My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, β€œDad get out of the way!”

I said, β€œYou’re the ones blocking!”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Colbosky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a roof joke?

It’s on the house

πŸ‘︎ 228
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jtfiction
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the kindergarten where the roof collapsed?

Thankfully, it only caused minor injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrelse
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...

He directed me to the affordable section

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kTim314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, β€œhuh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.

I was just expecting a shingle pallet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
I was gonna tell you a joke about the roof

But it's way over my head

Credits to a tram dude in silver dollar city

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/matt12992
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
What should you say if a tornado blows off 25% of your roof?

Oof

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simwalkedaway
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
Two antennas on a roof fell in love and got married. The wedding wasn't much..

But the reception was incredible!

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevin_kevinson1
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I'd tell you a joke about a roof...

But it would be over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/funkhammer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
My neighbor shingled my roof for free

He said it was on the house

πŸ‘︎ 510
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

oof

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My roofer surprised me and replaced my roof for free.

He said it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
What's that thing on the roof? Just a cupola windows.
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaboogami
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
My gas bill is through the roof this month!

I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveM06
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
I got the roof tiles for free...

They’re on the house

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
The builder called me yesterday asking when I will pay for the new roof he put up.

I said, β€œI thought it was on the house.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
I called five different businesses to fix the leak in my roof - none did.

But Seal Team Six got the job done!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
I just made a deal with a roof building firm

Hopefully it doesn’t fall through

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I don’t know why, but there’s just something about a duck sitting on the roof of a house that makes me mad and makes me laugh, too

This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cgvt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I would tell you a joke about a roof

But it will go over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meatbag_289
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
🚨︎ report
"He's the most foul mouthed person to ever live!" screamed the scientist who cloned himself and later tried to throw the clone off the roof.

He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
A man fell off his roof while on acid

He had a bad trip

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FourthSalty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
You know, if you have seen one collection of retail outlets under one roof, you have seen a mall.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/heavyduty1930
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
The roof is not my child

But I will raise it.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Three cats are on a roof. Which one slides off first?

The one with the smallest mu.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/caraknowsbest
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My boss asked me if I wanted to take the trash out or fix the roof

So I took the ladder

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
two antennas met on a roof, feel in love and got married.

the wedding wasn't much to speak of, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mailfromphoenix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The roof is not my son,

But I will raise it

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shigeokagepotpie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey dad, did you hear about the new roof game?

I haven’t played it yet, but the reviews are up there.

*Courtesy of my 9 year old. He’s going to make a great dad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mcox1124
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Why should you never BBQ on your roof?

The steaks are too high. ^I'll ^see ^myself ^out

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you want to hear a roof joke?

Nevermind, it will go over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PraBatCatMan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the free roof?

It’s on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Roof
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustLuis27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Two entenas fell in love on a roof and got married.

The ceremony wasn't that great, but the reception was amazing!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pizza break the roof of the hipsters mouth.

Hit bit into it before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrikeyKillz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A father and his son are on a roof, the father falls off but the kid stays on, why?

He was a little moron

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butcher106
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The roof is not my son

But I will raise it nevertheless.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kerzid
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
How many PokΓ©mon does it take to tile a roof?

Depends how thinly you slice them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
If you ever have the urge to pee on a church roof

Urine spire-d

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boxymcboxbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
We had a murder on the roof.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maroonedpariah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It was really windy last night. A quarter of my roof came off in the wind...

oof.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haltergego
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nearby roof that's been in the sun all day?

Hot shingles in your area.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodredrogue
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A storm just came through and blew 25% of our roof off last night

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DownloadToaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the roof so lonely?

It's always shingle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mastrwill
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I tend not to like orange cars with flags on the roof.

General Lee speaking.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SysAdamin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the roofer shingle his friends roof for free?

It was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SimonJPig11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s a Roof-Ster
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLittleShibe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Hope this joke's upvotes go Through the roof.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_Killer183
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
🚨︎ report
The top fell off the peak of my roof

It was the finial straw

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
When given the choice between two ways to get to the roof, I always choose the ladder.
πŸ‘︎ 381
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ande4100
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I got a bar installed into my roof

Just so whenever I have guests I can say β€œdrinks are on the house.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drew1351
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
He nearly fell off the roof laughing so much.

