Did you know that if you took the Eiffel Tower apart and laid each piece end to end...
you could go to jail for a very long time?
No one likes this pandemic. Well, no one apart from Bane..
No one cared who he was until he put on the mask.
As a leper, I feel like I’m falling apart.
I just lost my left leg.
Edit: now my right leg.
Edit: now my left arm.
Being 6 ft apart while using urinals
Is considered social pisstancing
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton when they bumped into each other and fell apart?
Well, it looks like I have a bone to pick with you!
I can never tell Kylie, Kendall, and Caitlyn apart.
I always forget which one is the trans Jenner.
My girlfriend couldn’t stand my obsession with horoscopes. In the end it Taurus apart.
The irony is that I’m a Gemini.
Some days you feel like falling apart.
What do I do when my ice house falls apart?
Igloo it back together again.
Why were the clams apart?
They were practicing seashell distancing.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Always stay 2 meters apart
Two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're
There’s been rumours that all the letters of the alphabet have been stolen apart from the 1st, 15th and 11th...
...But don’t worry! Everything is gonna be A-O-K.
Did you hear the one about the airplane that fell apart?
How far apart are Ireland and Iceland from each other
How can you tell snowmen apart from snow women?
Dylan's girlfriend broke up with him and told her she needed some time apart but Dylan went looking for her place anyway.
I guess he didn't know what apartment.
So a farmer has trouble telling his two horses apart...
He cuts the tail of one of them and that works for awhile, but it eventually grows back. So he cuts the mane off the other one and that works, too, but that grows back and once again he is stuck.
Finally he decides to measure the horses and discovers that the black one is a foot taller than the white one.
[real joke told to me by my dad]
Rick Astley will lend you any Pixar film apart from one
He's never gonna give you Up
My job is telling genuine trees apart from fake trees. I was so worried I'd be bad at it but as it happens I'm quite good.
I took apart the coffee maker to clean it but can't figure out how to put it back together.
My wife says this is grounds for divorce...
Why do speed metal groups stand so far apart from each other on stage?
Because speed is limited by band width
The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.
This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.
Photos here:
https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3
Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!
I ship it but one is ice cold when the other is falling apart
What did the bird say when it’s cage fell apart?
My tv was coming apart, so I superglued it back together.
Now I'm glued to the T.V.
Old prospectors had a way to tell different rocks apart...
Real gold makes a sound like: clink clink
Fool's gold makes a sound like: tchk tchk
And then there's comedy gold - ba dum tss
The Titanic, and Britannic both sank 4 years apart from each other
Harry Potter struggles telling his Cooking Pot and Best Friend apart...
I’m really bad at telling numbers apart
Did you hear about the guy who tore apart that Chinese place?
He caused wonton destruction.
How do you tell male and female ants apart?
Drop them in water girl ants sink and bouyants float.
Doctor:Okay apart from your painful disease, can you tell me something else? Like, the last meal you had?
A few days ago I made a comment that if there was a scandal at a fencing company, someone'd start calling it Gategate. Today, someone kicked my gate apart.
Gave my kids some news that is going to tear our family apart.
Here's your new pet bear.
I was taking apart my friends keyboard the other day.
I started frantically looking for a key I thought I had lost.
He asked me if I lost a key.
I replied with I haven’t lost 1 key, I’ve lost 3.
He responded “Oh God”
The 1 key is right here.
Anyone ever notice that Ireland and Iceland are just a sea apart from each other?
When my son didn't laugh at a fart joke during a trip to the Egyptian History Museum, I realized we had drifted apart.
Now we don't even have a toot in common.
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