A list of puns related to "Garden Hose"
There's a vas deferens.
It's pretty kinky
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and cat.
"That sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman said with admiration.
"Thanks!" the girl replied.
The fireman looked a little closer and noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
The fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
So I yell "God Bless You Mrs. Hosewater!"
She's not much of a Vonnegut fan but I was pretty proud of myself :)
I guess she isnβt into the kinky stuff.
Well, Garden hose, of course!
They are used to garden hose
I put him out with the garden hose
There was a race between a cabbage, a garden hose, and a tomato. It was close at the end the cabbage was ahead, the garden hose was running, and the tomato was trying to catch up.
(This is a true story.)
Usually this is my Dad. My Mom will be opening presents all day, and Dad is done after he unwraps his three gifts.
We really give him a hard time and he loves it. He's a champ.
Well one year, we're opening gifts, and my brother's got almost nothing in his little pile. He had recently bought a house and his main gift was a garden hose.
This is exciting because we're gonna just tear into him. He is a good sport and he is ready to bask in the glory of his Christmas failure.
We finish the unwrapping and my Dad looks over to him and says "Well son, you really got hosed this year".
P.S. I am x-posting my own comment from an AskReddit thread at someone's suggestion, and definitely NOT in a shameless quest for karma.
I grow bonsai trees. Somewhere between 50-70 of them. My Dad was visiting the garden and asked how I watered them. I said I used two hoses, but one of them was Spanish. He asked "How can you tell?" I replied, "Well, there's Hose B and Hose A."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
My dad is a all around generally funny guy but for me one of the funniest things he said to me was once while he was cleaning a bunch of fish he had caught. I was watching with wonderment how quickly he was going through the catfish he had caught that day. He was very seriously removing the head and skining them and gutting the fish. He had one particular fish's head on the cutting board seperated from the body and he had the completely gutted body of the fish in one hand and the garden hose in the other. He was running water on the inside cavity of the fish and the tail was twitching back and forth, he noticed my amusement at this and said to me with a sly grin,"they don't like that cold water on their belly." This may be one of those you had to be there moments but I thought it was hilarious at the time.
I was out mowing the lawn the other day and I was getting close to running over a garden hose in the lawn. My sister came out, stopped me and said "watch out for the hose". To which I replied "Ya they'll take your money".
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