Your highness

Watching an advertisement for sheets and they were listing sizes.

Fiancee: what's the difference between a queen and full queen?

Me: Dinner

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samoht2113
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/589ca35e1590b
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What insect has high cholesterol

A butterfly

πŸ‘︎ 383
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife’s favorite class in High School was History

I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/o-Dez-o
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Feeling deflated πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/retrohgrade
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
too high
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw an ad that read: β€œTV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”

I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
High but not so high IQ meme
πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AM10_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like

"You're grounded!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpasm
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my girlfriend that I thought she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high.

She seemed surprised.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't know if this was posted here before
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/choclite69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend who's at a high risk for breast cancer had a masectomy recently to prevent it

She said it's a huge weight off her chest

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xeno486
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
The oven temperature was having fun getting high so the cookies decided to join in

They got baked

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eagleboy444
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new high school math competition they're calling "extreme "fractioning"?

It's intenths!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spacegeese
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Flying high πŸ§šβ€β™‚οΈ
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afeer19
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Knight Knight
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shevelled
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.

I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.

πŸ‘︎ 322
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weekend immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 405
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised!!

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
As a huge sports statistics geek, I tend to store all my documents related to high school and collegiate athletes up high.

That way, I can keep a low pro file.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the rhinos testosterone level so high?

He was really horny

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
🚨︎ report
How do fish get high?

Seaweed.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.

It takes them too long to swallow their pride.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
If you're a janitor at a dispensary, that makes you high maintenance
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acrowsmurder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.

I replied back: β€œSure, my door is always open.”

πŸ‘︎ 21k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."

My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."

True story.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiWanKaDaddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Low effort high yield.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
High IQ pun
πŸ‘︎ 548
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NathyDre
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
High Steaks Poker
πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SandbagDarryll
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Python119
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife couldn’t believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.

I love being a sniper.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/badindc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
In coal country there was a highly-regarded regional dish made from the community’s table scraps.

You can’t make it legally anymore though. A judge ruled that all the people supplying food were contributing to the delicacy of a miner.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone expected him to go postal from the way he was raised, on a high fiber diet...

He had a roughage childhood.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy was in a booth giving out free high fives

Another guy comes up to him and asks β€œdo you have any down lows?” The guy said β€œsorry I’m all out, you were too slow”

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Flying high
πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!

πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBDawson01
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...

Turns out I have stereo.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TragedyMaskBand
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldn’t let you participate if you didn’t keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...

I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall!

Terrible king, but made a great ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..

Auntie climb attic.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
you know what drives old people up the wall?

stair lifts

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Emily-Savage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t vampires play poker?

They are afraid of the stakes

πŸ‘︎ 426
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilographix
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
High quality steak
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.

They call it mourning wood.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
I got one of those high desks for work and threw my chair away.

I can't stand sitting!

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kngfbng
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss said, β€œI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, β€œIt must be my weekend immune system.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.