My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: βSure, my door is always open.β
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︎ Oct 27 2020
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
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︎ Mar 27 2021
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.
The police are looking into it.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.
Son: βDad, put me down, youβre embarrassing me.β
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︎ Nov 26 2020
High school started out promising for me, but I ended up selling meat as a job.
I guess you can say I butchered my grades.
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︎ Nov 03 2020
I was cooking burgers with my friend Nicky when I flipped one up high and hit him with it, just below the chin...
It was a Nick neck patty whack.
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I remember dressing up as a breakfast pastry for one of my high school plays.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
If you ask for a high five while holding up both hands and they hit both...
Slap them and say "Here's your change"
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?
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︎ May 26 2020
My daughter came up to me and gave me a high five, then smiled and walked away
Without giving me a bye five. :(
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︎ Jul 06 2020
I've never been able to beat my school's high jump record and it keeps me up at night to this day...
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︎ Dec 21 2019
A few years ago me and my girlfriend were at a popular sunrise view point very high up in a national park in Thailand...
She asked, "is this the highest point in Thailand?"
I replied, "i don't know, it's up there".
The glances exchanged in that moment were some of my fondest memories of that trip.
π︎ 3
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︎ Mar 01 2020
Alright....time for a classic. The Ceo of Datsun was talking to his other high ranking workers when it had just been founded and said, you have 2 days to come up with a name for our company
The workers in a thick Japanese accent said DAT SOON
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︎ Oct 24 2019
Can I post here if i need help coming up with a pun? Iβm a high school teacher and am implementing a βphone hotelβ. I wanted to name it something clever. Like a name that sounds similar to a real hotel or even name it βPhone Hotelβ with a clever slogan. Any ideas?
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︎ Feb 08 2019
What do you call a toddler running towards their mother with arms high up in the air?
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︎ Nov 03 2019
Wow, thatβs really high up there. Iβm going to need either a ladder or a step stool.
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︎ Jul 20 2019
After years of using dial up, I finally upgraded to high speed internet. I didn't realize the internet traffic!
But I was able to e-merge.
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︎ Nov 09 2019
I'm considering marrying a high earning ceo who doesn't want children, but I'm sad about the prospect of giving up my scuba diving hobby.
It's illegal to DINK and dive.
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︎ Oct 17 2019
Damn christ is high up in the sky!
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︎ Mar 23 2019
My fridge was turned up too high and my lunch meat froze.
Guess I'm quitting cold turkey.
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︎ Aug 11 2015
The vacuum raised the knife up high, and as he was about to kill his first born boy he exclaimed
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︎ Apr 25 2016
So a guy walks up and says, "wow, that's some high top fade you've got!"
And I say, "yeah I got in way over my head."
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︎ Oct 27 2016
My offspring runs up to me with arms open and held high...
Offspring: "Pick me up"
Dad: "You look beautiful"
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︎ Aug 28 2016
At the circus, we're high up and there's a midget clown doing his thing...
"They look so little from up here."
Shaking of heads all around with a few nods of approval.
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︎ Dec 06 2014
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