OC, This mosquito got wiped out
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iwantmyteslanow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a Mosquito and a Fly?

A mosquito can fly, but a fly can’t mosquito.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/au-Razzo
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
A mosquito landed on my wife's face...

Easiest decision of my life.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sexxc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now it has no friends.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluetwo12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
When you swat a mosquito on your arm

its death is in vein

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
What did the baby mosquito say after his first flight?

β€œMama, mama! Did you see that? Everyone was clapping for me!”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leeuwe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?

Nothing - you can't cross a vector with a scalar.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call an italian mosquito?

malario

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CowSensei
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m the animal kingdom, it’s considered a heinous crime for a malaria-infected mosquito to bite.

The insect police force was tracking one of these malaria-mosquitos, when the mosquito fled to a farm. First, she tried to hide in the house, until the farmer chased her away with a newspaper. She tried to hide in the barn with the horses, but the barn cat took a few swipes at the mosquito, and chased it from the barn.

Finally, the mosquito set eyes on sheep in the pasture.she decided all that thick wool would be the perfect place to hide from the insect police force.

The police force arrived shortly after. They first went to the house. No mosquito. They searched the horses. No mosquito. Finally, they got to the pasture with the sheep. After searching and searching, they could not find where the mosquito had hidden.

The mosquito was on the lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadfullyBIzzy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva

I see a pool of enbitenment

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beanimus0829
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...

It was malarious

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoustachePig43
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now he’ll never have friends!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Namdnas78
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally have installed a mosquitos screen on the window...

But I felt the waste of effort when I found 2 mosquitos still in the room, now I will have to remove the screen to let the mosquitos out and reinstall it again

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inaudience
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Most Mosquito jokes aren't funny.

But some are Malarious.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maverick_524
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...

I guess he would have to start from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.

It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mosquito who became a comedian?

He's malarious

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tampapunk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn't find any name brand mosquito repellent at the store today.

They only had the Off brand.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnchantedLuna
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The Goddess Mosquito

I currently have a very uncomfortable and inflamed bug bite on my foot. This morning while making my coffee, I noticed a fat mosquito walking around on the counter. I called my husband over to kill it.

He grabbed a napkin, killed it, and said, "Wow. That was definitely the Goddess Mosquito."

I obviously asked with genuine curiosity, "What's a Goddess Mosquito?"

He said,

"It's the one that got us."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papyra
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Mosquito who became a comedian?

I think he's Malarious!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BesternPreston
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Funny mosquito

What do you call a funny mosquito? Malarious

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcchuck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Whats the diffrence between a mosquito and a fly?

A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shashaaaaaank
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a mosquitos worst fear?

The S.W.A.T Team

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRB33ZY
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?

A diplognat!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spokandyland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the Italian mosquito say?

"Itsa me Malario!"

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Purple_Pug
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

A mosquito can fly but a fly cant mosquito (Told by my dad earlier lol)

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throbbin_Goblin
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
From my Dad many years ago while out camping in a mosquito infested area: There isn't a single mosquito here!

They are all married and have ten thousand kids!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heythisisbrandon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?

A golden opportunity.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?

M'laria

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/explodingpear
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a mosquito and fly?

A mosquito can fly but a fly cannot mosquito...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 2, no idea how they got there

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shanegreen82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?

A bug-hati

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Hear the joke about the mosquito?

It's malarious.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?

It was a bah hum bug

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntidoteYYMBR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
what do mosquito bites and vinyl records have in common?

They both scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajjanialthor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend got a disease from a mosquito bite

They were really sad but I thought it was malarious

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AquaticInfern0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...

That's probably going to come back to bite me later

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProducerPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?

With bug bytes

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khitty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
🚨︎ report
*tips hat at mosquito*

M’laria

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2018
🚨︎ report
The biggest name brand in mosquito repellent...

Is still an OFF brand.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nerdEE
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2015
🚨︎ report
A baby mosquito goes out for this first flight and the mommy mosquito asks him how it went

The baby said excitedly "it was awesome; everyone was clapping for me!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poke991
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What did one mosquito say to the other mosquito that just cracked a joke?

'That's malarious' πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/opportunistuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Wife asked for advice on mosquito bites

I told her to stop being attractive.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadowSlave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Why mosquito bites itch
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaggotInASuit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly?

You can't sew a zipper on a mosquito.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Mosquito-borne infectious diseases aren't funny.

They're malarious.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnFancyPants
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call Kentucky mosquito-infested grassland?

A conservative vector field

Got my calculus professor with this one last year.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rambo_Rambowski
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Mosquito joke my dad dropped today

My dad got home from work today and noticed we have a lot of extra mosquitoes that have got into the house.

My mom made a comment that bats eat mosquitoes, my dad replied with, "We should bring them in the house to com-BAT those skeeters!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taynaynay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
🚨︎ report

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