What you call a boat in your belly button?

A Naval Ship

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtOfPuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
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I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..

Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanehussain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?

An Audi

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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I learned a lot about belly buttons in college...

I went to the Navel Academy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stone_meister
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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Who was the fattest knight with roundest belly in King Arthur's Round Table?

Sir Cumference

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
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My wife was commenting on one of our cats and its big belly. I said, "I don't get it. She eats protein all day...

...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iresenteverything
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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What did the police officer tell his belly button?

YOU'RE UNDER A VEST!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiverMeeTimberz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You are underAvest!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spacemanwho
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?

The Naval Corps.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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My cat likes to squish his feet on my belly.

Sometimes it's just nice to be kneaded.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gimme_them_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Why did the belly dancer quit her job?

Because she hated waisting time

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ADTO97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small

Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.

P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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What kind of school do belly buttons go to?

Navel academies.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lg_3000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Me to my daughter in regards to the gyms closing: "Guess I won't be flattening this curve." (As I pat my belly)

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Batchet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Beer Bellies for sale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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If my car had a belly button

do you think it would have an innie or an Audi?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/measurebeyondwit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.

Ab originals.

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...

That's the paunch-line.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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My pork belly on the stove caught on fire and my wife put it out.

She really saved my bacon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burninator1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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I think this year, I’m going to give my belly button up for lint.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yags2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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A man goes to the doctor and says: β€œDoctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?”

The doctor asks: β€œWhen did you swallow it?”

β€œAbout 3 years ago.”

β€œReally? Why are you coming this late?!”

β€œWell… I lost my spare key.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C0untdown
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What’s it called when a red belly bird goes to a cemetery?

Grave robin

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mscoobs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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What do you call a bunch of ships made of belly button lint? [x-post /r/jokes]

A naval naval fleet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteCows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. β€œQuit hurting your mother.” I said β€œ You’re grounded!”

β€œGo to your womb!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thor_loop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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What do you call a fight where you're only allowed to belly bump?

A naval battle

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
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What would you call a race of seafaring belly buttons

A naval fleet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrTryhardington
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
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I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think I’m starting to get a pot-belly.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basketofgravy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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What do you call belly buttons fighting each other?

Navel Warfare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MichaelScott315
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2017
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Today, I saw a young lady with a huge beer belly. It was so unusual I had to point it out to my wife. The young lady caught me making a joke...

She gave me a mean look and said β€œI’M PREGNANT!”

And I said β€œShame on you! You shouldn’t drink so much, you’ll hurt the baby!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarsonFoles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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Confucius say, "Man with large beer belly

have perpetual hangover."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dunn_with_this
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
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Family discussion about belly buttons.

Sitting around the dinner table the other night...

Little Sister: Belly buttons are weird.

Me: At least you and I have innies, Middle Sister has an outie, gross.

Little Sister: No, she has an innie too!

Little Sister: Dad, does Middle Sister have an innie or an outie?

Dad: ... I thought she had a Mazda...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/athennna
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Confused Mom and a belly laugh from Dad

We were eating dinner. Mom was complaining about her Wendy's broccoli & cheese baked potato. She quietly said "gee whiz...", so I give it a second and respond "no. CHEESE whiz."

After a few more seconds my mom mutters "whaaat?" while my Dad's face is contracting.

Unreasonably high levels of pride followed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r3ynoldswrap
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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How did Geppetto escape the whale's belly?

He ran around until he was pooped.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billdanbury
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2015
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Sent a picture of my enormous pregnant belly to my friend.

Her comment:

"Looks like Baby is running out of womb."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/college_prof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2015
🚨︎ report
What kind of belly button does a car have?

an Audi

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UhHowAboutN0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police man say to this belly button?

"You're under a vest!"

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NedDeadStark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cop say to his belly?

You're under a vest

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the police officer say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBaczuk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What'd the cop say to his belly button?

You're under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisIsAron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You’re under a vest!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Where do belly buttons go to college

Naval Academy

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report

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