A London pun.
I'm on vacation with my girlfriend, and I've been crafting a lot more puns than usual. I wish I'd known about this subreddit sooner because I immediately forget them.
The latest was that we were on the Jubilee line on the London tube, and I asked her what Harry Potter's stop would be.
"Jubilee and Magic."
But I sung it to the tune of "do you believe in magic." She hates me.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
John Maynard Keynes opposed the creation of the London Marathon.
He thought we'd all die in the long run.
I always wondered how Wonder woman travelled from Themyscira to London in 1 day...
I then realized she's an amazon, so she gets next day shipping
Thousands of people are waiting outside of Nadame Tussauds in London
They are waiting to get waxinated...
Edit: misspelled Madame, but can't change the title
Did you hear about the guys who commuted between London and Paris every day?
They ended up with Carpool Chunnel Syndrome.
All London policemen have disappeared!
Investigators are out of Leeds.
It should be illegal for London to go into lockdown over Christmas!
...That's capital punishment!
Is it safe to say the people employed near Big Ben in London are....
....working around the clock?
Two Germans are a bar in London
"Two martinis, please."
"Dry?"
"NEIN, ZWEI!"
Why are policemen in London so tall?
Because they're paid by the Yard!
Dad, are you sure this is the way to London?
Walking through East London, I asked my friend: “Why is there a bull in that charity shop?”
He replied, “That’s an Ox, fam”
What did they call the London clock tower after it started leaning off to the side?
How do shellfish get around London?
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Name 2 crustaceans that are only found in London?
Kings Crustacean and Charing Crustacean
Around the turn of 1900, two Friars move to London to start up a florist shop. Well this didn't sit well with the established florist shop down on the corner.
The other shop owner called his buddy to have someone trash their store. They sent Hugh, big guy like 6'3'' 300pounds. Hugh goes in and busts the store up and scares the Friars off, sending them back to the monastery.
The moral of the story is, Hugh and only Hugh can prevent Florist Friars.
There's a riot about cake toppings in London tomorrow
Police expect hundreds and thousands to show up
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
I know a girl from London named Brittany
I know another girl from New York named Americany
Seen at Museum of Natural History in London
I was reading through London history and thought it was interesting to learn what happened to King Charles the First’s head.
Do you reckon London Wasps have a bee team?
Mac and cheese stall in London with a punny name
Just saw the star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend preform in London for the first and (maybe) only time.
It was a 'once in Bloom moon' experience.
What's the difference between a old London bus terminal and a lobster with 36DD breasts?
Ones a crusty bus station and the others a busty crustacean
You know what New York City said to London when it was his turn?
What if Spiderman was from London instead of NY?
They would have called him Kilometers Morales.
when two german agent walks into the pub in London during WW2
, and one of them said to the waiter:
- Two martini please.
The waiter:
- Dry?
- Nein! Zwei!
What happens if there’s a power outage in London?
London Zoo is beginning it's annual stocktake...
And the pelican keepers warn that they could be facing some enormous bills.
There's a bloke just collapsed on the London Eye.
Paramedics are on the scene and they say he's coming round slowly.
Lord Nelson was about 5ft 6. His statue in London is 18ft 1.
That's Horatio of about 3:1
In which European city was oldest donut discovered: Paris, London, Berlin, Athens or Rome?
It was found in ancient grease.
Wish me luck in the London Marathon today. I managed a respectable, 3 hours, 12 minutes, last year...
This year, I will try to beat that but, I usually get bored and end up turning over to watch something else...
Paul McCartney was disqualified from the London Marathon this weekend
He was banned on the run.
Walking Around the London Marathon Yesterday
My Dad: Wow that's weird
Me: What's that
My Dad: Well there's just a lot of people here advertising for GoDaddy.
Me:.... 😪
Yesterday i carries a house from london to machester
People ask how I did it I said it was only a lighthouse
Why are people in London so bad with math?
Because in school, all their instructors were English teachers.
I have a butcher friend in London
Last week he caught a huge sea creature in the river there and made it into sausage.
It was the beast of Thames.
It was the wurst of Thames.
I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
What’s the biggest crustacean in London?
Apparently someone gets stabbed every 48 seconds in South London.
Every 52 seconds a man in London is stabbed.
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