The other day I asked my Dad why he took up window cleaning as a profession

He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why do I hate cleaning windows?

It’s too much of a pane!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/luujs
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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(Girlfriend talking about spring cleaning) Does your window even have screens?

Yeah, I have like three tabs open.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/FarmerGreen13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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I was cleaning my houses storm windows last weekend

Me to my dad: "I like cleaning glass. It ends up satisfyingly clean when your done"

my dad: "It's always nice to have clear objectives"

When I asked if he folded the possible reference to objective lenses into the joke on purpose, he just winked.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/uesarnem
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied

β€œIt’s easy peasy lemon squeegee”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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What do you call a snake that cleans windows?

A vindow viper

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joeysaurrr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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What Do Acoholics Use To Clean Their Windows?


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πŸ‘€︎ u/VulshokBersrker
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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My mom always said a clean window is better than a dirty one


πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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My dad when we were talking about recent crime in the United States...

Dad: Hey did you hear a bout what happened in Texas the other day?

Me: No, what happened?

Dad: Well there was these kids standing on an overpass of the highway, and they were dangling a noose over the edge trying to distract drivers. After a while the noose gets lower and lower and ends up catching a guys hand hanging out of the window, and ripped it clean off.

Me: Holy Shit no way that happened?!

Dad: Yup! And guess what they charged the kid with?

Me: I have no idea.

Dad: Armed Robbery....

πŸ‘︎ 230
πŸ‘€︎ u/laxerado1313
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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The window cleaner at work got me...

I was at work yesterday and there was a man cleaning the windows. He commented that all the customers had disappeared so I told him that it would be busy again in about an hour. He looks at me and says 'I guess this is my window of opportunity then' and winks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flisis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!

What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!

Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.

What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!

Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.

How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.

What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!

What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.

A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What animals are on legal documents? Seals!

Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!

Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.

Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!

How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!

Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

Dockyard: A physician’s garden.

What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!

The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.

β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”

I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!

When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).

Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.

Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.

An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks β€œmay I join you?”

Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a hardware problem.

I named my hard drive β€œdat ass” so once a month my computer asks if I want to β€˜back dat ass up’.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

I changed my password to β€œincorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say β€œYour password is incorrect”.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.

I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn’t have internet.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Road trip

While driving the car, dad complained that his glasses were dirty. Mom did her best, but she had a heck of a time cleaning them, and it took almost 15 minutes before they were presentable. When she finally handed them back to my thoroughly amused dad, he put them on, blinked, lifted his finger to the front window and said, "Hey, look, a road."

I am still ashamed I laughed at that.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaneCraft
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2014
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Dad joked by a stranger today.

I wash windows for a summer job when i am home from college.

Today I was washing a window to a nail salon when an older gentleman was walking past, and he hit me with a zinger.

"How's the window washing business going?"

<without waiting for a response> "You must be cleaning up!" He then walked away chuckling to himself.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/joebags15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2014
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You wouldn't believe what I saw on my way home from work last night.

Okay so I get off at 4:00 and I didn't waste any time leaving the office. Shut down my computer, grabbed my keys, and I was on the road by 4:05. It had been a pretty crazy day and I was ready to get home.

As I'm driving home I notice I'm running on Empty. I probably could have made it home but I was really craving a Coca Cola so I decide to stop at the nearest gas station.

Anyways I'm filling my tank I see an old lady a few gas pumps away putting gas in her old beat up station wagon but didn't really think anything of it and just continued to enjoy my icey cold Coca Cola.

Next thing I know I see this old lady holding the gas pump nozzle spewing gas everywhere. I guess she had taken the nozzle out of the vehicle w out disengaging the automatic trigger or whatever but it went EVERYWHERE. Her car, her arms, the ground, all over the place and by the time she got that thing to stop spraying there was at least a gallon of gas everywhere.

So I immediately run over to see if she's okay and she smells like straight up gas. I gave her napkins to dry off her hands and to clean what gas was spilled on the car. She said she was okay and thanked me for my help so I leave and head home.

So now I'm a few blocks from home, driving over the last hill right before my next turn and all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, she comes flyin past me in that same old beat up station wagon with, I shit you not, her arm CAUGHT ON FIRE. And as if that's not bad enough there are two cops right behind her in hot pursuit. So while I'm freaking out trying to pull over to the side she zooms past so fast I barely catch a glimpse of her frantically flailing her arm out the window as they all go over the hill.

At that point couldn't believe what I was seeing it was just too crazy. So I quickly get back on the road and make my way over the hill and I spot her. She's pulled over in the emergency lane. I see the same old lady being handcuffed and put in the back of the squad car.

Yeah turns out she was arrested for waiving a fire arm in public.


πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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The moment I realized I was becoming my Dad.

So my girlfriend and I were binge watching Netflix one day, and she always brings a glass of water with her and leaves it in the window sill next to my bed. At this point there were probably like 6-7 cups in the window because I haven't cleaned in a while. Anyways, she asks me "Can you put my bra somewhere? It's driving me crazy". To which I reply, "Sure, I'll just put it here with the rest of your cups". I cried laughing for hours over this, she never even cracked a smile.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
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Trust dad to make light of a disappointing experience at the local mechanic

I was telling my dad about how we just got our car back from being fixed at our local mechanic and had a pretty disappointing experience. I had to call back several times only to find that there would be further delays (5 days total) until the car was repaired and after 'cleaning' the car and they left grease marks everywhere - including all over the windows, on the steering wheel and door handles.

My dad cut in with "at least you could slip through the traffic easily".

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/fairyoathen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
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Dad joked at work

I am a window cleaner and I was cleaning the sliding glass doors at a hospital yesterday. As I'm cleaning this older man is leaving out the doors I'm cleaning and he says "Son, I can see right through your work." He just looks at me and starts laughing and walks out.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2014
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Got my friend at work.

Friend: It's hard to clean windows when you're rushin'.

Me: You're Russian?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/mlslgn
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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Pallet cleanse

Family was having breakfast at Denny's when my dad looks out the window towards a semi truck packed with wood pallets.

Dad: "I wonder if the driver cleaned those before he ate"

Me: "Cleaned what? All those pallets?"

Dad: "Yeah, I heard your supposed to cleanse your pallet before you eat!"

The whole table groaned, he was so proud of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/acrites4947
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2015
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I am ready to be a dad.

My sister and I both have MacBooks. Mine was on the couch and hers was on the coffee table. She decided to clean the coffee table so she moved her MacBook and placed it on top of mine. The golden window of opportunity flew open. "I see you've upgraded to the StackBook?" I laughed very hard and then proceeded to tell all of my friends.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/HamFaceJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
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