Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
I accidentally smashed a window recently.

It was a pane to replace.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
I wonder how Bill Gates gets Windows. Does he get it free? Or does Microsoft Bill Gates?
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/00Turag
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...

I said it has its ups and downs.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglarinn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...

That was a royal pane in the ass.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
A pet store in New Mexico has seabirds in the window for sale; I bought the one on the right, but...

...I knew I shoulda taken that left tern at Albuquerque!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FunMathematician1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
What did the glass say to the window?

"I'm in pane."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazy_al01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
I once saw an Egyptian pharaoh honk his horn and put his bum cheeks up to the window of his vehicle.

It was a toot and car moon.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
Since it started raining my wife just stares sadly through the stupid window …

If it gets any worse, I guess I’ll have to let her in.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, β€œhuh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.

I was just expecting a shingle pallet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The1hangingchad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
I was looking thru my window and I saw a running nun

She must be a Roaming Catholic

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hiiamwalter69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
Why did the window inspector quit his job?

He felt too much pane.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pengwin34
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Why did the man refuse to jump out the window?

He didn't want to go through any pane.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pengwin34
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
We should call Ctrl + Shift + Escape shortcut on windows the "Karen shortcut"

Cause it lets you speak to Task Manager

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socra16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied

β€œIt’s easy peasy lemon squeegee”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the news anchor get his windows tinted?

To prevent others from Seein’ In.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noreason13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...

" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....

Enrique Doubleglazius.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
In the future it will be possible to incubate humans in artificial uteri. If you want yours in the one by the window, it will be more expensive.

After all, it always costs more for a womb with a view.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17
🚨︎ report
I once heard a joke about a window.

It was paneful!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Bird flew into the window today. No fowl play suspected as of now.
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnarkiestofSharks
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
What do you do when a windows breaks?

You open up an apple.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hivehivebuzzbuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I started a company making airplane windows out of raw sand

Investors couldn't see the business taking off

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatCookieDerp
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of quitting my job installing windows.

It's a real pane.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
My neighbor denies throwing a cinder block through my front window,

But I have concrete evidence.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tim696969
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
What's an angry window made of?

Tempered glass

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
When the snow came, all my little brother did was look through the window

If it got any worse, I would have had to let him in

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
β€ͺI can’t go out to buy drapes for my windows...‬

β€ͺThese are uncurtain times‬

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
What's that thing on the roof? Just a cupola windows.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaboogami
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Why did dad get angry when the window was broken?

Because it was a pane to replace.

πŸ‘︎ 266
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dyspaereunia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...

Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Costoffreedom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Walked by a house with a broken window and a sign in the window saying "don't rock the boat".

Looks like somebody rocked your house

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squeablies1
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Grandma's been staring through the window ever since it started to snow.

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/galiyaan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
The true support that Windows needed...
πŸ‘︎ 187
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deb_Eternity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't Windows Active Directory Servers ever get along?

Because they were born with Trust Issues..

(facepalm)

I know.. I know.. IT Nerd DadJoke...

I'll see my way out and go back into the server room where I belong..

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bad11ama
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
I tried to steal a window but the guilt was overwhelming.

I could not take the pane.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...

I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthC-137
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
Girlfriend told me to play with boomerangs, i told her to throw that idea out of the window

oh shit it's coming back

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
I looked outside my bedroom window and wondered why it was so dark outside

and then it dawned on me

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burning_Toast998
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
What do you call a window you can’t see through?

Windows.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaweeweeBoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Windows at it again.
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/denis331
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
🚨︎ report
Dad fell through a shop window.

Now he's in pane.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
If Apple made a car what would be missing? Windows
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonBlazer27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can't turn that down.”

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CulturedGrass
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
It was getting really hot in the journey, so I opened the window to let some air in.

I closed the window after a minute, and everyone disappeared from inside the space shuttle!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pakistani_pizza
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of buying protective coverings for all my windows

I shutter to think of the cost

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I finally got work installing wooden window blinds...

