If a doctor fixes you up with duct tape…

He'll have turned you from being black and blue into being Red Green.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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Duct tape is like the Force.

It has a dark side and a light side, and it holds the universe together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BethJ2018
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Using exactly 12" of duct tape to fix a leaking pipe is a Stop-Gap Measure

Duct tape used for everything, including puns

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirGreybush
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Duct tape isn't ever used for its intended purpose...

But it DOES seal quacks in ducks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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They're lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i've

Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josefransisco
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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I got my girlfriend duct tape and packing tape

I've heard mixtapes are romantic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/excalibron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Duct tape is useful for almost everthing, if only it worked for emotions

Tear-Duct Tape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxtheloco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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Do you know what duct tape is good for?

Fixing quacks in your ducks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lepew13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Give me your best duck puns

I live for them, they quack me up. Give me what y'all got >:)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HartzelloS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross. β€œSomething for this I have.” Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, they find that some creature has chewed a hole in the fence around Yoda’s garden.

β€œSomething I have for this.” Yoda says again. Once again, he takes a bunch of forks out of his bag and, using duct tape, tapes them in to patch the hole.

Yoda and Luke return to Yoda’s home, where Yoda looks through his bag. He’s used all his forks but one, he discovers.

β€œThat’s ok Master." Luke says, wanting to be helpful. β€œI’ll write us a note reminding us to buy more.”

So he writes the note and uses the very last fork to pin it to the bulletin board.

He looks down at Yoda expecting pride, but instead finds a look of horror.

β€œMaster Yoda!” he asks. β€œWhat did I do wrong?”

Yoda replies sagely, β€œA Jedi uses the forks for no ledge and the fence. Never for a tack!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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What did the man put in his eye to stop tears coming out?

Duct tape

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sNatchyy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
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Silence is golden!

Duct tape is silver... silver can be made into gold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Getting cold this time of year

With winter pretty much here my little garage ship has been getting pretty cold. I have poor circulation so my fingers become icicles and I drop tools, which can be very dangerous. So I duct taped some gloves to some German electric power tools. This way I keep my fingers warm while still retaining my Fein motor control.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beowolf241
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2016
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What is the temperature inside of a tauntaun?

Lukewarm

Dad never fails to tell this joke whenever we watch Star Wars. Along with the duct tape/force joke. (It has a light side, a dark side, and holds the universe together)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2013
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Gas station clerk got me today...

Me: Can I put 10 bucks on 2. Clerk: Stapler or Duct tape Me:huh? Clerk: I personally think the stapler helps keep the bills on the machine better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsmit84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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give a helping hand

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollarRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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