A man was admitted to hospital today with 10 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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Did you hear about the priest who was admitted into the hospital with over two dozen little plastic horses lodged in his rectum.

Doctors say he is in stable condition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgsalinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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What do you call a Navy Seal with a prolapsed rectum?

bad ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannypWooley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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An accident at the local miniature horse factory caused a tiny horse to get stuck on a worker's rectum.

Doctors describe his condition as(s) stable.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Teacher: "Bobby, please use the word rectum in a sentence."

Bobby: "Rectum? It dang near killed him!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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I had to get those bags of heroin out of my rectum, or they would surely burst.

It was a poo or die situation.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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A man was rushed to the emergency room after several small plastic model horses were inserted in his rectum.

The doctors are now reporting his condition as "stable".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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A man was admitted to the ER with 6 plastic horses in his rectum

The doctor told his worried family "he's doing fine and he's in stable condition"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hercules300AAC
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2018
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Little Johnnie's teacher asked him how his weekend was. "Horribly, a car hit my dog in the ass," he said. She said, "Rectum."

"Wrecked him?" Johnnie said. "Damn near killed him!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
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A proctologist hurt his eardrums at a rock concert

In fact, he nearly rectum

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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I’m thinking about becoming a proctologist who offers advice regarding people’s butts.

Anything I can rectum mend?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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When the doctors told me I have cancer I laughed my ass off

they said I have a great sense of tumour

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amru_263
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Did you hear about the proctologist who had a car accident?

Rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rjm1775
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal one?

The flavor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnjm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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I was trying to tell some ass jokes...

but I rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vidarino
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Why did the author suffer writers block after rectal surgery?

He was left with only a semicolon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ph00p
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Sphincter?

I hardly know her!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chupacabralove
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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TIL that Mr. T used to be called Mr. Colton before the surgery.

He got the colon removed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Did you hear about the guy that fell out of the tree and on to the bike with no seat?

It totally Rectum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryputski
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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How did antman defeat thanos?

He rectum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulaser
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
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They found tumors in my colon.

But I rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My proctologist is so rude

yesterday, he gave me the finger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mabelm13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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It’s a bit disappointing that the Ant Man defeating Thanos theory won’t happen. After all, I’m sure the strategy would have...

Rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emeraldzoroark
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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Diapers

Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjayt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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My anus had two cars,

but she rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atom644
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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When you beat a team of assholes...

Does it mean you rectum?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuzzYetDeadly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2017
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Johnny gets off the bus on the way home from school

On his walk home he sees a dog in he middle of the road. He wonders what it’s doing laying there when all of a sudden a car comes by and hits the dog. It flies through the air and after a minute, gets up and runs into the woods. Johnny can’t believe what he just saw and rushes home to tell his mom. He goes inside breathing hard form running and says β€œYou’re not going to believe what I just saw”

β€œWhat happened Johnny” says his mom

β€œThis car just hit this dog right in the ass and it flew through the air. He barely got up and limped into the woods”

The mom then says β€œnow little Johnny cmon lets be a little more respectfully let’s not use those words. Let’s say rectum instead”

Johnny then replies

β€œWrecked him!? That car damn near killed him!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LockinKey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What did one butt say to the other butt when they won the game?

"We Rectum!"

                                                            -Crab
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrabOfTheSea
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
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Why didn’t the proctologist’s wife like him buying sports cars?

Because he always rectum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelersfan999
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad said this one today.

So I was talking to my Dad about his work (Law Enforcement) and the transporting of criminals and how the searches work and how people could say things like "We found a pair of scissors in his rectum" to which my dad says "Rectum? They could have killed him."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEndingDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My grandfather dadjoked his hospice nurse.

When she told him she had to turn him to wash him, he said, "Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prolly27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
🚨︎ report
My Grandpa had to listen to me whine about my homework

G-grandpa M-Me
M- complains about homework
G- You know, sometimes I have a bad attitude as well. Have I ever told you about my Rectum Oculus?
M- ????
G- I have a nerve in my rectum that connects to my eyeball.
M- What?
G- Sometimes, I have a shitty outlook on life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phalanx1313
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2013
🚨︎ report
You reckon so, Dad?

Whenever someone asks my dad's opinion he always tries to sneak in "I rectum sore" instead of "I reckon so" to see if anyone notices.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrMasterBlaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2013
🚨︎ report
So I was talking with the wife about gynecological exams

And she was saying that a lot of medical experts don't recommend digital vagina exams anymore. So I asked if they're saying the same thing with prostate exams too. When she said "no," I responded with "So they're still rectum-ending it?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Doing Pre-Calculus Homework

Me- "Found the latus rectum" Dad- "Rectum? Damn near killed him"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Capitiano
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report

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