What you call a boat in your belly button?
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︎ Apr 27 2021
I went in to get a checkup for severe pain near my belly and the doctor said "You have acute appendicitis". And I said..
Thanks, but I was looking for a treatment, not a compliment.
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︎ Apr 22 2021
What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have?
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I learned a lot about belly buttons in college...
I went to the Navel Academy
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︎ Apr 11 2021
Who was the fattest knight with roundest belly in King Arthur's Round Table?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
My wife was commenting on one of our cats and its big belly. I said, "I don't get it. She eats protein all day...
...she's on Catkins."
(one of these days my wife's eyes are gonna get stuck in the eye-rolling position)
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︎ Jan 28 2021
What did the police officer tell his belly button?
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︎ Oct 15 2020
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
What military branch is an expert on belly buttons?
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︎ Oct 23 2020
My cat likes to squish his feet on my belly.
Sometimes it's just nice to be kneaded.
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?
Because she hated waisting time
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︎ Apr 23 2020
My wife: for 7 months pregnant my belly looks small
Me, an intellectual: Yeah! Not as apparent.
P.S. Happened for real. She laughed and playfully hit me for pulling such a sneaky on her.
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︎ May 26 2020
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?
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︎ Oct 11 2019
Me to my daughter in regards to the gyms closing: "Guess I won't be flattening this curve." (As I pat my belly)
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
Beer Bellies for sale
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︎ Jan 10 2020
If my car had a belly button
do you think it would have an innie or an Audi?
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︎ Mar 11 2020
Native Australians were the first to develop the six pack muscle in their belly.
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︎ Dec 30 2018
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
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︎ Oct 24 2019
My pork belly on the stove caught on fire and my wife put it out.
She really saved my bacon.
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︎ Sep 05 2019
I think this year, Iβm going to give my belly button up for lint.
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︎ Mar 06 2019
A man goes to the doctor and says: βDoctor I swallowed a key. Can you please get it out of my belly?β
The doctor asks: βWhen did you swallow it?β
βAbout 3 years ago.β
βReally? Why are you coming this late?!β
βWellβ¦ I lost my spare key.β
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︎ Jun 24 2019
Whatβs it called when a red belly bird goes to a cemetery?
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︎ Aug 05 2019
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.
I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.
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︎ Jun 21 2018
What do you call a bunch of ships made of belly button lint? [x-post /r/jokes]
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︎ Nov 17 2017
My wife is weeks pregnant. Lately the position of the baby has been hurting her tail bone. I had my face down by the belly, and my wife told me to talk to it. βQuit hurting your mother.β I said β Youβre grounded!β
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︎ Dec 15 2018
What do you call a fight where you're only allowed to belly bump?
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︎ Nov 08 2017
What would you call a race of seafaring belly buttons
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︎ Jul 14 2018
I need to quit smoking weed. I keep getting the munchies. I think Iβm starting to get a pot-belly.
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︎ Dec 02 2018
What do you call belly buttons fighting each other?
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︎ Aug 08 2017
Today, I saw a young lady with a huge beer belly. It was so unusual I had to point it out to my wife. The young lady caught me making a joke...
She gave me a mean look and said βIβM PREGNANT!β
And I said βShame on you! You shouldnβt drink so much, youβll hurt the baby!β
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︎ Dec 13 2017
Confucius say, "Man with large beer belly
have perpetual hangover."
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︎ Jan 28 2018
Family discussion about belly buttons.
Sitting around the dinner table the other night...
Little Sister: Belly buttons are weird.
Me: At least you and I have innies, Middle Sister has an outie, gross.
Little Sister: No, she has an innie too!
Little Sister: Dad, does Middle Sister have an innie or an outie?
Dad: ... I thought she had a Mazda...
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︎ Dec 22 2015
Confused Mom and a belly laugh from Dad
We were eating dinner. Mom was complaining about her Wendy's broccoli & cheese baked potato. She quietly said "gee whiz...", so I give it a second and respond "no. CHEESE whiz."
After a few more seconds my mom mutters "whaaat?" while my Dad's face is contracting.
Unreasonably high levels of pride followed.
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︎ Aug 10 2014
How did Geppetto escape the whale's belly?
He ran around until he was pooped.
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︎ Aug 24 2015
Sent a picture of my enormous pregnant belly to my friend.
Her comment:
"Looks like Baby is running out of womb."
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︎ Jan 06 2015
What kind of belly button does a car have?
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︎ Oct 02 2020
What did the officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Jan 12 2020
What did the police man say to this belly button?
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︎ Mar 18 2020
What did the cop say to his belly?
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︎ Apr 18 2020
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Apr 28 2020
What did the police officer say to his belly button?
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︎ Feb 09 2020
What'd the cop say to his belly button?
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︎ Nov 20 2019
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
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︎ May 08 2019
Where do belly buttons go to college
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︎ Jul 05 2017
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