Rectum Puns

Bobby: "Rectum? It dang near killed him!"

Doctors describe his condition as(s) stable.

It was a poo or die situation.

The doctors are now reporting his condition as "stable".

The doctor told his worried family "he's doing fine and he's in stable condition"

"Wrecked him?" Johnnie said. "Damn near killed him!"

they said I have a great sense of tumour

Rectum.

but I rectum.

He was left with only a semicolon.

The flavor.

I hardly know her!

He got the colon removed

It totally Rectum

He rectum

But I rectum.

yesterday, he gave me the finger

Rectum.

Everyone rectum

Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.

but she rectum.

Does it mean you rectum?

On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what it’s doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny can’t believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says “You’re not going to believe what I just saw”

“What happened Johnny” says his mom

“This car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woods”

The mom then says “now little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully let’s not use those words. Let’s say rectum instead”

Johnny then replies

“Wrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!”

Because he always rectum.

"We Rectum!"

                                                            -Crab

So I was talking to my Dad about his work (Law Enforcement) and the transporting of criminals and how the searches work and how people could say things like "We found a pair of scissors in his rectum" to which my dad says "Rectum? They could have killed him."

When she told him she had to turn him to wash him, he said, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

G-grandpa M-Me
M- complains about homework
G- You know, sometimes I have a bad attitude as well. Have I ever told you about my Rectum Oculus?
M- ????
G- I have a nerve in my rectum that connects to my eyeball.
M- What?
G- Sometimes, I have a shitty outlook on life.

Whenever someone asks my dad's opinion he always tries to sneak in "I rectum sore" instead of "I reckon so" to see if anyone notices.

And she was saying that a lot of medical experts don't recommend digital vagina exams anymore. So I asked if they're saying the same thing with prostate exams too. When she said "no," I responded with "So they're still rectum-ending it?"

Me- "Found the latus rectum" Dad- "Rectum? Damn near killed him"