My friend wanted to go cliff diving but he had to take his emotional support device for unclogging using suction...

So he took the plunger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
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Brain Sucker

I learned this from an old girlfriend's dad when he did it to her little sister.

Dad: Puts his hand on top of kid's head and squeezes to imitate a rhythmic suction. Then he says "You know what this is?"

Kid: "No what?"

Dad: "It's a brain sucker, you know what it's doing?"

Kid: "Sucking my brain."

Dad: "Nope! It's starving!"

This one gets me every time!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/beat1706
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2014
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Landed this on the 'Genius' in the Apple store...

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithmf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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My wife just had a tooth pulled

As you may know, after you get a tooth pulled, you can't drink from a straw, or do anything that causes a suction effect, else you may get dry socket.

I told my wife that she should call her boss and say this will be her most productive week... because she's not allowed to suck at anything.........

Everyone but my wife laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snorgledork
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
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During an engineering class.

Teacher: "Anyone know what's holding them together?"

Student: "Suction?"

Teacher: "No. That answer sucked."

Groans and chuckles come from all corners of the room.

EDIT: golding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Confused-Gent
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
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Airway Managemnt in my EMT class

So one of my classmates is telling the instructor what type of suction unit we use for EMS calls.

The instructor says "Oh those really suck" (not meaning it as a pun)

I respond "Well technically they all do"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksideguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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