Duct tape is like the Force.

It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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My job installing air ducts is very frustrating...

thank goodness I get to VENT a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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Using exactly 12" of duct tape to fix a leaking pipe is a Stop-Gap Measure

Duct tape used for everything, including puns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirGreybush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Duct tape isn't ever used for its intended purpose...

But it DOES seal quacks in ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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I got my girlfriend duct tape and packing tape

I've heard mixtapes are romantic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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His sperm duct is comparatively much longer than mine

There is a vas deferens in length

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_aftershock786
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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They're lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i've

Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josefransisco
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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Duct tape is useful for almost everthing, if only it worked for emotions

Tear-Duct Tape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxtheloco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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Do you know what duct tape is good for?

Fixing quacks in your ducks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lepew13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Did you hear about the first guy to give a cold shoulder while crawling around in duct work?

It was quite the in vent shun.

Daddy deserves a spanking for that joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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Two electricians I was talking to were arguing over the quality of the duct sealing work in a panel...

"that right there is the duct seal" "that ain't no duct seal" "look here! Ain't no ducks gettin through that there seal!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FilthyMcnasty87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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I once read a book about WD-40.

It was in the non-friction section.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Predestinatural
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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I pestered my wife all evening with nonstop corny wordplay jokes until I got β€œthe look”...

I may have encountered some punintended consequences.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Advice for a broken arm

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AltFactsMusic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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I just bought a dead bird for $300

It wasn't going cheep

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jdollard333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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How do you fix a broken pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourbears7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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What happened to the kid who got sucked into the ventilation system?

He was abDUCTed!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frydadplus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the des

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from Mexican prison...

After I duct, I found I conduit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft

A Duct-ape. Hahaha any dads laugh in approval?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ultmtweemanfrsh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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What did the man put in his eye to stop tears coming out?

Duct tape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sNatchyy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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Where do HVAC installers store their money?

In a duct bank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dom1tron
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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When someone asks about Wyoming, the proper response is...

Why not Oming?

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πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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The HVAC worker had trouble at work...

They had to get their ducts in a row.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
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Silence is golden!

Duct tape is silver... silver can be made into gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Getting cold this time of year

With winter pretty much here my little garage ship has been getting pretty cold. I have poor circulation so my fingers become icicles and I drop tools, which can be very dangerous. So I duct taped some gloves to some German electric power tools. This way I keep my fingers warm while still retaining my Fein motor control.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beowolf241
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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What do you call a sad bird?

A tear duct.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musehobo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
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What is the temperature inside of a tauntaun?

Lukewarm

Dad never fails to tell this joke whenever we watch Star Wars. Along with the duct tape/force joke. (It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Gas station clerk got me today...

Me: Can I put 10 bucks on 2. Clerk: Stapler or Duct tape Me:huh? Clerk: I personally think the stapler helps keep the bills on the machine better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsmit84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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give a helping hand

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollarRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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I consider myself a decent purveyor of dad jokes, but my dad showed me there is still much to learn from him

I was drinking in an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day a few years ago when the building suffered a malfunction. The register cover of the air conditioning vent was not secured to the wall and worked its way loose, hitting me and a friend. I ended up with a cut on my forehead, a spiffy blue bandaid from the kitchen first aid kit, and a comped bar tab.

My dad told me I should have duct.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tasty_rogue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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my grandfather's response to a telemarketer

he often gets calls from a company to get his ducts cleaned. and he responds every time with, "i'm not interested, sorry, we don't have any ducts, we have chickens"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatsmybusiness
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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