What’s big and grey and doesn’t matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/0_IceCold_0
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
What's yellow, grey and very dangerous?

A shark in a bowl of custard.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabz09
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
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What’s Grey and not very heavy?

Light grey.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarelessBeginning
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
β€œMr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Do you want to colour your hair?”

Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
What's Grey And Comes In Pints?

An Elephant

;)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HYGOZE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?

Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.

πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
50 shades of grey
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDoge64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Christian Grey’s favorite subreddit?

r/SubsIFellFor

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t Karl Marx like Earl Grey?

Because all proper tea is theft.

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueshran
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Grey/gray has two spellings to tech us that things aren't just black and white.

Even the spelling is a graey area...

*Removed from showerthoughts for being too much of a dad joke, so here we are.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/selmorefl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
For the longest time I thought priest's collars were grey

I guess I'm just collar blind.

Thanks Michael Scott.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/space_bartender
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend asked if i had seen her grey cardigan...

I told her i don't remember seeing her grey card the first time.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qbande
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What is big, grey and not very important? .

An irrelephant

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Aging is hard. When I saw my first grey hairs...

I felt like dying.

πŸ‘︎ 374
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I am pretty good at making an Earl Grey.

It's my special tea.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ollierwoodman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2016
🚨︎ report
50 Shades of Grey
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/baudia
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/journeyman369
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you know grey hairs are hereditary?

You get it from your kids.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieMolester
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report
(X post) I made Earl Grey perfectly today.

Right on the T as they say.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I have this recurring dream that E.T. tackles me, puts grey tape on my belly, and runs away.

I keep getting ab-duct-taped by aliens.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I was drinking a cup of Earl Grey Tea when I spilled it on my shirt.

It was a real tragi-tea!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Paul McCartney has decided to admit he's getting older and stop colouring his hair and has been spotted with his new grey mop top

Before he got dye with a little help from his friends

Now it can't dye me love

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I spy with my little eye, something grey...

Apparently my son is the ultimate dad joker, as his instant reply was my hair. Much to the amusement of his mother and brother. For me the game was over and done with... πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b8410
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
What is grey, has a tail and a large trunk?

A mouse going on a holiday.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
🚨︎ report
What is grey, has 4 legs and a trunk?

A mouse on holiday

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear? One attendee dumped a pot of Earl Grey over another attendee's head at the apiarists' convention.

Truly, brewed tea was in the eye of the bee-holder.

πŸ‘︎ 348
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamoose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
🚨︎ report
50 Shades of Grey

#4e5054, #272727, #282828, #292929, #2b2b2b, #2c2c2c, #2e2e2e, #313131, #323232, #343434, #353535, #373737, #393939, #3a3a3a, #3c3c3c, #3f3f3f, #404040, #424242, #444444, #454545, #474747, #484848, #4a4a4a, #4b4b4b, #4d4d4d, #4e4e4e, #505050, #515151, #535353, #565656, #575757, #585858, #595959, #5b5b5b, #5c5c5c, #5e5e5e, #616161, #626262, #646464, #656565, #676767, #6a6a6a, #6b6b6b, #6c6c6c, #6d6d6d, #6f6f6f, #727272, #737373, #757575, #767676, #777777, #7b7b7b, #7c7c7c, #7d7d7d, #7e7e7e, #808080, #818181, #838383, #868686, #878787, #888888, #898989, #8b8b8b, #8c8c8c, #8e8e8e, #919191, #929292, #949494, #959595, #979797, #9a9a9a, #9b9b9b, #9c9c9c, #9d9d9d, #9f9f9f, #a0a0a0, #a2a2a2, #a5a5a5, #a6a6a6, #a8a8a8, #a9a9a9, #ababab, #aeaeae, #afafaf, #b0b0b0

πŸ‘︎ 450
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ColonialDagger
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2016
🚨︎ report
A man asked a barista the price (in dollars) of a cup of a cup of earl grey and the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

"For tea, two" the barista responded.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xechwill
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My favorite college teacher, Professor Grey, had the most unforgettable final exams.

It was the Grey Test of all time.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I picked out a color of grey paint the other day, I guess the salesman didn't like it.

He just said "Oh, the hue manatee."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juggilinjnuggala
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Should I go see Fifty Shades of Grey in a regular theater? Or...

... should I pay a little extra and see it in clIMAX?

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patriotminerva
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My Mum was asked how the 50 Shades of Grey movie was...

Dad cuts in and replies "she hasn't had a chance to go yet, she's been tied up".

πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhonage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Most older Englishmen prefer Earl Grey.

But most younger Star Wars fans prefer Girl Rey.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I was going to drink my friend's earl grey...

But I didn't really want to. It's not my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/appa-ate-momo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What's big, grey and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rtaylor65
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
roses are grey

roses are grey

violets are grey

everything is grey.

i'm a dog.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I used to go over to my grandmother's house in the middle of the night and drink earl grey with her. It was our ritual. I called this evening out of habit, forgetting she had passed away, and her ghost answered.

I guess you could call it a boo-tea call.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NWmba
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm getting some strands of grey hair, but I don't know if I should dye it yet.

It's a grey area

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
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Dad says his grey hair is hereditary..

Because he got it from his kids!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keenan316
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Why does Carl Marx not like Earl Grey?

because all proper-tea is theft.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpledesperado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Wife told me to wear a bluish-grey shirt..

Wife: wear the blue-grey hylete instead.

Me: but I like the brown one so I'm gonna wear that. See abigail (our daughter) is wearing pink and white, you're wearing purple and grey and I'm wearing brown.

Me: This way people know I'm the shit in this family!

Wife then proceeded to rolls eyes while I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbunaiXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
🚨︎ report
I saw a striking grey whale while at sea in early summer...

... and I thought, "maybe she's born with it, or maybe it's May baleen."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Misogynist-ist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Grey Poupon Ad (x-post from /r/videos) bleacheatingfreaks.com/po…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lagniappegirl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Fifty Shades of Grey... β€’ /r/funny reddit.com/r/funny/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reeegen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Don't put the Lady Grey tea next to the Earl Grey tea..

Or else you will get baby Grey tea.

An awful one from my dad

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carotti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
🚨︎ report
I dadjoked my GF at 50 Shades of Grey.

We were both in a giddy mood because of how bad the movie was. It was more comical than anything else. This was the highlight of the night.

Christian Grey: "What are you doing for breakfast tomorrow." I lean over and whisper to my gf: "Eating breakfast" smh!

Hated the movie, but felt super proud of myself!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahiya1991
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My first dad joke! Earl Grey tea

If you mix Earl Grey tea and Lady Grey tea do you get hermaphroditea?

As a new father I knew it was just a matter of time until it started happening to me.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusty1919
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My 17yr old wanted some cream cheese. Asked if she wanted the 50 Shades of Grey kind...

You know...Whipped

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoweredByADD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Why is there grey poop on the mustard?

Why is there grey poop on the mustard? Because they got it from Dijon!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j0em4n
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2014
🚨︎ report
What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patrick_L58
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?

James Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?

James Bond: No thank you. Dye another day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What's large, grey, and doesn't matter?

An irrelephant 🐘

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T3chJ3n
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Aging is hard. When I saw my first grey hairs...

I felt like dying.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
🚨︎ report

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