Windows not Mac
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGenryusai
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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What do you call 2 guys tied up and stuck in a window?

Kurt and Rod

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenthegreen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Was driving by the prison the other night when I saw a midget climbing down from a window.

I said to myself, that’s a little condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awag80
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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"I argue with windows a lot"

They don't admit you window

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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Help! Accidentally uninstalled Windows!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grantthejester
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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A viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out his window one day

"Its going to rain soon" he said to his wife. "How could you possibly know that?" She asked. He simply replied, "Because Rudolph The Red knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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A Russian named Rudolph looked out of his window one day and told his wife not to go out without an umbrella. His wife asked ”What makes you say that”?

He replied ”Rudolph the red knows rain dear”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Now that I’m officially a dad I have my first good joke. Me and my wife are driving down the road and a bug splats the window.

I turn to her and say β€œI bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”

Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnpowers99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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When the local carpenter was asked what it was like when he fell through a window?

He said,” All I felt was pane.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mydogisadoglol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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Someone threw a piece of a brick through my window last night

The police aren’t helping because there isn’t enough concrete evidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who was stealing people's window panes?

Apparently it was panes taking work.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smakattak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Windows
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Atg2411
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Mac now supports Windows
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherjon05
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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When French people make bread, they throw the dough at the window to see if it's ready to bake

I guess that's why they call it window pain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumbwaeguk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Climbing through my window on the first floor was easy. But if it was the second floor,

That'd be a different story all together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro_Lancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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A man is impaled on a shard of broken window

β€œI can’t imagine the pane you must be going through”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aceto1469
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What did the Apple OS say to the Windows OS when it wanted to merge?

"Sorry, not PC enough."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LadenStarfish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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A man came in my tech repair shop complaining his nail had damaged his windows laptop and was concerned it wouldn't work anymore

I told him not to worry- he's only scratched the surface

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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A viking by the name of Rudolph the Red was sitting in his home, when he looked out the window.

He told his wife that it was going to rain soon. His wife, never hearing her husband predict the weather before asks, "How Rudolph, how do you know its going to rain soon?"

"Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pidgeon-eater-69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Why did the window inspector quit his job?

He felt too much pane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pengwin34
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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I was going to cover the windows of our new house with curtains, but my wife came in and tossed vertical blinds at me...

Dunno why the she had to throw shade on my pursuit...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Just happened: my contractor broke a window during our nearly complete renovation

He turned to me and said it's no problem. At this stage it's just a pane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I threw some pills and accidentally broke one of my windows.

I didn’t realize they were pane killers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Just came home to find all my doors and windows open, everything's gone!

Who would do that to another person's Advent Calendar?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flabbergash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"

I thought, "I can't turn that down".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said

β€œIt looks like it’s going to rain” his wife said how do you know?

He replied β€œRudolph the Red knows rain, dear....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pasd84
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Why are all the windows screaming?

Because they are in panes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/some_lerker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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The new Windows update deleted Microsoft Edge

We could say it's a cutting edge techology.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3sxNatuu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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What happened to the men who smashed all the windows in their office building..

They're now facing a glass action lawsuit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AEvans1888
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I was thrown through a window today.

It was paneful.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TD_KingJason
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?

He wanted to see a butter-fly!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Why is there no Windows 9?

Cause 7 8 9

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Autistic_Lurker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, Β£2.50."

I thought β€œWhy would anyone pay to see that?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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A donkey just smashed through my window!

What a pane in the ass!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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My bedroom now has a stained glass window....

A pigeon just flew right into it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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The other day I asked my Dad why he took up window cleaning as a profession

He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My window cleaner was banging on my window shouting and swearing!

I thought to myself: He’s lost his rag.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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My wife got mad at me when I opened the window and yelled "Nice rack!"....

... But that buck must have been a 6 pointer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ampersand12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...

I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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One night I got pulled over. The cop walked up to my window and said β€œdo you have a police record, sir?” I said:

Roxanne...

Edit-spelling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Das_Kommandant
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I was in my flat & this tall lady walked past my window.

I knew she was tall....as I live on the 2nd floor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Do you know why I like windows?

You can always see right through them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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I was walking past a shop, and there was a classic bomb in the window Beside it was a sign that read "$1, irreplaceable fuse"

I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Secretseacrits549
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I accidentally smashed a window recently.

It was a pane to replace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlessedBigIron
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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My buddy once asked me what it's like to work as a high rise window washer...

I said it has its ups and downs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglarinn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I thought I saw a German sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird.

I think I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snipesma
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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What do window wear to protect themselves from viruses

A wind-shield

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingfire4545
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I wonder how Bill Gates gets Windows. Does he get it free? Or does Microsoft Bill Gates?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00Turag
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...

...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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