Father working on the roof. Wind blows the ladder over.

Him - Well It3mUs3r, I guess this means I'm counting on you now!

Me - Don't worry Dad: I won't let you down!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/It3mUs3r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
theres 2 ways to get onto the roof of your house a rope or a structure of steep steps.

i think the easier one is the ladder of the 2

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicgamer927
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mermaid on your roof

Ariel... (Aerial)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darthbob75
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Just found out we have a super leaky roof

I just hope it doesnt make the property go into liquidation

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WowCreativeName
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
After the husband refused to stretch his tender loins, his wife started placing his favorite dinner on the roof for him...

But the steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxymoronix
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard the one about when the burglar snuck on the roof?

Me neither, he snuck very quietly

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do with a leaky roof and glue?

You start ceiling it.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasqoon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the joke about the cat on the roof?

Never mind, it's over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshcrates
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A couple was having an argument about leaving some roof trusses exposed when they remodeled their house.

They had some real truss issues.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UsernameExMachina
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw a huge party and accidentally set the roof on fire.

So I hid in the basement and waited until the cops and firefighters came and told them that we had a blast.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to your dad who is on the roof when the ladder falls?

"don't worry dad! I wont let you down! "

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1SirJohnSmith1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand how people build roofs

It’s all over my head

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bboosic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the one about the roof?

Nvm, it's over your head.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sugaree_Mcgee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Two antennas fall in love and get married on a roof

The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was amazing

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turtlegamer22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I just put a new roof on my house...

It's not my favorite, but it's up there.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronDriftmiser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
🚨︎ report
2 Antennas meet on a roof and fall in love and get married

While the ceremony wasn't that great, the reception was excellent

πŸ‘︎ 89
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Elroe
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A new roof is always the cheapest home home repair.

It's on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkphibre
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
The roof ledge of the library is missing.

That building has knowledge!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dubante_Viro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I just fell through the roof of a French bakery.

I’m in a world of pain.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Time to fix the roof again.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hidude398
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the roof say to the other roof?

Are you shingle?

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrIca
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Did most roofs have chickenpox as children?

Because now they have shingles.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeanHinkle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
The lights on my roof damaged Santa's sleigh last night. I was really worried he'd demand I pay for the damages.

But I don't owe anything; it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
My house has a roof

It's understandable.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fun1k
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Two woman are sitting on a roof because their town is being flooded

The second woman looks to the first woman and asks what they should do?

"God will save us" she says.

The two women sit there for a while and watch the water continue to rise. Eventually a rescue team in a rubber dinghy turn up.

"Jump on" says the rescuer. The second woman quickly jumps into the dinghy. The first woman looks annoyed and states bluntly that "God will save me". The rescuer shakes his head and drives off.

A few hours go by and the rain begins falling harder and harder. The entire house aside from the roof is submerged.

She hears the sound of a helicopter before she sees it. The helicopter hovers above and throws down a rope ladder.

"Climb up!" Shouts the rescuer.

The woman shakes her head refusing to move "No, god will save me".

The rescuer shakes his head and the helicopter flies off.

Time passes by and the water is now up to the top of the roof. She hears an aeroplane swoop in low overhead, dropping life jackets along the street for anyone left behind.

"No"

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naiphe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I found a man living in the edge of my roof, and I didn't kick him out

I let him do as he soffit

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CCplusplus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Help. My wife is livid because I got drunk and took a shit on the roof

How can I wipe the slate clean??

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tempsilon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

Oof

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/XxDaringDxX
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony was simple, but the reception was excellent!

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Perigeesus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

oof

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/herrmoleman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khanglikestowin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
my neighbor shingled my roof for free

he said it was on the house

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormtrooper-85
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on the roof...

They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DANG3R_1204
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married...

The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanioEire
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married.

The wedding wasn't much. But the reception was incredible!

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/captainhawx23
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report

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