Friend 2: So far, so good
I smelt that sh!t a mile away!
It’s hit or miss.
Ricardio
Does that make it Mjol-far?
Marathongs
The winner is the first person to cross the Finnish line.
They were haulin' oats
I said “so far,so good”
With a polygon plane!
I've moved to London 2 years ago and he is still in Maryland. This was our google chat exchange just now:
Friend: Some days I miss you more than others. Today is one of those days :(
Me: awwwww... i miss you 100% every day
Friend: Is your aim that bad?
My SO recently visited me for my 21st birthday, and over the weekend I developed a bit of a cough. Today she texted me to ask how I was feeling.
"Still coughing?" "No, it's one of those moving coughs unfortunately." "Ha."
We might be young, but she knows good dad material when she sees it.
She texted me saying she was coming back home Friday so I sent her a text saying that I couldn't wait to see her. She replied with "Me too". I replied to that with "But you see yourself everyday" I can hear the groaning from here.
Context: I'm in a DnD campaign, for fifth edition.
So basically, one of my characters told a horrible pun to a planetar (Massive angel-like being) over Sending (A spell letting you communicate over long distances). "Whaddya call a celestial who likes to fish? An angel-er." and then he got asked to put his journal in the box that suddenly appeared behind hm, He complied, and when he got it back his name was gone from the first page of the book, and there was a golden box, that read "Tell me what I've pun, wizard" So I'm assuming he needs to answer in some sort of pun related to his name, Klaus Hallowmantle.
However, my brain is smoother than... I can't think of anything to compare it to all of a sudden. Oh well. Anyone who can help me with this?
Due to social distancing and other issues I am not going to cut my hair or trim my beard for a time. How long? Furlough time.
So we were having a big family video call last night, since we're all on different continents, and my aunt was introducing us to her new boyfriend, Bill.
> Cousin: So when is Bill gonna come visit us, so we can meet him in person? > > Aunt: Oh, I don't know, Bill doesn't really fly (he's afraid of flying) > > Dad: He doesn't have to, the plane does. > > Long distance family groan
It was those long distance shots
Long distance caw
After a long and arduous hike, Attle is tired. "How much longer dad? Are you sure its is this way?"
"Son, trust me! Now stay close to me ok!"
Finally, Battle reaches a good viewpoint, and spots an island in the distance.
He excitedly yells: "Attle! Come on, hurry up, I think I found it".
Attle catches up to his dad. "Where is it?"
Battle points to the island, and says "Seattle"!
He had to walk a long distance to go to the bathroom.
When the plumber came and informed him the urinals were fixed, my dad told him "I'm relieved!"
Back in the late 80's, my dad had a joke he loved to tell everyone he met. It went something like this:
I was driving down the road and ended up behind this ambulance with its rear door open. I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention about it, but they didn't seem to notice. As they turned the corner away from us, a small cooler fell out. I pulled over to rescue the cooler, and when I opened it, I found a human toe, on ice.
At this point, the victim of the joke is supposed to ask what he did with the toe. He responds with "I called the Tow Truck!" and hearty laughter.
Being the 1980's, e-mail wasn't prevalent, and calling long distance could get expensive, so he communicated with his out of state family primarily through mailed letters. He wrote this joke (sans punchline) in a letter to his mom. Not knowing it was a joke, she told the story to her friends and family. My aunt heard this story, and told it to her classes (she's a teacher) and one of her students actually got in a fight with his mom who said that could never happen.
A month or two later, we were getting together for a holiday and the toe story came up in conversation. My dad replied that he called the tow truck, and his laughter was met with horrified stares. By this time, nearly everyone in the small town was enthralled with this amazing story that my grandma had told about her son who lived in the city. She was imagining all of the people she had to contact to tell the real story to. Many took it in stride, but others were quite annoyed. Especially my aunt, who had to apologize to every one of her classes at school.
TLDR: A dad joke with no punch line doesn't belong in a letter.
A small target from a long a distance
How far is it to XYZ?
Twice as long as half the distance.
How long until we get to ABC?
Twice as long as half the time it takes.
Drives my kids nuts.
If someone has a go from long range, the commentator will invariably say something like, "A good effort from distance" to which my dad will ALWAYS say, "I didn't even know Distance was playing today".
https://i.imgur.com/Mit733g.jpg
We are long distance so she bought me this as her default reaction face!!
"What are you doing? Making a long distance call?"
He was so proud of the joke he called me in as the only other person who would appreciate it.
I'm in a long-distance relationship so in the mornings my girlfriend will often text me and just give a simply "Hey, I love you, good morning" and occasionally ask how I slept.
Her: How'd you sleep?
Me: Laying down with my eyes closed.
My wife and I were at the supermarket, when she looks at the list and announces "Oh, we need some juice concentrate."
I of course respond instantly by staring intently in the distance and stop walking.
She walks a few paces then looks at me confused. "Why did you stop walking?"
"You said we need concentrate."
"I know but..." then there's a long pause as she finally gets the joke. She responds by glaring at me and slapping the crap out of my shoulder.
Baby thought it was funny at least.
I was just texting my girlfriend and I was telling her I didn't want to fall asleep on her just yet. (Long distance Relationship).
Her: "And it's ok if you call asleep."
Me: "I'm not sure if I can call asleep. They are never awake!"
She wasn't amused.
Marathongs
