While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad “I wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would be” as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said “Whorelocks.”
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were down on their luck.
They took one of their prized possessions—The Star of The Empire, one of the worlds largest diamonds—to a famous yet discreet pawn shop outside of Las Vegas to ask for a loan.
The pawnbroker said "So I talked to my buddy who is an expert in diamonds to get his opinion. I can give you $200,000 for it."
Prince Harry said "You must be joking, I had this appraised at nearly 2 million pounds! Don't you know who I am, I'm a prince! My mother is Queen of The United Kingdom, Elizabeth II!!"
The pawnbroker said "$200k, take it or leave it. When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are..."
Why did Harry Potter get along well with Postmen?
It's because he spoke parcel-tongue.
Harry Potter was kicked out of Hogwarts.
What’s Harry Potter’s favourite way of coming down a hill? Walking...
Where does Harry Potter keep his Gym equipment?
Behind the Dumb-Bell door..
“Sorry Harry, unfortunately we have to cancel your Vietnamese food delivery”
Harry Potter and the Order of the Pho Nix.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
What's Harry Potter's favorite broomstick manoever?
What is Harry Potters favorite breakfast?
I asked my friend to stop making Harry Potter puns and she got really mad
'Siriusly?' she said, 'what is Ron with you?'
Why did Dumbledore almost suck Harry Potter's soul?
Because he was dementor (the mentor).
Just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend
Stupid, really, because it meant I couldn't see the TV
What deodorant does Harry Potter wear?
Ex-smelly-arMpits
As inspired by a three year old who couldn't say Expelliarmus - the charm that makes whatever your opponents holding fly out of their hand - usually their wand.
What do you get when you watch ' you've got mail", " steel magnolias", and " when Harry met sally"?
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate?
All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
This guy told me he was Harry Potter’s godfather. I thought he was messing with me.
He told me he was Sirius.
Bought some discounted Harry Potter DVDs...
What's Harry Potter's author's favorite way of getting down a hill? Walking.
What does Harry Truman call cats?
Weapons of mouse destruction.
It would’ve been really dark if, when Snape was dying, Harry had said “now you’re really the half-blood prince”.
Because he only had half his blood left
A harry potter joke.
Student: Ah Sh*t, I used the wrong ingredients...
Horace Slughorn: *gasp* do not use such vial language in this classroom!!
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
The fifth one was dead sirius.
Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
Have you seen where Harry Potter’s magical wand was made? If you look closely, it says:
Harry Houdini was allergic to the metal they used to make handcuffs...
Every time they put a pair on him, he'd break out.
What Ernest Hemingway novel sees Harry Morgan lose an arm?
How does Harry Potter makeout with the delivery lady?
The Harry Potter films were really good, but I think nearly headless Nick was poorly executed
How does Harry Potter go down a hill?
What’s Harry Potters favourite way to get down a hill?
Walking? No… J.K. Rolling
How does harry potter get down a hill?
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking!.... JK ROLLING!
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill?
I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted.
But the fifth one— dead Sirius.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
Harry Potter can't tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
How does Harry Potter like to get to the bottom of a hill? Walking
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