Enteritis Puns

He replied " I am probably a Type O"

..that I can pull it off.

A man dressed in rubber boots, orange overalls, yellow hard hat with a light on, blacked up face and a canary on his shoulder walks into a pub. The whole pub goes silent and everyone stares at him for a few seconds then carries on what they were doing. It was only a miner distraction.

No pun in ten did

I caught him masticating

Poor guy didn’t come anywhere.

Concatenate

-What did you do?

-I started looking with him, I needed money

and soon discovered he seriously misunderstood the objective.

But no pun in ten did.

and one of the furniture was very nice to me. It turned out to be hospitable.

Pun in, 10 dead.

The judges said my entry was the best of all thyme.

Must be that Ambien music that they play

It’s forbiden

I took gold, silver and bronze.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

It was a Nice try tho.

They get inuit

"I'm over here dad." He replied.

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."

Turns out it was all under CTRL.

You knock on the door

'Who's your whale pal?' the bartender asked. The Old man seemed annoyed and replied, ' I don't know. Maybe Dick'.

The dog came third.

They can never find probable Clause

He has gotten the vaccine and now has santybodies

"Welcome to the towns greatest cheese shop. We have all that you might want. So, what will it be?" asks the clerk.

"Nacho cheese" responds the man

Suddenly angry, the clerk shouts at the man: "Then why the fuck are you here!"

Password must contain a letter: '123456𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒮𝑜𝓃, 𝐼𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒 𝐼'𝓋𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝓁𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒿𝑜𝓎 𝑜𝒻 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝑔𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊. 𝐻𝑜𝓌 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒𝓈, 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝓃𝓃𝑜𝒸𝑒𝓃𝓉! 𝒴𝑒𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 𝓌𝑒 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎 𝑒𝒶𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝓈 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝓅𝒶𝓃𝓎, 𝒶 𝒸𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝒷𝓇𝑒𝓌 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝒶𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓋𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒹𝒶, 𝑜𝓇 𝓈𝒾𝓂𝓅𝓁𝓎 𝑒𝓃𝒿𝑜𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓆𝓊𝒾𝑒𝓉 𝓅𝑒𝒶𝒸𝑒𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓃𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝒶 𝒻𝒾𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝓅. 𝒫𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑒 𝓋𝒾𝓈𝒾𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈𝑔𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔, 𝒾𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒. 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝒟𝒶𝒹'

He was absolutely delighted.

I'm hoping to win, by Hook or by Crook.

And call it "Nothing else Mattress"

Because there's always one Mordor.

I told him ok, I’d get him an X and a Y... my 12 year old cracked up, the 8 year old was confused. I still look at it as a win.

Even their cakes are in tiers.

When he’s finished, the barkeep asks if he wants another. The horse replies, “I don’t think I do...” and vanished from existence.

To get the joke, you need to know Rene Descartes’ theory “I think, therefore I am.” But if I explained that before the joke, I would be putting Descartes before de horse.

<Staring into the crowd like Fozzie Bear>

... I’ll show myself out.

Pew-pew-pew

The nurse asked the rabbit: "What's your blood type?"

"I'm probably a Type O", said the rabbit.

...and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Because its forbidden

I got turd place

The headline?

PUN IN: TEN DIED

..hope I pull it off.

No pun in ten did.