I remember when the kids used to tease me for my abilities as a tailor. I also had the same retort:

"Can sew! Can sew!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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We used to tease a kid named Johnny because he had glasses.

Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Everisfunny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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When I went into the barn I saw my father doing a strip tease act in front of our tractor

He explained that he went to a marriage counselor because mom didn't want to be intimate anymore. The counselor told him he should do something sexy to attract her.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABitOfALuddite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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The alphabet is such a tease

First it’s all like HI, then it’s like JK.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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In medieval times the knights would sit around a table and tease Lance.

A lot.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xminus01
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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A bunch of male ducks teased me today because I still watch Nickelodeon.

I ignored them because I don't have time for Drakes and Josh

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Decided to make a new stripe club today

We only play β€œHey There Delilah”. The club will called the Plain White Tease.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Might-Aromatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Houseflies are arithmetic-whizzes.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamexceptional
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

πŸ‘︎ 794
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazzukaMy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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My mom teased my dad, he didn't get a sandwhich after his reply.

My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.

Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .

Mom: which one?

Dad: Me

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAEInferno
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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That guy has to be teasing
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zCuppz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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What do you call a hand sanitizer station that's empty?

A hand sani-teaser....

....

....

Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...

Yeah?

Yeah?

aww....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForestOfCheem
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Whenever I walk out to my backyard pond

My fish first pop out to say hello, but then quickly retreat to cover. Then they'll tease like they're coming out again, but then they'll shy away.

What makes them act so coy!?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FightMilkLLC
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Did you know Karl Marx was teased by his classmates in school?

Thy teased him because he couldn’t capitalize.

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshiau
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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A bit of teasing...

100% True story. I was starting a new job at a software company and was talking to one of my coworkers who has many varieties of tea.

Me: That's a lot of tea you got there.

Him: Yeah, I'll let you sample one. Only $50.

Me: But isn't that a little steep?

Edit: Stupid phone formatting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HSLilAce
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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Why are large birds teased so much?

They're easily ostrichsized

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcfinley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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Why were the other puppies teasing the sled dog.

He was a little husky.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dogsandtrees
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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Ever heard of the exotic dancer that graduated from MIT?

For her thesis, she did a Mobius strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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What do you call a flirty philosoper?

A Socra-tease

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reptilegovernment
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Why was the woman's hair crying?

The hairdresser was teasing it!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Payasin70
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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I was laughing at my 5-yr-old daughter the other day while I was combing her hair.

When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hairy_Swinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2019
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A coworker kept making fun of me because I have no sense of direction.

Finally, his teasing became so bad that I got left down and right.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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What cereal makes fun of you but doesn’t mean it?

We tease

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ericmc80
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2017
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I asked my dad, who was standing in the kitchen, "Can you please turn the kettle on"

So he started doing a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boy_Lilikoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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I'm on vacation in Vegas, and my hotel falsely advertised views of the Strip

It was a strip tease

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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Dad joke courtesy of my roommate and her boyfriend

My roommate was coughing and her boyfriend asked if she was sick. She said no, she was just coughy. Boyfriend said he thought she was more of a tea person.

I'm so proud because I'm usually the one with the Dad jokes around here!

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thburningiraffe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2014
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I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2017
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Mother's Day Dad Joke

I said something to tease my mom a bit and she goes:

"I'm going to put you back in my womb"

My response: "I don't think there's enough womb".

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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The Tale of Stanley Shithead

Stanley Shithead was made fun of for his entire life. "Shithead, Shithead, Shithead", his peers in highscool would chant. "Hey Shithead, have you finished your paperwork?", his co-workers would tease.

Stanley had had enough of this. He was going to change his name once and for all!

"Here's your paycheck, Mr. Shithead"

"Please, call me Chris"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stampytheman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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I should have laughed...

So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "maybe u shouldn't act like ur top dog kid, it'll get ur undies ripped right off." And she shared the pic around school, and know people come up to me saying "dude ur dad Is like a jock who gives u wedgies!" And makes fun of me for it. A couple of the seniors football player pinned me down and wedgied me so bad in the halls my underwear ripped off. And everyone was laughing. At least it happened at the end of the year so I only had 2 week of teasing. People have forgotten about. IT WAS horrible. And humiliating. So now I laugh at his jokes no matter how cringey they are, cause I fear his wedgies. Because their not regular. There delivered by a man who's biceps are bigger than my head. It's very painful. SO THE LESSON IS TO ALWAYS LAUGH AT DAD JOKES, escpeically if he can dangle u by ur undies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwiikberg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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Beta Apps

Frustrated that I refused to turn on automatic updates because they constantly​ update, my husband, giving me crap, summed up his teasing by replying "Well, stop downloading beta apps, then."

Me: "I think you beta app-ologize for being such a jerk right now."

I'll let myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grumpstick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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Dad joked my mom.

She was teasing me, so I said "You better stop, before I show you the back of my hand!"

She said "Do it!"

