Why does the Pope keep a roll of Mentos in the torso of his robes?

Because those are his vest mints.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I happily hummed as I attached the final arm to my dead girlfriends torso...

I made Mary!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.

To be honest, I just winged it.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to sculpt a human out of clay. I got the lower body and torso but ran out at the shoulders.

I didn't plan ahead

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/coluber_kid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dorsal torso say to the ventral torso?

I’ll be back!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/randomrhetoric
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Hair on my torso makes me uncomfortable. My wife says I’m overreacting, but...

I just want to get it off my chest

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman gave birth to a head: no arms, no legs, no torso. They named it "Rary" as this was so rare. Rary was not happy and constantly swore. Having enough, the family goes to the Grand Canyon and toss Rary in. As they look over the edge, the mother comments:

It's a Long, Long Way to Tipperary

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Mannequin torso escapes from North Dakota mall.

Authorities warn that it may be armed and dangerous.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghosttwo
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
🚨︎ report
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ‘€︎ u/zipflop
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting β€œDrink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again β€œDrink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said β€œHe should have quit while he was a head”

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ‘€︎ u/DEMSH00T3R
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report

Dad: you should bring two pairs of pants with you when you golfing tomorrow

Me: why?

Dad: in case you get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Xenon_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
🚨︎ report
So a guy has a head for a son.

The man has a head for a son (Don't ask why) and the father is sad that his son can't do anything with him. He feels down and decides on his 21st birthday to take him to a bar.

He gets his son a drink and his son grow a torso, "Holy shit!" the father couldn't believe it.

He gives him more and more shots until he has a full body, The father than makes a toast for the occasion and they both take another drink, but the son disappears after drinking it.

The father looks to the bartender and asks "What happened to my son!"

The Bartender says "I don't know, but you should have stopped when he was a head."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerLP
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If I could be half the man my father is...

I would be a pair of legs.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/scamperly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Got a chuckle out of my exhausted girlfriend.

So our new born had us up all night. While he was sleeping we laid him on the bed between us, while we were talking I put my hand over his entire torso and said. "Boy is he a handful" she's laughed and told me to shut up.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/StinkiyPetey5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
🚨︎ report
One of my dad's favorites...

Well, I'm so glad it turns out there is a subreddit to put all of my dad's corny jokes... I have one of my pop's favorites for ya today, anyway here it goes:

A man is waiting for his wife to have a baby (you can tell this is an old joke) and since this is his first child he is extremely nervous. After some time a doctor comes out of this wife's room and says "Mr. So and So, there's been a complication... your baby boy has no arms." The man is shocked, and after a bit of a fit says "It's okay, it's okay I'll still love him like a normal boy."

After another hours wait the doctor comes back to the man saying "Mr. So and so... there's been another complication... your baby has no legs." Again, the man is shocked, but he says "It's okay, it's okay I'll still love him like any other normal boy!"

After a two hours wait the doctor again comes to the man and says "Sir, another complication... your child has no torso..." The man throws another fit, but eventually says "It's okay, I'll still love him no matter what!"

Finally, at the end of the day the doctor comes back to the man and says "Mr. So and So, your child has no body at all... in fact your child is just a giant eyeball..." The man flips out and screams "Could it get any worse!?"

"He's blind."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChexWarrior
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.