There must be some wild hogs in the area
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the bar...
And a 45 minute walk from the bar to my house...
The difference is staggering!
Well, I'm drawing a line in the sand.
I smelt that sh!t a mile away!
Definitely not as I'm driving on the highway.
Sauce: my dad.
I said there’s a long standing tradition in my family. She asked what is it? I said I just told you.
It’s hit or miss.
-heehee physics jokes
So I bought her an alarm clock with a remote control.
Luckily, they had a power chord.
When he makes it over to the tree, a robber steps out and points a gun at him.
The man says, "whoa, I just wanted some of the bacon from the bacon tree!"
The robber grunts and says, "This ain't no bacon tree. This is a hambush!"
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.
As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"
The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.
Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.
So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.
The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".
So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.
But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"
Does that make it Mjol-far?
She just drew one eyebrow too low and the other too high.
He said he didn't know, but he saw "-room", he didnt see the rest.
Turns out it was just a Nicki Mirage.
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
They were haulin' oats
I think she wants to calculate velocity.
(Using trunk lines.)
(It's an 'ellow elephone.)
It's not that far fetched.
I said “so far,so good”
Let's get the flock out of here.
With a polygon plane!
SO:starts playing a song by Cake I just love Cake. Me: That's great and all but I prefer pie.
I've moved to London 2 years ago and he is still in Maryland. This was our google chat exchange just now:
Friend: Some days I miss you more than others. Today is one of those days :(
Me: awwwww... i miss you 100% every day
Friend: Is your aim that bad?
I specifically think General Lee
....but I just don't have the time to do it.
On vacation in Myrtle Beach from Michigan as we speak... as I speak... as I type, whatever. In our texting conversation my dad dropped this one on me.
Me: The fog was so thick this morning, I couldn't see the ocean.
Dad: Neither could I.
Daughter: "Dad, maybe you don't update our progress every mile?"
Me: "Actually, I'm updating our progress every .1 of a mile. Does that make you tenth?"
Earned me the coveted groan with double eye roll...
My SO recently visited me for my 21st birthday, and over the weekend I developed a bit of a cough. Today she texted me to ask how I was feeling.
"Still coughing?" "No, it's one of those moving coughs unfortunately." "Ha."
We might be young, but she knows good dad material when she sees it.
She texted me saying she was coming back home Friday so I sent her a text saying that I couldn't wait to see her. She replied with "Me too". I replied to that with "But you see yourself everyday" I can hear the groaning from here.