So I held up the back of my hand and said "See?"

She said "Yeah, that's what I thought."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImurderREALITY
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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A russian, a brit, and a mexican enter a one-liner pickup contest to win over the heart of a super hot covergirl...

...with the caveat that they have to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in their pickup line.

The Russian walks up to her and proudly recites: "My liver aches for you like it does for vodka, and my heart is incomplete like gruyere cheese". Crickets. The girl is a bit confused but is impressed with the guy's large biceps and full beard.

The Brit walks over to her and stammers: "I will tease your fancy with a sliver of cheese and liver". Nonsensical, but his accent did the trick. The girl blushes slightly.

The Mexican guy sees his opportunity and loudly yells: "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xandros91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Yesterday, I learned that my wife is a dad

Before dinner last night, I was teasing the kids about how we were going to have them for dinner. My daughter (4yo) had a moment where she was afraid I was serious and might actually cook her in her sleep, so I took a moment to assure her that we would never, ever eat her, and it was always just a joke.

Relaying this to my wife during dinner (partly so she'd know to be a little extra careful when making that kind of jokes for a bit), she told me "Making jokes about eating the children is in... wait for it... poor taste."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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Girlfriend dad joked me at her birthday supper.

So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.

She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kill_Frosty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Got dad joked at a wedding that was held at a golf and country club

My fiance's uncle disappeared for a couple hours after the ceremony. He walks into the reception with two golf tees in his hand and says to anyone who will listen,

"they tell me I'm a tease"

while holding up the two tees.

He spent at least an hour looking for two golf tees just so he could make that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lady_S_87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Dad got my mom after dinner

My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).

While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.

Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!

Mom: that's on you, dad!

Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!

Chuckling ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evonb
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
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Doing the laundry

I was staring the laundry, and accidently dropped a sock as I carried the pile of clothes to the washing machine.

My wife picked it up and teasingly said "your dropped a sock".

I responded "geeze, who kew doing the laundry could be so agitating".

The look of confusion, then shock and statements of "no... No... Why!" were worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuranei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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u/Turk3ysDad was always so smooth with the bill

Not so much a joke, but just something my dad does:

Whenever we go out to eat, he must sense when the waiter/waitress is going to ask if we're ready for the bill, he pulls out his wallet and in one smooth motion presents he the credit card and says "Let me give you this now and save you the trip."

He must have a sixth sense about cause I have never been able to pull off that maneuver as easily. He might of been doing it subconsciously, because the one time I bring it up and tease him a little; he stopped doing it.

Legend has it once as he handed the card to the waitress she said, "Oh, that will save me a trip!" However I was not there so who really knows what happened that day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TURK3Y
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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I pulled off a gutsy dad joke this morning.

My wife woke up late. So she asked me to help her with her morning routine, things like making her a lunch and stuff like that. When she was ready for work, she said, "Thanks, Husband. Sorry you had to pick up the slack. I got a little behind."

I teasingly said, "Is it under the rest of it?" ^^Oh ^^man, ^^I ^^hope ^^she ^^finds ^^this ^^funny.

Thankfully, she got a good laugh out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/k_kolsch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
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The story of a boy named Bonnie

There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.

Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.

Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In the delivery room, Bonnie is standing by her side, their newborn child in her arms.

"I love you so much, hon." Bonnie told his wife, holding one of her hands. "You can name our baby girl anything you wise." he told her.

"Love. I want to name her Love." she replied, looking into his eyes. Bonnie was surprised by the strange name, and at first hesitant to agree, but he told her she could name their daughter anything. He nods in agreement and they carry on with their lives.

Fourteen years later, as with what happened with Bonnie, Love was picked on in high school for her strange name. One day, Love came home crying.

"What's wrong, Love?" Bonnie asked her worriedly.

"I hate you! Why did you give me such a stupid name?!" she screamed at him. She was furious. She was tired of the teasing and the mockery in high school. In a fit of rage, she pulled out Bonnie's handgun she had found in his night stand. She pulled the trigger and a bullet passed into Bonnie's chest.

Love panicked and ran away, and Bonnie's wife came after hearing the gun shot. She ran to Bonnie's side, picking his head up in her hands. She asked him what had happened.

"Shot through the heart... And you're to blame..." He said, weakly. "You gave Love... A bad name."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
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I always wanted to try mock duck,

but I am afraid of being teased.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tift
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2016
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My mother defending her height

My mom is not more than 5 foot, so we all tease her about being short. My daughter is now as tall as her, so in church my mom is introducing her granddaughter to some friends and says that she has to wear elevator shoes to stay taller than her. I chime in, "yes, sometimes her elevator doesn't go to the top floor." The couple lost it, my mom was stunned, my daughter laughing her head off.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eeeper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
🚨︎ report
I've never been to a gentleman's club, but I once read a torn newspaper with only the first 2 Calvin & Hobbes pannels intact,

so yeah I've had a strip tease.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2017
🚨︎ report

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