I phone, you tube. We talk.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aashma360
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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My friend tried to get me to join his MLM scheme of selling devices for establishing a horizontal line by means of a bubble in a liquid that shows adjustment to the horizontal by movement to the center of a glass tube...

It'd make cents off so many levels.

/edit:rephrased punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
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Archimedes was sat around thinking of names for the fluid expulsion tube in the human body. Suddenly, he knew the perfect name, stood up, and shouted-

"URETHRA!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
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The headline writer for this article had waited years for this moment. Though it is rumoured his final idea came to him on the tube... bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england…
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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I made the mistake of drinking the liquid from a scientist’s test tube.

It was a vial substance.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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What’s the advantage to being a test tube baby?

You get a womb with a view.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jalfredproofrock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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I didn't know test tubes were this colourful.
πŸ‘︎ 476
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dz959
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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Women really know how to hold grudges over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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What did the duck say to the cashier when he bought a tube of lipstick?

Can you put it on my bill?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doclsd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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I finally purchased a new tube of Fixodent Denture Adhesive Cream for my wife and me!

It was good to strengthen our bond.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?

Catherine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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If soft drinks came long, thin, wooden tubes, it would be fantastick.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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What do you call a piece of tube-shaped pasta that watched too much anime?

Arigatoni.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
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I asked my friend for a tube of toothpaste. He gave me the smallest tube I’ve ever seen.

Next time, I’ll ask for teethpaste.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j_jolly_04
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London tube

He went from barking to tooting in 15 minutes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K00lguy720
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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My wife really knows how to hold a grudge, she asked for a tube of lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tub of glue

She still isn’t talking to me

PS. This is a cross post from r/ShittyLifeProTips

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AjIsMySlave
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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Women really know how to hold a grudge over the simpelest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue

It's been a week and she's still not talking to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Obsidi3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I'll never understand how Americans use cheese from tubes or slices as everyday food...

We should definitely make America grate again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/newbieatthegym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
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A duck walked into a drugstore to buy a tube of chapstick. he told the cashier:

"just put it on my bill"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryingAsparagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
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[Request] Looking for puns about "tubes"? My pun-loving friend just had emergency surgery to remove her Fallopian tube and I'd like to cheer her up!

Thanks in advance!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dar_Winning
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
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Isn't the tube that carries sperm from the testicle essentially doing pretty much the same job as the testicle itself?

Nope. There's a vas deferens.

(For those who skipped HS Biology - NSFW)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddesla2
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Dad joke solidarity on the tube today

A boy and girl (about 14/15) were arguing about what trains they should take to get to their destination. Although friendly the argument got pretty loud and their other friend (boy, same age) says:

"Hey, no need to go off the rails....geddit?"

He looked really pleased with himself they didn't even laugh.

As I got off I looked at him, nodded and said "Nice" and he said "Thank you".

I forgot to mention that his girl friend might be pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnathemaFan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2014
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Coffee went down the wrong tube at breakfast.

Hey dad are you alright?

Yeah, but that sure was some strong cough-ee!

DAD!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/germsburn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2015
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Got my friend on the tube

Him: "Should we take this way out or that way out?"

Me: "That way out looks way out"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2015
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Overheard a family group on the tube...

...wife mentions getting off at Barking. "That's where all the dogs live." Goes completely over his young kids head, wife gives him the 'you're an idiot' stare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatIsThePint
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2014
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What did the tire say to the inner tube?

I got you covered my totally tubular friend.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musicmanjams
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2014
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