I’m not the mouth, the stomach, the small or large intestines

AITA?

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logoman4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.

(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Did you know that the first ever balloons were made out of animal intestines and organs?

That means the first balloons weren't balloon animals, but ballooned animals.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
What happens in the intestines stays in the intestines.

Oh I forgot. Crap.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sir-adrian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Finely chopped meat mixed with gelatine, blood, grits, or bread, then stuffed into animal intestines or skin, sounds pretty bad wherever you are.

But in Germany, it's the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeverBob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I want to tell you a joke about small intestine

But villi?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoopPower333
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: One of our neighbors had a part of his large intestine removed. Her: Oh my God! Is he in a coma?

Me: No, but he ended up with a semi colon.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Just got back from the doctor, I have inflamed intestines.

Otherwise known as, swollen colon.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joshthebear93
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you know when a large intestine is telling a dad joke to the small intestine?

He’s saying it ingest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bridgeheadprod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My GF got intestine infection..

GF: "You forgot I am ill."

Me: "Oh I thought your stomach pain is gone, or else you would have mentioned it."

GF: "Yeah so I thought, but I went to see the doctor anyway."

Me: "What did the he say?"

GF: "He said I have intestine infection."

Me: "Ohhh so your gut feeling is all messed up now, isn't it?"..

After a moment of silence, she burst out laughing. And said goodnight with a kiss.

I am going to marry this one.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grrrwoofwoof
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
🚨︎ report
How much does it cost a pirate to get their ears pierced?

A buck an ear.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perrin42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
I offered my buddy some laxatives for his intestinal issues last night...

...he took a hard pass.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maace94
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
🚨︎ report
On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week.

Runs until Friday.

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
New weights and measures
  1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds17. 52 cards = 1 decacards18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin22. 10 rations = 1 decoration23.
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you clean the ocean?

You use Tide

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExcelOceans
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Everything’s great in your digestive system

Until it hits your stomach then it all turns to shit

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thechosenone6969
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My doctor is the master of dad jokes

I wasn't feeling well and I suspected some intestinal blockage to be the culprit. Naturally, I made an appointment with my doctor. I'm in the treatment room waiting when he comes in.

Doc: Not feeling well huh? What do you think it is?

Me: I'm not sure but I've had weird bowel movements I think it's blockage

Doc: I don't believe you

Me: wut

Doc: you're lying to me

Me: no seriously doc I'm blocked up here

Doc: I know, you're full of shit

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2016
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.