What is The metric system’s favorite bug?
A centipede. I’m a dad, can confirm
What’s with all the talk about horny bugs in Washington D.C.?
I keep hearing about the capital insect erection.
Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?
A bug hit my windshield on the way to work this morning
I said “I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again”
Did you hear about the pregnant bed-bug?
It's having babies in the spring.
Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug??
She’s going to have her baby in the spring!
What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?
What did Bugs Bunny say when the doctor asked him how he should be contacted with his test results?
What bug did dinosaurs hate the most?
Did you all hear about the drug bust at the bug spray factory?
Police said it was the greatest Raid ever!
How do you make the bugs in your yard pay rent?
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
Did you hear about the bug activist who was happy he was fired?
He was for Termite Nation.
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring!
From my son: What’s the scariest bug?
Boo Bees!
I can’t wait to tell his first girlfriend he’s afraid of them.
This vaccination VW Beetle: "The Flu Bug"
What bug is the most attractive?
A centipede! It's got legs for days...
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...
...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.
My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"
She's going to be a great dad one day.
Edit: skipped a word
Grandpa: Did you see that bug hit the window?
Me: Yep
Grandpa: Bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again!
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Spiders are the only web developers who like to find bugs
My dad was complaining at all the bug guts on the car window. I said “ yea, the new windows has lots of bugs”
My daughter saw a bug on the ground
Daughter: Dad, what is that?
Me: Looks like a millipede.
Daughter: Well, that's better than a millipooped
I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...
...I just joined the SWAT team.
A bug hits the windshield.
“He’ll never have the guts to do that again.”
There are two bugs. The fly says to the other one “hey bug on my back... are you a mite?”
Bug responds: “I mite be.”
Fly: “Stupidest Pun I Ever Heard”
Bug: “What do you expect... I made it up on the fly”
Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?
Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day
Whenever a bug splats on the window when we're driving...
"Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"
Every. Single. Time.
I lent money to a blind man the other day, bug now I’m a bit worried
He said he’ll pay me back when he sees me again
What did the windshield wiper say to the bug?
I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring.
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?
What's the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring.
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring!
I made a pun. Now gimme gold plz!
What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?
What did one on the windshield say to the other bug on the windshield?
Bet you don't have the guts to do that again
What’s the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug?
She's going to have her baby in the spring.
What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
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