My Dad works in the ceiling fan industry
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 12 2020
I was just looking at my ceiling
Not sure if itβs the best ceiling in the world, but itβs definitely up there.
π︎ 43
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︎ Nov 21 2020
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!
He just stands there applauding and saying βOoh, I love how smooth it isβ
π︎ 469
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︎ Sep 03 2020
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
Guy:"Whats this about?"
Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?
Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 13 2020
I bought a ceiling fan the other day...
All he does is stand clapping at the roof
π︎ 16
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︎ Nov 07 2020
You know, I was looking at our ceiling the other day. Itβs not the best...
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
I've just had a mirror fixed to my bedroom ceiling...
....so I can see my wife having a headache.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 11 2020
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 19 2020
I'm not sure if my ceiling is the best i've ever had
but it's certainly up there.
π︎ 394
π
︎ Jun 05 2020
Painting my ceiling isn't exactly #1 on my priority list.
π︎ 20
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︎ Sep 30 2020
What kind of nut is attached to the ceiling?
A Wall-nut.
From my 8 year old son tonight. I am so proud.
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 02 2020
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
π︎ 158
π
︎ Jul 17 2020
You know you're an adult when you look at the ceiling after hearing a dad joke
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Found out Iβm allergic to ceiling mounted dart boards...
They always make me throw up
π︎ 116
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
We moved to a second floor apartment with ceiling fans.
I can now say I have fans in high places.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
My local pub has put a dartboard on the ceiling
Makes me want to throw up!
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 18 2020
I found mushrooms growing from the bathroom ceiling in my NYC apartment (typical) and called my dad to see what I should do about it.
He immediately said, βWell, I wouldnβt eat them.β
π︎ 7
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︎ May 29 2020
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shoutedβ¦
π︎ 16
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︎ May 11 2020
There are 4 lizards chilling in the ceiling, one of them did a back flip. How many are left in the ceiling?
None, as the rest clapped and cheered.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
You know, my ceiling is pretty good
Itβs not the best, but it is up there
π︎ 50
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Had to replace all the bulbs in the side table lamps. Then I had to replace the ones in my ceiling fan.
That was the highlight of my day.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, βthis one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.β
I said, βthat would be off the chain.β
π︎ 4
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︎ May 23 2020
If I started a band called βCeilingβ...
Would that make the people who enjoy my music βCeiling Fansβ?
π︎ 118
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
The ceiling is one of my favourites.
Itβs not the best, but itβs up there.
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 18 2020
A man walks into a bar and sees a steak hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?
The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"
The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 29 2018
An homage to a one-time teen star suspended from the Muppet*Vision ceiling, Disney World
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 15 2020
I was trying to change a lightbulb in the ceiling fan
My wife saw me struggling to reach it since it was pretty high up.
She said, "Let me get something for you to stand on. Do you prefer the ladder or the step stool?"
I said, "I'll take the latter."
So she brought me the step stool, just like I asked.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
I love my local team so much I hang from the ceiling and spin around.
π︎ 66
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
An old man lay dying under the ceiling fan which had the bearing of a military helicopter airily surveying the aftermath of a natural disaster.
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 02 2018
Anyone can dance on the ceiling...
If they just stick to it.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 02 2020
I once knew a guy whose entire career was based around rating the best ceilings for different houses. Ever day he researched the available options and what was best and worst about them.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 26 2019
Man walks into a butcher store and sees a side of beef strapped to the ceiling. As he approaches the counter he asked asks βHey, whatβs with the beef?β
Butcher tells him if he can jump up and touch it, he gets half off his purchase. If not, he pays double. The man looks up at the beef and says,
βNah. The steaks are too high.β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 01 2019
Ceilings arenβt my favorite part of a house,
But theyβre definitely up there.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Aug 28 2019
Iβm exhausted! When I get home from work Iβm just gonna lie down and stare at the ceiling.
This eveningβs definitely looking up
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 06 2019
Why are people always avoiding the fan facing the ceiling?
Because they're afraid of it blowing up.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 22 2019
Iβve been looking at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and although Iβm not sure whether itβs the best in the world...
...Itβs definitely up there.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 20 2019
What did the ceiling fan say?
WOOHOO! YEAH NO. 1! GO CEILING!
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 16 2017
The walls might not have eyes but the ceiling has two!
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 18 2019
βHey you see that ceiling, itβs not the best ceiling iβve ever seen but
π︎ 245
π
︎ Oct 06 2018
To the people who put dartboards on the ceiling
You make me want to throw up
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
I was just looking at my ceiling...
Not sure if itβs the best ceiling in the world, but itβs definitely up there.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
I walked into a bank, pointed a long, thin piece of wood at the ceiling and shoutedβ¦
π︎ 348
π
︎ Dec 27 2019
I don't have the best ceiling in the world
π︎ 100
π
︎ Jan 05 2020
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"
The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"
The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Sep 15 2018
What sound do ceiling fans make?
CEILING! CEILING! CEILING! CEILING!
π︎ 72
π
︎ Nov 12 2019
I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling.
But it's definitely up there.
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jun 14 2018
I bought a ceiling fan the other day
Complete waist of money. He just kept saying βI love how smooth it isβ
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 07 2020
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if itβs the best ceiling in the world,
but itβs definitely up there.
π︎ 130
π
︎ May 31 2019
Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling...
...but it's definitely up there.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 25 2016
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