Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
This bugs me
πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Red_Scarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you all hear about the drug bust at the bug spray factory?

Police said it was the greatest Raid ever!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremitthegorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of web developers DO like bugs?

Spiders!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notsafeforh0me
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My son came up to me and said that a bug was flying around his room, my wife said that he just imagined it.

I said that is justaflyable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexNoru
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make the bugs in your yard pay rent?

You fineants

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itsalejandreezy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote β€œAnt” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.

You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vtfb79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.

Personally I think that is just ignore ants.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezemity
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.

You always have to start from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bug activist who was happy he was fired?

He was for Termite Nation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/alphabluewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Pixar Presents 'A Bug's Strife'
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FatBenStiller
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
They just BUG me
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glorious_bangla
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?

They're getting married in the spring!

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/omg123456789
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the windshield wiper say to the bug?

I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_tiger253
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Bug thoughts

What is the last thing to go through a flies mind when it hits a cars windshield?

It's bum.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbiiggdd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
From my son: What’s the scariest bug?

Boo Bees!

I can’t wait to tell his first girlfriend he’s afraid of them.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
It used to bug me that all my clocks only displayed hours and minutes.

Then someone told me about second-hand stores!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/urbanek2525
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Any recommendations on a bug spray?

Send me the DEETs

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riz_lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I stayed at a hotel last night and came home with bed bugs!

I mite stay there again.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sajid786farz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Who says, "Bugs, you stole my hearing aids?! You're despicable!"

Deafy Duck

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm really nervous about this bug-eating contest

I've got butterflies in my stomach.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kiljaeden
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do bugs say good morning?

G'day mite

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HatsuneJimbo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me beyond words
πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Who knew bugs could bee this funny?
πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Petey1210
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What bug is the most attractive?

A centipede! It's got legs for days...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sundearay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?

It's butt

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigfatcats92
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My annoying little brother asks me which bug grosses me out this ants or those ticks...

I replied I am really getting tired of your ant ticks.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darthbaum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what really bugs me?

Insect puns.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
This vaccination VW Beetle: "The Flu Bug"
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?

His butt.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doogdoogdoog123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A bug hit my windshield today...

I bet he wont have the guts to do that again.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kylie871
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who loves bugs?

Insectual

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Which video game is filled with bugs

Hollow knight

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/araarq
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I need some bug spray.

A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.

The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.

The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.

The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.

The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.

The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.

(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpsJL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?

Scenta-Peed

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pebkak
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Damn bugs!

Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!

SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?

Me: No! They are driving me nuts!

SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?

Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomenein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Summer bugs me
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToxianLeader
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I prefer a bugs life anyway
πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayshenny
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...

...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.

My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"

She's going to be a great dad one day.

Edit: skipped a word

πŸ‘︎ 818
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftHandedToe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Problems in Apple's software shouldn't be called bugs

but worms.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LivyThePooh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a bug's favourite sport?

Cricket

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bee-fe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Grandpa: Did you see that bug hit the window?

Me: Yep

Grandpa: Bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again!

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sealed_Fusion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?

His ass.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djhorne
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Had an unexpected confrontation with death today. Damn bug flew right into my eye.

I’m still trying to get some closure.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hunkerdown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you tell to a joke that really bugs you?

Bee gone or Bug off

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baseballmagic505
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?

Man-tis day sucked

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EyefulSin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
A bug in chrome.
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMegaPetabyte
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Bugs Bunny say when he met Bill Gates?

What's up .doc

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/datkilledme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I found a pretty big bug in Chrome
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cpguy5089
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter saw a bug on the ground

Daughter: Dad, what is that? Me: Looks like a millipede. Daughter: Well, that's better than a millipooped

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanClaymore
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a bug-type trainer's favorite band?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrochetKitten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't bug
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/romantheperogi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?

They're getting married in the spring!

I made a pun. Now gimme gold plz!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tionsity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A bug flew into my mouth

Oh heck what's the name of it? it's on the tip of my tongue...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lui_Le_Diamond
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Spiders are the only web developers who like to find bugs
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTexican11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if he’s ever seen a bug in his drink.

β€œOnce in a blue moon.”

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Which bug is strong enough to work in construction?

A Caterpillar.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Bug in The Matrix
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/idk_Just_Someone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?

It’s ass.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grelma
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Some people were swatting at bugs and they were joking about how they looked they were doing martial arts

I told them it was called hop moskido.

This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BASIC-Mufasa
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Cuban dictator with a tummy bug?

Fidel Gastro.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one on the windshield say to the other bug on the windshield?

Bet you don't have the guts to do that again

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/25hwhite
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I named a bug in my house Buddha

He’s a Buddha pest

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jc123ucme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a bug's most hated vegetable?

Squash.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PluvioBlue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you like Bug Pokemon?

Just a Weedle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stuliex
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad was complaining at all the bug guts on the car window. I said β€œ yea, the new windows has lots of bugs”
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheUniqueFiness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2018
🚨︎ report
It makes a lot of sense that Anthem has a lot of bugs in it.

I mean, it has β€œAnt” right in the title!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CritLuck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Anyone else hate insect puns? They really bug me
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a town filled with overweight bugs?

Abeecity

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathwish2022
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend found bugs in her expensive organic bread flour.

She didn't want to waste it, but I assured her that throwing it away is the lesser of two weevils.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I put my bug spray on just like everybody else.

One leg at a time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GSstreetfighter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?

It’s butt

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thorazine222
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
People who mix up entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zarokima
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
After a bug hit my windshield...

Dad- "I'll Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nottydane
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2014
🚨︎ report
"How are we going to stay in contact?" Donald asked Bugs Bunny.

"WhatsApp, duck!" said Bugs Bunny.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My GF was trying to get rid of a stink bug in her apartment and said β€œbut what if I accidentally squish it while trying to get rid of it?”

I replied, β€œWell that would stink.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biomedatheist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A bug hits the windshield.

β€œHe’ll never have the guts to do that again.”

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Niffer13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call an insane bug in space?

A lunar-tick.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/century1goomba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?

Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wigglesface
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a web developer who likes to find bugs?

A spider

πŸ‘︎ 136
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smilie_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
There are two bugs. The fly says to the other one β€œhey bug on my back... are you a mite?”

Bug responds: β€œI mite be.”

Fly: β€œStupidest Pun I Ever Heard”

Bug: β€œWhat do you expect... I made it up on the fly”

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doge_the_dogey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2017
🚨︎ report
I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...

...I just joined the SWAT team.

πŸ‘︎ 713
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoccoRacer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Watch out for this new computer bug
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shiverstar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house

Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.

My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"

The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.

I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"

πŸ‘︎ 161
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobosaurusRex2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?

They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MathAndMirth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Hello, Geek Squad? I'd like to file a bug report.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Suprcheese
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Apple should stop calling errors "bugs" and starts calling them worms.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug?

She's going to have her baby in the spring.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I need help with bug puns.

I need insect puns for the the name of a company who makes food out of edible bugs. It's a packaging project for a graphic design class. I think I'm going with trail mix and the three bugs I'm using are a beetle, cicada, and horn worm. If that helps at all. I would be eternally grateful!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerjopop
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?

They're getting married in the spring.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YetiFromJersey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?

They're getting married in the spring.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beatenthem
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report

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