100% True story. I was starting a new job at a software company and was talking to one of my coworkers who has many varieties of tea.
Me: That's a lot of tea you got there.
Him: Yeah, I'll let you sample one. Only $50.
Me: But isn't that a little steep?
Edit: Stupid phone formatting.
He was a little husky.
I ignored them because I don't have time for Drakes and Josh
"Can sew! Can sew!"
Once we took them from him , he started teasing us , because we now had glasses.
Our daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
A hand sani-teaser....
....
....
Because you think you're going to get your hand sanitized, but you don't, cause it's empty, so it's teasing you...
Yeah?
Yeah?
aww....
My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.
Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .
Mom: which one?
Dad: Me
He explained that he went to a marriage counselor because mom didn't want to be intimate anymore. The counselor told him he should do something sexy to attract her.
My fish first pop out to say hello, but then quickly retreat to cover. Then they'll tease like they're coming out again, but then they'll shy away.
What makes them act so coy!?
First itโs all like HI, then itโs like JK.
Thy teased him because he couldnโt capitalize.
They're easily ostrichsized
A lot.
For her thesis, she did a Mobius strip tease.
The hairdresser was teasing it!
When my wife asked what was happening, I replied, "I was just teasing her."
Finally, his teasing became so bad that I got left down and right.
A Socra-tease
So he started doing a strip tease
We tease
It was a strip tease
My roommate was coughing and her boyfriend asked if she was sick. She said no, she was just coughy. Boyfriend said he thought she was more of a tea person.
I'm so proud because I'm usually the one with the Dad jokes around here!
so yeah I've had a strip tease.
So my dad loves to tell jokes, not one has ever been funny. So one day my GF was over and he decided to share a joke with her. He does. I look at him and I'm like "cmon Dad, that's horrible! U can do better" and laughed kinda like I was pitying him. He goes u think ur so cool huh?" He then got up grabbed me and locked me between his legs. So u all can understand, I'm 16 5"8 and thin. So not many people can't beat me. My dad is 6"3 and jacked. He looks likes mark wahlberg, from pain and gain, and that's not an overstatement. He then goes "what should we do now? How about an old fashioned wedgie!" He grabbed my underwear and pulled as hard as he could. "Why do u want to date a nerd that where's briefs? Haha" he's going. She starts laughing a little. He then goes "let's give u (GF) a better view" he then turns me around and lifts me up with a wedgie, "look at this dork dangle by his undies! Take a picture!" She did then pulled hard again and my underwear tore. He looked at me and went "maybe u shouldn't act like ur top dog kid, it'll get ur undies ripped right off." And she shared the pic around school, and know people come up to me saying "dude ur dad Is like a jock who gives u wedgies!" And makes fun of me for it. A couple of the seniors football player pinned me down and wedgied me so bad in the halls my underwear ripped off. And everyone was laughing. At least it happened at the end of the year so I only had 2 week of teasing. People have forgotten about. IT WAS horrible. And humiliating. So now I laugh at his jokes no matter how cringey they are, cause I fear his wedgies. Because their not regular. There delivered by a man who's biceps are bigger than my head. It's very painful. SO THE LESSON IS TO ALWAYS LAUGH AT DAD JOKES, escpeically if he can dangle u by ur undies!
Frustrated that I refused to turn on automatic updates because they constantlyโ update, my husband, giving me crap, summed up his teasing by replying "Well, stop downloading beta apps, then."
Me: "I think you beta app-ologize for being such a jerk right now."
I'll let myself out.
Stanley Shithead was made fun of for his entire life. "Shithead, Shithead, Shithead", his peers in highscool would chant. "Hey Shithead, have you finished your paperwork?", his co-workers would tease.
Stanley had had enough of this. He was going to change his name once and for all!
"Here's your paycheck, Mr. Shithead"
"Please, call me Chris"
I said something to tease my mom a bit and she goes:
"I'm going to put you back in my womb"
My response: "I don't think there's enough womb".
She was teasing me, so I said "You better stop, before I show you the back of my hand!"
She said "Do it!"
So I held up the back of my hand and said "See?"
She said "Yeah, that's what I thought."
Before dinner last night, I was teasing the kids about how we were going to have them for dinner. My daughter (4yo) had a moment where she was afraid I was serious and might actually cook her in her sleep, so I took a moment to assure her that we would never, ever eat her, and it was always just a joke.
Relaying this to my wife during dinner (partly so she'd know to be a little extra careful when making that kind of jokes for a bit), she told me "Making jokes about eating the children is in... wait for it... poor taste."
So we were out at a restaurant for her birthday and we're both teasing each other. She got in a really good zinger on me and with no comeback I grabbed the salt shaker and put a very small amount of salt on her fries as a joke.
