How do you make the bugs in your yard pay rent?
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
My wife said the best way to deal with bugs in the kitchen is to just leave them alone.
Personally I think that is just ignore ants.
It’s tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.
You always have to start from scratch.
Did you hear about the bug activist who was happy he was fired?
He was for Termite Nation.
Pixar Presents 'A Bug's Strife'
What did the windshield wiper say to the bug?
I bet you don’t have the guts to do that again
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring!
Bug thoughts
What is the last thing to go through a flies mind when it hits a cars windshield?
It's bum.
From my son: What’s the scariest bug?
Boo Bees!
I can’t wait to tell his first girlfriend he’s afraid of them.
It used to bug me that all my clocks only displayed hours and minutes.
Then someone told me about second-hand stores!
Any recommendations on a bug spray?
I stayed at a hotel last night and came home with bed bugs!
Who says, "Bugs, you stole my hearing aids?! You're despicable!"
"Dad, are bugs good to eat?"
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
I'm really nervous about this bug-eating contest
I've got butterflies in my stomach.
What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on a bug?
Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant.
How do bugs say good morning?
People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me beyond words
What bug is the most attractive?
A centipede! It's got legs for days...
My annoying little brother asks me which bug grosses me out this ants or those ticks...
I replied I am really getting tired of your ant ticks.
Who knew bugs could bee this funny?
You know what really bugs me?
This vaccination VW Beetle: "The Flu Bug"
What do you call someone who loves bugs?
Which video game is filled with bugs
A bug hit my windshield today...
I bet he wont have the guts to do that again.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
I need some bug spray.
A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.
The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.
The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.
The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.
The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.
The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.
(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)
Damn bugs!
Me: {swatting angrily} These bugs are irritating!
SO: Are they... "Bugging" you?
Me: No! They are driving me nuts!
SO: They are driving you... "gnats"?
Me: GOD DAMN IT!!!
I prefer a bugs life anyway
What is a bug's favourite sport?
Problems in Apple's software shouldn't be called bugs
Grandpa: Did you see that bug hit the window?
Me: Yep
Grandpa: Bet he doesn’t have the guts to do that again!
Very proud of my five year old daughter. My wife screamed with a sound of absolute terror while in the shower earlier. I find out that she saw a few hairs together, thought it was a giant bug, and temporarily lost her mind. My daughter asked why she screamed...
...so I told her that her mom saw a few hairs fall out of her head and freaked out.
My daughter responds, completely deadpan, "mom had rabbits falling out of her head?"
She's going to be a great dad one day.
Edit: skipped a word
Had an unexpected confrontation with death today. Damn bug flew right into my eye.
I’m still trying to get some closure.
What do you tell to a joke that really bugs you?
What did Bugs Bunny say when he met Bill Gates?
My daughter saw a bug on the ground
Daughter: Dad, what is that?
Me: Looks like a millipede.
Daughter: Well, that's better than a millipooped
What did the bug say to his bug wife after a bad day?
I found a pretty big bug in Chrome
A bug flew into my mouth
Oh heck what's the name of it? it's on the tip of my tongue...
Which bug is strong enough to work in construction?
Spiders are the only web developers who like to find bugs
What's a bug-type trainer's favorite band?
I asked my dad if he’s ever seen a bug in his drink.
What do you call a Cuban dictator with a tummy bug?
Some people were swatting at bugs and they were joking about how they looked they were doing martial arts
I told them it was called hop moskido.
This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help
I named a bug in my house Buddha
What's a bug's most hated vegetable?
My dad was complaining at all the bug guts on the car window. I said “ yea, the new windows has lots of bugs”
It makes a lot of sense that Anthem has a lot of bugs in it.
I mean, it has “Ant” right in the title!
What do you call a town filled with overweight bugs?
Anyone else hate insect puns? They really bug me
I put my bug spray on just like everybody else.
My friend found bugs in her expensive organic bread flour.
She didn't want to waste it, but I assured her that throwing it away is the lesser of two weevils.
People who mix up entomology and etymology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
"How are we going to stay in contact?" Donald asked Bugs Bunny.
"WhatsApp, duck!" said Bugs Bunny.
My GF was trying to get rid of a stink bug in her apartment and said “but what if I accidentally squish it while trying to get rid of it?”
I replied, “Well that would stink.”
A bug hits the windshield.
“He’ll never have the guts to do that again.”
What do you call an insane bug in space?
Do you recall that film that was kinda like A Bug's Life and came out at the same sort of time as A Bug's Life but wasn't nearly as good as A Bug's Life?
Well you should, it's Remember Antz Day
What do you call a web developer who likes to find bugs?
Apple should stop calling errors "bugs" and starts calling them worms.
You know what bugs me about quantum mechanics?
They charge $500 to "fix" a bunch of stuff that probably wasn't even really wrong with your atom in the first place.
There are two bugs. The fly says to the other one “hey bug on my back... are you a mite?”
Bug responds: “I mite be.”
Fly: “Stupidest Pun I Ever Heard”
Bug: “What do you expect... I made it up on the fly”
Have you heard about the pregnant bed bug?
She's going to have her baby in the spring.
Watch out for this new computer bug
Hello, Geek Squad? I'd like to file a bug report.
When you're an entomologist, your girlfriend calls you to save her every time there's a bug in her house
Any time there's an insect in my girlfriend's house she calls me over to handle it, usually to cup it and throw it outside. On this fine occasion I observed what looked like a very small roach (Order: Blattodea), possibly a german roach, the kind that are much less freaky huge but more likely to infest a house. Not wanting to take any chances with a german roach infestation, I immediately smashed the little guy instead of saving him.
My GF asks, "what was it? a roach?"
The body is pretty squished and it's hard to see any identifiable features.
I say, "I'm pretty sure it's a Splattodea"
I picked up an electric bug zapper racket the other day. All you bad bugs beware...
...I just joined the SWAT team.
What does a bug do when it has stomach problems?
I need help with bug puns.
I need insect puns for the the name of a company who makes food out of edible bugs. It's a packaging project for a graphic design class. I think I'm going with trail mix and the three bugs I'm using are a beetle, cicada, and horn worm. If that helps at all. I would be eternally grateful!!
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring.
What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield?
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring.
What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits your windshield?
Did you hear about the bed bugs who fell in love?
They're getting married in the spring!
I made a pun. Now gimme gold plz!
What’s the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits a windshield?
What did one on the windshield say to the other bug on the windshield?
Bet you don't have the guts to do that again
What’s the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?
After a bug hit my windshield...
Dad- "I'll Bet he doesn't have the guts to do that again!"
What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?
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