Your highness
Watching an advertisement for sheets and they were listing sizes.
Fiancee: what's the difference between a queen and full queen?
Me: Dinner
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
What insect has high cholesterol
My wife’s favorite class in High School was History
I should’ve known she’d be good at bringing up the past.
I saw an ad that read: “TV for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.”
I thought to myself, "I can't turn that down!"
High but not so high IQ meme
I had a friend in high school that really wanted to become a pilot. His parents hated the idea. Every time he brought it up, they were like
I told my girlfriend that I thought she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high.
Don't know if this was posted here before
My friend who's at a high risk for breast cancer had a masectomy recently to prevent it
She said it's a huge weight off her chest
The oven temperature was having fun getting high so the cookies decided to join in
Did you hear about the new high school math competition they're calling "extreme "fractioning"?
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
A few minutes ago at dinner, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
As a huge sports statistics geek, I tend to store all my documents related to high school and collegiate athletes up high.
That way, I can keep a low pro file.
Why was the rhinos testosterone level so high?
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
If you're a janitor at a dispensary, that makes you high maintenance
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
My wife couldn’t believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
In coal country there was a highly-regarded regional dish made from the community’s table scraps.
You can’t make it legally anymore though. A judge ruled that all the people supplying food were contributing to the delicacy of a miner.
Everyone expected him to go postal from the way he was raised, on a high fiber diet...
He had a roughage childhood.
A guy was in a booth giving out free high fives
Another guy comes up to him and asks “do you have any down lows?” The guy said “sorry I’m all out, you were too slow”
So I bought some shoes from a drug dealer...
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...
Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldn’t let you participate if you didn’t keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall!
Terrible king, but made a great ruler.
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
you know what drives old people up the wall?
Why don’t vampires play poker?
They are afraid of the stakes
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
I got one of those high desks for work and threw my chair away.
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
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