She puts down her fork and with a completely series face says "I'm inSALTed".
There was a boy in high school named Bonnie. As you can imagine, he was bullied and picked on because of his strange name. This lead to social anxiety and a few other issues, but there was one girl who helped him through all of his pain. He had a huge crush on this girl, and after weeks of psyching himself up, he asked her to the school dance coming up.
Much to his delight, he said yes, and off to the dance they went. They had a great time and shortly after, started dating. They spent a lot of time together, calling, texting and always hanging out. They were meant for each other. They continued dating after high school, into college. On their graduation day, he proposed to her on the stage. He was nervous about asking her in public like this, but as he got down on one knee, her face lit up, tears formed in her eyes. He asked her to marry him, she said yes and the crowd cheered.
Fast forward a few years, they've bought their own house, and she's now pregnant with their first child. In the delivery room, Bonnie is standing by her side, their newborn child in her arms.
"I love you so much, hon." Bonnie told his wife, holding one of her hands. "You can name our baby girl anything you wise." he told her.
"Love. I want to name her Love." she replied, looking into his eyes. Bonnie was surprised by the strange name, and at first hesitant to agree, but he told her she could name their daughter anything. He nods in agreement and they carry on with their lives.
Fourteen years later, as with what happened with Bonnie, Love was picked on in high school for her strange name. One day, Love came home crying.
"What's wrong, Love?" Bonnie asked her worriedly.
"I hate you! Why did you give me such a stupid name?!" she screamed at him. She was furious. She was tired of the teasing and the mockery in high school. In a fit of rage, she pulled out Bonnie's handgun she had found in his night stand. She pulled the trigger and a bullet passed into Bonnie's chest.
Love panicked and ran away, and Bonnie's wife came after hearing the gun shot. She ran to Bonnie's side, picking his head up in her hands. She asked him what had happened.
"Shot through the heart... And you're to blame..." He said, weakly. "You gave Love... A bad name."
I was teasing her about how short she was and she says "I know I hate it. I have really bad genes from my grandma." "Do they at least fit well?"
So I'm texting a guy I like. There was a miscommunication in text and he thought I called him shampoo. We were teasing each other about it for a minute when he said, "I am insulted."
To which I replied, "No. You are shampoo."
Think he'll still date me?
Teasing my fiancรฉ last night.
Me: you are no fun.
Her: I am too fun.
Me: well maybe you should kick it up to three fun then.
I had to explain it to her. ๐ฅ
I was staring the laundry, and accidently dropped a sock as I carried the pile of clothes to the washing machine.
My wife picked it up and teasingly said "your dropped a sock".
I responded "geeze, who kew doing the laundry could be so agitating".
The look of confusion, then shock and statements of "no... No... Why!" were worth it.
My wife woke up late. So she asked me to help her with her morning routine, things like making her a lunch and stuff like that. When she was ready for work, she said, "Thanks, Husband. Sorry you had to pick up the slack. I got a little behind."
I teasingly said, "Is it under the rest of it?" ^^Oh ^^man, ^^I ^^hope ^^she ^^finds ^^this ^^funny.
Thankfully, she got a good laugh out of it.
My mom made meatloaf for dinner (it was fairly good).
While doing dishes, my dad decided to put the scraps and some grease on a plate of dog food. He put the plate and the ground and kept turning it to tease the dog. This was right by the backdoor, and since it snowed today, there was a towel on which the dog dried his feet.
Me: the dog peed from you teasing him!
Mom: that's on you, dad!
Dad: it's not on me, it's on the towel!
Chuckling ensued.
but I am afraid of being teased.
...with the caveat that they have to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in their pickup line.
The Russian walks up to her and proudly recites: "My liver aches for you like it does for vodka, and my heart is incomplete like gruyere cheese". Crickets. The girl is a bit confused but is impressed with the guy's large biceps and full beard.
The Brit walks over to her and stammers: "I will tease your fancy with a sliver of cheese and liver". Nonsensical, but his accent did the trick. The girl blushes slightly.
The Mexican guy sees his opportunity and loudly yells: "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"
My apologies for this joke having a long lead up, but stay with me for a second and you'll understand. With the Ontario provincial elections having come and gone, it had reminded me of this getting dad joked by my uncle and a bit of underlying sarcasm that goes along with politics and the voting process. I was at my uncles farm and we were setting up for some target practice for my son and his buddy. My uncle says to me go into the shop there in the left front corner and grab one of those targets I have. As I execute my search for such item I see that they are old politic yard signs with paper targets stapled over top. I come out teasing my uncle that it looks like he's now supporting the green party, to which he reply's (queue dad joke).....
"Figured Id give 'em a shot"
Now let that sink in like I had too!
Damn he's good, and at age 78 Im totally impressed!
so yeah I've had a strip tease.
