Horse Puns

...yay or neigh?

Funniest horse puns and jokes

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”

A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”

Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours

A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”

Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!

A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.

“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..

A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”

Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.

What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”

Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.

Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!

What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!

What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo

So, I'm a Spanish professor, and I gave a final exam this morning. One of the last parts was that students had to write a paragraph using reflexive verbs in which they describe their daily routine. Since the class only had nine students in it, I told them that if they wanted to wait, I would grade their exams for them and tell them their class grade.

It was an open-book final exam (11 pages long), so I was in my office, and a graduating senior finished first and gave me her exam. When I got to her paragraph, I saw that she had written in Spanish that every day she woke up, got up, took a shower, got dressed, brushed her teeth, ate breakfast, and then she and her friend Emmy went horseback riding. Now, I knew that she didn't go horseback riding, ever, but that it was vocabulary from the previous chapter. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Horseback riding? Really?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every day?
Her: Yep!
Me: Every single day?
Her: Sí, Señor.
Me: I guess you could call it a stable routine then.

Our senior quotes are paragraphs this year, and I want to make a paragraph about my horseback riding that's full of horse puns. Can anyone help me out?

It's my friend's birthday, I'm trying to think of a clever horse pun to send her for her birthday because she really likes horses. I suck at this, and am a bit dis-trot. Plz help I will love you forever.

His condition has been described as stable.

And Mayo neighs

It’s what keeps me stable

"No Thanks!!" I said. "I've only got a small garden."

Sir Longbottom of Yorkshire, England has 20 horses in his stable. 9 are males and 11 are females. Why are them 11 females scary?

Neighbors

Hoof Hearted

Look it up. I can’t post the link but you’ll love it

A Zebra.

A see horse

From my dad tonight

A chi-horse

source: my 9 year old sister, after she found a video about psychic powers and stuff like that

I kept them in the unstable

The other replies ‘mooo’

The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.

all throughout the night, Mayo neighs :(

Doctor said I was ‘stable’

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

A horse-pital

And not a neigh-bourhood?

A tik tok tic tac clip clop.

Doctors have described his condition as stable.

Trots-ky

A nightmare.

-courtesy of my kindergartner

He was a stable genius.

Because it has 2 horse power

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

Sure, the horse is bigger, but the cow looks BEEFY

He’s listed in serious but stable condition.

They were so much faster than me.

Because they lack toes.

What a night mare.

Horse code

Setting up to be a real race to the finish but I think Grandpa is winning this one.

All people ever talked about was getting a stable job...

Mayo neighs

...and sometimes Mayo Neighs

Sometimes mayo neighs.

And sometimes, Mayo neighs

A Zebra

And sometimes Mayo Neighs