I SHUTTER when I think where I’d be without this job.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Why should you never work for a window manufacturing company?

The job is a pane in the glass

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/therealdarkwizard
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
I met a window sill for a drink yesterday.

What a ledge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/insideout97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
What do you call a snake that cleans windows?

A vindow viper

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joeysaurrr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked the bank teller why the guy sitting at the next window was wearing a mask & a cowboy outfit?

She said he was the lone arranger.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
So i've been dating this window recently...

And I love his honesty!He's really transparent.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KaRamo989
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I put pasteboard over my neighbor's windows.

He said he wanted to get a paper view tonight... hope that helps!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
I saw my cat looking through my neighbors window

I think he might be a purrrrvert

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/devin23b
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain". His wife asked "how do you know?"

"Because rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TripHasard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My neighbors keep putting food in their window...

I always thought it was weird. It started normal, apples, bananas, but then they started putting other things like pizzas and cakes there. I thought they were crazy, but it seemed no one else did.

But today, they put almonds in the window.

Now everyone can see their nuts.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
My frosted glass windows smashed this afternoon

It's unclear what happened

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/endangeredpenguin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
🚨︎ report
Why did the foetus have a Velux window fitted?

They wanted a womb with a view!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
I used to install windows.

It was a real pane.

(Credit to my partner Michael for all of my r/dadjokes entries).

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crescuesanimals
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
Window Shopping
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...

She shudders to think...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Why is life terrible for a window?

Existence is pane.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysPlaySupport
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I once farted in an Apple Store. They kicked me out because they didin't have Windows
πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikklovesreddit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the window washer with arthritis say to the broken window?

I feel your pane.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I keep walking into windows

It's such a pane.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YA_801
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
If you throw somebody out of window when he is sleeping, he technically...

Falls asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/troporos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?

It looks like rain, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Mac now supports Windows
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoodleSlayer008
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I took all my daughter’s dolls and lined them up by the window facing our grill

I was just preparing a Barbie Queue

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DownloadToaster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My pet viper swallowed a sheet of window glass causing the snake severe physical discomfort.

It was a real pane in the asp.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Windows made from apple juice
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Looked out my school bus window to be greeted with this
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eclecticjam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the window say to the door?

I adoor your posture.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/awsomergamer82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Windows are terrible liars

You can see right through them.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughing_Mask
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I built a screen porch and it was much easier since I didn’t install windows.

It was paneless.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did she throw the butter out of the window?

Because she wanted to see a butterfly.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amithothunk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A glazier dropped his window and said.

That's a pane.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joey_the_Duck
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a medium contact a dead window washer?

With a squeegee board

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jbholt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard that windows are starting to lose their eyesight.

They’re going blind.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerPineapple2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at a sΓ©ance the other night, and we kept having our window cleaner's name and number come through.

As it turns out we'd been using a squeegee board.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/daveorruk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the window always screaming

He was in pane

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squishy-sock07
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided not to buy a baguette after seeing a pathetic mock up of it in the bakery window.

It was a terrible roll model.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rc538
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a window see when it looks in the mirror?

Pane

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Radicall1128
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Mac now supports windows
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ihabmirdasmalan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
You should see his windows
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flobberknock
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
You know that part in Toy Story where Woody pushes Buzz out the window?

You can say he was a buzz kill.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Babyblu4321
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Windows vs Linux
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harishan64
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sitting at a stoplight when a gorgeous woman pulled up next to me and rolled down her window. I rolled my window down and smiled at her. She looked at me and said,

β€œWhat? Did you fart too?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I met the guy who invented window sills...

What a ledge!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What happened when a man hit a window?

He was in pane

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I sat on a window.

It was a pane in the glass.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheChronologer1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window, β€œTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

β€œI can’t turn that down”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad in a shop window "television for sale 1$, volume stuck on max." I thought

I can't turn that down.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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