Egg: If you take me seriously, you'll leave my shell intact and not remove my whites. Me: *Breaks Egg and removes whites*

Egg: Am I a yolk to you?

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goddred
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
(White)Bored at work
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olive-bernie
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Contrary to common belief, racism is not a black and white issue
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/97AByss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
How does Vanna White take her constipation medicine?

Via bowel.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MBTHVSK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Why did the white supremacist not mind going blind?

Because he was used to nazi-ing.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AntsyPants20
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
What do you call a white crow?

A caw-casian.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArcadeKingpin
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
What’s angry, calm and white?

My bi-polar bear.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What is black and white, black and white. Black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leveonthis
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
If you dunk a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
As an amateur stargazer, my favourite type has to be the white dwarf.

Peter Dinklage is my all time number 1.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
The colours red, white and blue are the colours of freedom.

Until they are flashing behind you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter if you're black, white, old, young, tall, short or even if you're from another country. It's what's INSIDE that counts!

I love you refrigerator!

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about egg whites?

Never mind, you wouldn't get the yolk.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kgold0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
A white-tail keeps showing up at our house doing tricks, trying to impress us to get food...

It's endeering.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Me and my big hard white cock.
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Withane82
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
The girl at chipotle asked if I like white or brown rice

I told her that she’s rice-ist

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoeJascoe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
What happened when the Frenchman used a white pencil?

He drew a blanc

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
The first time Prince Charles went white water rafting, he threw up on himself when the river grew turbulent...

It was a roil-mess.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
I'm on a plane and the lunch choices are: white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I'm seated in the last row.

I'm hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a white bear that has crippling depression, is sexually confused and can't pick a hemisphere?

A Bipolar Bi-Polar Bi Polar Bear

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErinMcCloud
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I stopped by the deli to have my typical ham on white or wheat but they were out of both!

My plan for lunch went a-rye.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Totally white.
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Account_Priv
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I wonder how much White-Out...

They use at the Department of Corrections?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
If Walter White were a good person...

the TV series would be called Baking Bread.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/celsotavora
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Put some white gold in my nose tonight

Two ply charmin for my nose bleed. Never felt richer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BobboLJ386
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl having one black and one white boob?

Divertity

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectOlio
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
What goes black white black white black white black white black white thump???

A nun falling down the stairs.

What's black and white and laughs???

The nun that pushed her.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Was Jack Black? Was Barry white? Was George Strait? Was Marvin Gay?

Sure makes Stevie Wonder.

πŸ‘︎ 878
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My son only ate the white rice and ignored the meatball and yellow lentils

I think he's ricist

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falgony
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend hates brown rice and only eats white rice.

I’m dating a ricist.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/in2diep
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
The only reason I am voting for Elizabeth Warren is that she will bring stability to the White House. She will never be impeached.

She comes with a warranty.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29
🚨︎ report
What does a white man say when he gets more land?

Ah, the plot thickens

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Germanboi99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
The only two white actors in the Black Panther movie...

...are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They’re the Tolkien white guys.

*Sent to my by a co-worker

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hensfan85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
If Walter White was born on Christmas, where would he be born?

Methlehem.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plantman11
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a big white furry monster with a six-pack?

The abdominal snowman.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can erase things on a white board? Its pretty remarkable
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mi_sh_aaaa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the team of white guys that tried to compete in an all vietnamese soccer league?

They didnt Nguyen a single game

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01
🚨︎ report
Italian white bread is Santa's favorite because

As the song goes, "Ciabatta watch out, Ciabatta not cry, Ciabatta not pout......"

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DadJoker1988
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a group of confused black and white bears?

Pandamonium

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FeedbackUSA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...

I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
What do call a white millennial

Milli Vanilli

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/veknilero
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a vegan White Russian?

A Soyviet!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krogala415
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know a white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If crows make black babies & doves make white babies, what makes no babies?

...Swallows

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youngtrafford87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my mom what she would think if a white dude was rockin dreads and she went β€œthat’s dreadful.” we laughed for a good minute.
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eleanorw123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What goes black white, black white, back white? A penguin rolling down a hill. What goes black white, haha, black white, haha?

The penguin that pushed him.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseDonkey0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s white, light and sugary and swings through trees? ...

...a meringue-utan

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?

A Molar Bear

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
White men cant jump but they can....
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Supermr2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and eats like a horse?

A zebra.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StokyoDrift
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...

Well, not neciCelery.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor, and he said I was overweight. I'm not allowed to wear white T-shirts any more.

He told me I have to dye it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creative_im_not
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
If Game of Thrones was written by M. Night Shyamalan, what would he have called the White Walkers?

Icy Dead People

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fluxitup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What's black and white and read all over?

The newspaper.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What's red, white and black?

A dead zebra

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Who else eats bread with the white and green spots?

Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crixzly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Who would win between a totally white Dalmatian and a Tiger?

Well, certainly not the Tiger, because the Dalmatian wouldn't be spotted.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a black and white striped brassiere?

A zebra

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
this dude at my school had two separate hit lists. we all knew who was on the white one, but the blacklist? no clue.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erdankely
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What goes black white black white black white black white?

A zebra crossing a zebra crossing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/louisdq17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking

You just go with the flow.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TurboAxolotl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It is white and on the fence

Paint

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drgonnofski
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Jokes about white sugar are rare, but jokes about brown sugar.

Demarara

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fishyladd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
No yolk, I can make the best egg white omelette.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheineken
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Nobody wants to listen to White Snake with me.

So here I go again on my own.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crispy_critter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Grey/gray has two spellings to tech us that things aren't just black and white.

Even the spelling is a graey area...

*Removed from showerthoughts for being too much of a dad joke, so here we are.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/selmorefl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s black and white on the inside, but red all over.

A inside-out zebra!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scratchull
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
If we discovered life on Mars and their skin would happen to be white with black spots we should call them Dalmartians
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GismoWasTaken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Massive great white shark 'stalks' kids playing in sea just feet from shore mirror.co.uk/news/world-n…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoreaNSFW
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call white t-shirts that are too small?

Tighty white-tees

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DankBoi-69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frantic_chair
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I find white boards interesting

They're quite remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Av8r96
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s black and white and red all over?

A penguin in a blender.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RICK-THE-STICk3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
The Tolkien white guys...
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phenry08
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes

Because they weren't able to tell if the traffic light was green or red

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dtobin95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a scared white sauce?

afraido :)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepunnman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A penguin, rolling down a hill

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/expressionless420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the fireman wear red, white, and blue suspenders?

To hold his pants up.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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