When I was a kid it was free to use the air hose at the gas station. Now it’s $1

That’s inflation for ya

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.

I mist it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What did my hose say when I got bar mitzvahed?

Nozzle Tav

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7000milestogo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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Bent hoses turn me on...

I'm just kinky like that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G0LD1L0CKS
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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What's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?

There's a vas deferens.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarthbane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I get aroused by wrapping myself in an old, mangled garden hose

It's pretty kinky

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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I wonder who took a picture of that hose on the phone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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My wife bought me a new hose holder for my birthday...

That was reel nice of her!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I forgot all about the balloon I attached to the water hose outside!

Edit: oh wow, this blew up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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What's the difference between a hose and a house?

No u.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabetheHyena
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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What do you call a Mexican hose?

JosΓ©

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alope142
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Mad hose
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Was so hekkin offended my bro in law put hose before bros 😑🀬
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mapherton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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A firefighter had two sons he named one of them Jose and the other Hose B
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goblin-with-a-GUN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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My son tried to spray me with the hose

But he mist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeamXII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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I've got hose...
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manvsinternetz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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Kinky Hose
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanjifu
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.

I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheapojoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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Captain Kirk finally came up with a name for his invention: a cross between a hose nozzle, a spoon, and a fork.

He called it Mister Spork.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Dirty Hose
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LA_Grip
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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I saw a video of two guys robbing a liquor store using panty hose for disguise.

So they had to walk really close together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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What did the hose say to the people who were angry about it being kinked?

"Don't kinkshame me."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peptobeesmol
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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A fireman was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon, with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle...

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.

"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.

"Thanks!" the girl replied.

The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
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One of the hoses was imported from Mexico!

I grow bonsai trees. Somewhere between 50-70 of them. My Dad was visiting the garden and asked how I watered them. I said I used two hoses, but one of them was Spanish. He asked "How can you tell?" I replied, "Well, there's Hose B and Hose A."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroJoke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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I needed a hose.

I went to the hardware store and told the attendant that I needed a hose. He asked, "How long?" I said, "At least until the end of August."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoCoFoCo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2016
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I had to straighten my hose out yesterday.

It was getting a little too kinky.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdodson77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
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"i tried replacing the hose, thinking that was the problem, but it didnt work"

"well, did you replace the bros first? You know what they say: bros before hose"

My boyfriend proceeded to laugh to himself for several minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unaspirateur
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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My wife was turning on the garden hose for the season...

So I yell "God Bless You Mrs. Hosewater!"

She's not much of a Vonnegut fan but I was pretty proud of myself :)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twerq
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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