My pregnant wife just asked me if I think her tummy is going to get bigger for the next time she gets pregnant.

Me: "Of course it will get bigger"

Her: "Oh, why do you think that?"

Me: "Because, your body will upgrade from a queen size womb to a king size womb"

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
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What do I do when my tummy is empty?

Eye Fillet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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4yo son: Dad, My tummy is full. I have no more space, to eat anything, left.

Me: Okay. Just eat everything that is right.

Wife: sighs and rolls eyes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasherjim
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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What do you call a Cuban dictator with a tummy bug?

Fidel Gastro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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What did the policeman say to his tummy?

You're​ under a vest!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superluminary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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My wife asked me, "How do I tell a good friend she's fat? " I said, "Does she have a boobiedo?" She replies, "What's a boobiedo?"

"It's when your tummy sticks out farther than you boobie do."

We're not allowed over there any more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TechJay81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
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I got my fiance tonight

Her: I have an upset tummy

Me: How'd you tick him off?

Groans and an evil glare were all I got out of her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSugarHype_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2015
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Just got dad-joked by my Cub Scout.

I'm a bit under the weather today, with, um... 'tummy troubles'. When I got my son to his Cub Scout meeting today, I had to urgently use the restroom.

It's a thin door, and right during the part of the Scout Oath where they declare: "I will do my duty...", it happened. Very, very loudly.

They all stopped mid-sentence, and I heard my son yell: "My dad just did his doody!" To the 9-year-old mind, there's nothing better than bathroom humor. Would have been nice if the other parents weren't laughing, too, when I exited...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gatorflier
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
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