I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didn’t like my critter sizing.
"Length times width times height. Pi times r-squared times h. Four-thirds times pi times r-cubed."
This really speaks volumes.
A lot of people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
As a short guy, I was completely sure there was nothing to be done about my height. I went to the doctor, turns out I had scoliosis.
How do elves measure their height?
I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...
They said I was too critter-sizing
How does one’s height affect their sleep?
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
Did you know ants which have a little more height, don't have toes?
Because they lack toes in taller ants.
I was thrown out of the local park for arranging the squirrels by height...
Apparently they just can’t take a little critter-sizing!
Rachel McAdams' height is 5'4, which is the average height of an american female.
My roommate Esther and I wanted to get a new rug for our apartment, but we didn't have a tape measure. So we had to use Esther's height to guess the approximate dimensions we wanted. We bought a rug one Esther wide by two Esthers long. You could say we...
Why does every pothead want to be 5'8" in height?
Then they literally 4'20"
What's the height of stupidity?
2 bald men fighting over a comb
There is a mysterious body of water where every wave is the same height, only one type of fish is ever caught there, and the tides come in and out at the same time every day.
It’s called the Redundant-Sea.
"Stop making fun of my height."
I'm sorry. I didn't know you had such a short temper.
Patient goes to the doctor to talk about his crippling fear of heights.
Doctor: looking over the patients information Looks like you've gone from 5'10 to 5-
Patient: Starts screaming
My narcissistic friend met a girl his height who also thinks only of herself...
They're on the same "I" level!
Even though he had an extreme fear of heights, why did the butcher resolve to climb all the way up the ladder?
The steaks were too high.
When making a talking point, always multiply length by width by height...
Afraid of heights
Plumbers are afraid of heights because they fear plunging to their death.
Daughter:I have a fear of heights....
Son: I suffer from a fear of clowns
Mother: My fear is of dying
Dad: Italian gangsters-thats Mafia
My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently, as people have been making comments about her height
So when she gets home from work, i’ve got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I’m going to run her a nice hot sink
Why do short people hate jokes about their height ?
Because it just go over their head...
Wanted to measure my height with a tape measure but couldn't do it alone. "Dad, can I borrow you for a minute?"
"Sure, as long as you give me back"
If I owned a roofing company, and interviewed an applicant with a fear of heights.....
......I wouldn't "higher" them......
I'm not afraid of heights
It's the ground I'm suspicious of.
Someone asked me if I knew anything about Sumeria. I said it’s height times width.
My teenage son is very short for his age and is built like a midget, and recently he's been very depressed about his height.
It didn't help matters when I suggested he talk to a therapist about his low elf-esteem.
What do you call a bird that is afraid of heights?
I'm no longer afraid to say what I really think of roller coaster height requirements.
Why are drug addicts afraid of heights?
At the height of my lunacy, I would dig in my lawn like my life depended on it.
What insect becomes more accepting as it gains height?
r/puns can you help me out with one on height?
I'm texting a friend and made a joke about his height which he responded with "that's a low blow". I wanted to make a snappy comeback with something along the lines of "I guess you could say it was a _________" but I'm drawing a blank. Maybe you can help out? :)
I was talking to my dad about my height...
Today I was talking to my dad about my height and he said "Well you do have quite big genes!" and I replied "I have to, otherwise my legs wouldn't fit."
How do pirates measure their height?
Wanted to give a big shout out today to...my legs!! Without you legs, I feel like I'd be at least two feet shorter.
Grandma: He's grown, hasn't he?
Dad (putting hand on top of my head): No, he still reaches to the bottom of my hand.
He's reaching new heights
Me: "I sometimes look up at my school's ceiling and wonder how it gets dirty"
Dad: "I guess it's not their top priority...heh get it? Top!"
My SO's terrified of heights and we were rock climbing...
I told her, "I got you honey, I won't let you down".
My mother defending her height
My mom is not more than 5 foot, so we all tease her about being short. My daughter is now as tall as her, so in church my mom is introducing her granddaughter to some friends and says that she has to wear elevator shoes to stay taller than her. I chime in, "yes, sometimes her elevator doesn't go to the top floor." The couple lost it, my mom was stunned, my daughter laughing her head off.
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didn’t like me critter sizing.
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.
They didn't like me critter sizing.