Suction Puns

So he took the plunger.

I learned this from an old girlfriend's dad when he did it to her little sister.

Dad: Puts his hand on top of kid's head and squeezes to imitate a rhythmic suction. Then he says "You know what this is?"

Kid: "No what?"

Dad: "It's a brain sucker, you know what it's doing?"

Kid: "Sucking my brain."

Dad: "Nope! It's starving!"

This one gets me every time!

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

As you may know, after you get a tooth pulled, you can't drink from a straw, or do anything that causes a suction effect, else you may get dry socket.

I told my wife that she should call her boss and say this will be her most productive week... because she's not allowed to suck at anything.........

Everyone but my wife laughed.

Teacher: "Anyone know what's holding them together?"

Student: "Suction?"

Teacher: "No. That answer sucked."

Groans and chuckles come from all corners of the room.

EDIT: golding

So one of my classmates is telling the instructor what type of suction unit we use for EMS calls.

The instructor says "Oh those really suck" (not meaning it as a pun)

I respond "Well technically they all do"