.

I had to explain it to her. πŸ˜₯

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norwin37
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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Politicians and Guns

My apologies for this joke having a long lead up, but stay with me for a second and you'll understand. With the Ontario provincial elections having come and gone, it had reminded me of this getting dad joked by my uncle and a bit of underlying sarcasm that goes along with politics and the voting process. I was at my uncles farm and we were setting up for some target practice for my son and his buddy. My uncle says to me go into the shop there in the left front corner and grab one of those targets I have. As I execute my search for such item I see that they are old politic yard signs with paper targets stapled over top. I come out teasing my uncle that it looks like he's now supporting the green party, to which he reply's (queue dad joke).....

"Figured Id give 'em a shot"

Now let that sink in like I had too!

Damn he's good, and at age 78 Im totally impressed!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dontwanttosleep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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Ole Mother Hubbard

I was laying in bed with my lady, teasing her some and she says
'No I don't like that'
"I was just playing with you"
'That's not the kind of playing I want right now'
"Well that drawer next to you (with all our sex toys ect.) is still closed"
'No I don' want to do any of that tonight'
"Just some good old fashioned penis and vagina old mother hubbard sex?"
'yes'
"well at least you're giving the dog a bone"
facepalms and sighs ensued ;)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slm_87
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
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I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report

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