The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imj23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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Our two buddies Bean and Jack was arrested yesterday for harassing women.

Jack and the Bean stalk.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand-new Rolex."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wIXMamamama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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I lost my watch at a party once, turns out there was a guy harassing a woman while stepping on my watch. I went over to him a punched him, saying, β€œNo one does that to a woman...

not on my watch”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustiniR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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While I was walking the dog, our 4 yo was harassing my wife for a treat. She texted β€œShe’s trying to get a popsicle out of me.”

I responded β€œBut you’re not a freezer.”

I could feel the eye roll down the street.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/976chip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Where do spices go when they get harassed

Cumin resources

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Two prawns were swimming around in the sea

One called Justin and the other called Kristian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shark and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said. "Your wish is granted" Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Kristian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn..

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in hi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I lost my watch at a party on Saturday...

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_NotSlimShady
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing this girl.

I walked up to the guy, punched him right in the face.

No one does that to a girl...... not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hubmeme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knif3likepro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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I know that sexual harassment of geometric concepts is a bad thing.

But damn that is a fine line.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Dwayne Johnson is taking me to court for sexual harassment because I wouldn't stop spanking him

I've really hit Rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreacherousMango
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Why did Karen press ctrl+alt+delete?

She wanted to talk to the task manager.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelletjeN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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Harassing piers is a big problem
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JTeam_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Where does a pirate go when he is getting sexually harassed on the job?

The H Arrgghh department

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suddenimpulse01
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Teacher: Frame a sentence using the word 'harassment.'

Student: I'm in love with a girl and harassment a lot to me.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nocturnal_shit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2018
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Hundreds of birds came from the woods and were harassing sheep grazing in the fields.

So a black sheep took it upon himself to run into the woods to stop the birds. And it worked! The moral of the story? Lonely ewe can prevent forest flyers.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedpetez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
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I reported a cashier to her manager for sexual harassment

She was checking me out.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AutoRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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Every year at work they make us do a Sexual Harassment training, and I don't see what the big deal is...

Harassment nothing to me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChesterDrawls
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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Police harassment

I got arrested. They found a ruler, a pencil and a protractor. I was charged with carrying weapons of math instruction

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonibrown330
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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The other day I was driving by a prison and an unusually small person was scaling down the wall. I looked up at him confused as he sneered back at me.

And I thought to myself, well that’s a little condescending.

sorry it’s a repost of myself. My original post got removed for hate speech and harassment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZealousidealRise7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Quick, silver medal for this pun!
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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Last night I lost my watch at a party.

Later on I saw some guy harassing a woman while standing on it, so I walked up and punched him in the face.

Nobody does that to a woman.... not on my watch

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bakxr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Waitress asks: "Do you want a box for that?"

Dad: No, but I'll wrestle for it

πŸ‘︎ 130
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ulinskir
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
A brief summary of how Han Solo died
  1. Harass son
  2. Fjord
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myth-ran-dire
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2017
🚨︎ report
The local librarian is obviously a dad.

Me: I'd like to check these [books] out.

Librarian: Sorry, that's actually against the rules.

Me: Huh?

Librarian: You see, checking them out only makes them shelf conscious.

πŸ‘︎ 272
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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Lost my watch in a party yesterday.

Saw a man step on it while harassing a girl.

I said, β€œNo one does that to a woman. Not on my watch.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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Out to dinner, mother in law tried to say 'fondled' and 'fumbled' at the same time.

She ended up saying 'fundled'. Wife asked "what is fundled?"

I said, "it's the type of harassment you can't get sued for."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/accountnumber3
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My Dad thinks this is hilarious on so many levels...

Two prawns, Justin and Christian, were constantly harassed by sharks.

Finally Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't worry about being eaten by one."

A large, mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his former friend.

Time passed, Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old pals simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and Justin begged to be changed back to a prawn. And he was!

What a miraculous thing!

With tears of joy in his tiny little prawn-eyes, Justin swam back to his friends. But looking around the reef couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught at his best friend changing sides to the enemy and becoming a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right, Justin

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skinnyminx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
I dad-joked a guy I met online.

A little back-story. He's in college while I'm about to finish school.


Him: Haha, you're still in school, kiddo. I'm ANCIENT!

Me: I would totally exploit your ruins!

Him: Wooww, smooth.

Me: I'm so sorry for textually harassing you...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopyface05
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2014
🚨︎ report
I was on a train when I noticed a bully nearby who were harassing another guy sitting next to me. The bully then shoved the other guy, who bumped into my hand. I got up, punched the bully and said "Not on my watch...

..it's a brand new Rolex."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wIXMamamama
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl....

Not on my Watch

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
🚨︎ report
I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy standing on it while he was harassing some woman. Infuriated, I immediately went over and punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrokingMyBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Lost my watch at a party once

Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xPIRATE62x
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
🚨︎ report
I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Squatbarcurls
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
🚨︎ report
I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw a guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing a woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2017
🚨︎ report

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