Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weekend immune system.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 395
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 18 2021
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A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.

I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 320
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Loveable_Hemorrhoid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2021
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The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.

I needed a creative outlet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2021
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A few minutes ago, I came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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Did you hear about this new soup that's highly in demand?

It's always out of stock

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/almondjoyeee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2020
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As a circumcised man, I would highly recommend to not circumcise your son.

I was circumcised just after I was born, and I couldn’t walk for about a year.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 109
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tutmencrut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2020
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If a highly skilled bird lands on your father’s sweater...

That’s a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
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Mario is highly upset

He heard Trump has been in Peach.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Real_Bug
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2019
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My friend invented highly explosive decorative flooring...

It's pretty vola-tile.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2020
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How did the sleeper rank so highly on the test?

He was in the nighty-night percentile.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MCBananacheese
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2020
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Since I became manager of a helium factory, my employee speak very highly of me.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2019
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Musicians are highly dangerous...

They’re known for their violins.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ikissedtaylorswift
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2019
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This pun isn't basic, It's highly Hasidic.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TNBC42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2018
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I tied a computer mouse to my fishing road and it resulted in a highly successful catch.

Apparently, the fish love click bait.

edit:- rod*

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2019
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Highly chill Dad
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/4foryouglencoco
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 15 2013
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Macadamia nuts are the most highly educated of the of all nuts
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buttengine
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2019
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There's one field that I am highly qualified in.

Unemployment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2019
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Anything recommended by a stoned person comes highly recommended.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LibRAWRian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2018
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I met a group of highly trained Fly Killers the other day

First time I've ever seen a SWAT team.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FilthyRyzeMain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2018
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[META] My husband was gifted this highly relevant book

https://imgur.com/a/7MkkaPN

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dani_bar
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 21 2019
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My former wife highly recommended a movie that I should take the kids to see, but I didn’t think it was appropriate.

It was ex-rated.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2018
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Office supplies are highly coveted..

Co-worker A: Hey, Co-worker B, do you have any push pins?

Co-worker B: Sure, but I'll have to charge you.

Me: Don't forget the tax!

The groaning started and I was confused at first, then it sunk in. Sometimes unintended puns are the best!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/curzyk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2015
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My boss said, β€œI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, β€œIt must be my weekend immune system.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weakened immune system.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2021
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My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays."

I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2020
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While having dinner, I just came to the conclusion that tofu is highly overrated.

It’s just a curd to me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 19 2020
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