Your highness
Watching an advertisement for sheets and they were listing sizes.
Fiancee: what's the difference between a queen and full queen?
Me: Dinner
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︎ Sep 07 2015
Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
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︎ May 07 2021
What insect has high cholesterol
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︎ May 21 2021
too high
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︎ Feb 26 2021
High but not so high IQ meme
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︎ Apr 15 2021
I told my girlfriend that I thought sheβd drawn her eyebrows on too high.
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︎ May 18 2021
Don't know if this was posted here before
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︎ May 10 2021
The oven temperature was having fun getting high so the cookies decided to join in
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︎ May 08 2021
Did you hear about the new high school math competition they're calling "extreme "fractioning"?
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︎ May 21 2021
Flying high π§ββοΈ
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Knight Knight
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︎ May 09 2021
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I made some ideas into images to put on to phone cases. This is my favourite - Get Off Your High Horse
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︎ Mar 20 2021
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
As a huge sports statistics geek, I tend to store all my documents related to high school and collegiate athletes up high.
That way, I can keep a low pro file.
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︎ May 21 2021
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
Why was the rhinos testosterone level so high?
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︎ May 21 2021
How do fish get high?
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︎ Apr 11 2021
If you're a janitor at a dispensary, that makes you high maintenance
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Giraffes can never apologize to each other.
It takes them too long to swallow their pride.
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︎ Apr 23 2021
I went to the hardware store with a friend and the store had pallets of soil, seed, and fertilizer out front. We both stopped and looked at one of the pallets stacked high with bags of dried steer manure. The sign said, "Strict limit 2 per customer."
My friend looked at me and said, "I guess there's only so much shit you can take."
True story.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
Low effort high yield.
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: βSure, my door is always open.β
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︎ Oct 27 2020
High Steaks Poker
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︎ Mar 06 2021
My wife couldnβt believe I took my old high school bully out tonight.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
In coal country there was a highly-regarded regional dish made from the communityβs table scraps.
You canβt make it legally anymore though. A judge ruled that all the people supplying food were contributing to the delicacy of a miner.
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︎ Apr 30 2021
[Credit to u/Vishalbharadwaj21] I have the high ground
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︎ Feb 21 2021
Everyone expected him to go postal from the way he was raised, on a high fiber diet...
He had a roughage childhood.
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︎ May 03 2021
High IQ pun
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︎ Dec 06 2020
A guy was in a booth giving out free high fives
Another guy comes up to him and asks βdo you have any down lows?β The guy said βsorry Iβm all out, you were too slowβ
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Flying high
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︎ Jan 20 2021
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Back in my day, high school sports athletic conferences wouldnβt let you participate if you didnβt keep at least a 2.0 grade point average. It seems times have drastically changed...
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
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︎ Apr 13 2021
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall!
Terrible king, but made a great ruler.
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︎ Mar 21 2021
Auntie went up ladder into high part of house. High part of house not so strong. High part of house have dangerous things. I worry about Auntie. She up there long time. Later Auntie come down ladder, safe. Whole event was..
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︎ Mar 27 2021
you know what drives old people up the wall?
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Why donβt vampires play poker?
They are afraid of the stakes
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︎ May 02 2021
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.
They call it mourning wood.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
High quality steak
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︎ Feb 10 2021
I got one of those high desks for work and threw my chair away.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
For some reason most of my friends didn't like it
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︎ Apr 28 2021
I just called GameStop Customer Service...
They asked me to please Hold. ππ€²
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︎ Feb 03 2021
I once asked a Hawaiian if he had a high pitched laugh.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
What might you call people who live in the high Arctic?
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Doctor said Iβm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I thought I had a foolproof method for high stakes Rock, Paper, Scissors...
... Now I'm losing money hand over fist!
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︎ Mar 10 2021
They seem high tech
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︎ Sep 25 2020
My boss said, βI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.β
I said, βIt must be my weekend immune system.β
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︎ Sep 28 2020
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