Adhesive Puns

I just can’t put it down!

From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.

But now he’s glue tin free.

I just cant put it down

Unfortunately, it didn't stick around.

It was good to strengthen our bond.

Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape

Must be the glue that keeps them sticking around

It's pretty tacky!

I got some Band-"eh"ds.

But I couldn't think of a tacky punchline.

Glue, ten free.

Having the floor refinished at work they found asbestos in the adhesive. After workers came out 3 times to remove it all we were still complaining about some being left behind.

I look to my boss and say, "Well, I guess they got it asbestos they could!"

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

• Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
• It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
• What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
• Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
• Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
• Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
• If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
• Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
• Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
• American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
• The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
• Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
• Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
• Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
• Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
• Rittal me this, Batman!
• Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
• Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
• If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
• When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
• You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
• Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
• Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
• Don't think Seton is

"Is that an abandoned adhesive factory?"

"Looks like they didn't stick around long!"

Unlike most of my jokes, she laughed pretty hard and I was more than a little proud of myself.

My brother is not the most handy person so my dad told him to apply the adhesive putty to the concrete, an easy task.

Dad: You're doing a great job with that. Me: Woah. Calm down with the praise. You don't want him to get caulky.